When I was pregnant I was more concerned about the way my body was changing and how well the baby was doing inside my womb.
Breastfeeding was mentioned in antenatal classes and by my local midwife but that was about it.

We were told it was the best thing for the baby and assured that even if we could only manage a few days that would already be great. But that obviously if you could manage 1, 2, 3 or 6 months even better.

Fast forward to the birth, I had decided to deliver our son at home. It didn't go according to plan. I was transferred to hospital and monitored. To cut a long story short, I was given morphine (after me refusing for 8 hours to take anything) and 2 hours later I had an epidural. Felt great or rather felt nothing when baby came out. They put him on my chest but took him away after 10 minutes (big mistake). They should have let him with me for about 30 minutes so that I could bond with him and put him to my breast straight away (that, I didn't know at the time). When they finally gave him back to me, I tried to feed him but he was very drowsy because of the morphine I'd had (second mistake).

I struggled to get him to latch on that night and the following day but was determined to go home the following night. We went home and then started the longest weeks in my life.

Please do not be discouraged if you read this and are thinking of breastfeeding but this is what happened to me:
- cracked nipples
- engorged breasts
- and finally infected mastitis

I had to be on antibiotics. I felt very down when all this happened. Those who have read my other review on PND will know that somehow my bad experience here was one of the reasons why I was low.
I was in a lot of pain for one month and the following 2 months on and off. There were times when I thought I'd finally cracked it but failed. I had to resort to formula milk on some days as I was too poorly.

When I look back on what happened I now know I will be more prepared for next time. I had a great health visitor who supported me all the way. Nipple shields helped greatly and when at 12 weeks I was able to feed without wearing them I was crying as I was so happy.

After that, breastfeeding became a piece of cake and I managed to feed my son until he was 14 months (admittedly only once a day the last few months).

I had not read enough on breastfeeding before having my baby and I had not prepared my breasts before the birth. There are creams out there you can use to get them ready.

I would urge any mother-to-be to get informed and get all the support they can, insist on having skin to skin contact right after the birth and avoid having morphine during labour at all costs. I deeply regretted it as my son was drowsy for most of the first 48 hours.

The more prepared you are, the better.
Breastfeeding, once you've gone past the pain, is an amazing bonding experience. And I can guarantee you're very likely not to experience all the bad things I did. I later saw that series of unfortunate events as a challenge I took on.

So I hope that didn't put you off but that was my experience as a first-time mother.
And I will do it again.

Positive points:
- it is free
- you have big breasts (I'm usually rather small there)
- you don't have to clean bottles (unless you express)
- it gives your baby a great start in life
- in the long run, it is believed to help your own health

Having said that, and having experienced what I did, I totally understand mothers who have tried and can't do it. There's no need to beat yourself up. You know what's best for your baby.