Fine for me, terrible for my sister - it effects everyone differently. (Children & Divorce)

Member Name: ariom

Product:	Children & Divorce
Date:	13/10/08 (52 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: can make people stronger, better than living in an uncomfortable environment

Disadvantages: can put financial strain on the family, makes practical arrangements harder, growing up too soon

I thought I'd write about my experiences of my parents separating when I was a child. They still aren't divorced - but this isn't because they are going to get back together, it's because both of them are far too lazy to be bothered sorting out the paperwork.

Unlike many people's experiences, I didn't see the separation coming. There was no awkward yelling matches or uncomfortable rows. At 11, my dad said he needed to talk to the family, but the dog went beserk (for no particular reason), so he said he'd talk to me separately and I minded the dog in the other room. I could hear my mum crying and he came through and explained to me that he was going to leave for a "trial separation". I calmed the dog down and went through to see and help comfort my mum and sister. He came back when I was 14, but then left again when I was 16.

Practically, it impacted financially on my family a fair bit. I remember cutting down on shopping and my mum worrying about finances as her work was restricted since my sister was ill. Emotionally, it initially devastated my mum, but once she had settled with it she has emerged a lot more confident person.

I remember being quite philosophical about it. To me, my dad had chosen to leave my mum, not my sister and myself. I didn't cry. After all, my mum was dropping us at his house most mornings to go to school and I was actually seeing more of him than I had before he'd left. However, I hadn't been that as close to him as my sister had and she was really upset. I think it still affects her and her relationship with him now. She did see it as him walking out on her and not caring about her as much.

It did make me grow up faster though. My mum needed more support and I found myself helping more around the house, with the shopping and also looking after my sister when she was ill. Maybe this provided me with a distraction from what was happening that meant that I didn't feel as emotionally affected by it? I also didn't go to university full time as I had planned. I felt that I needed to help financially and worked alongside studying part time.

I think overall, divorce and parental separation is probably negative for most children, but there are a few positives to be found in it and it is definitely better in the long term than living in a household where one of the family don't want to be there.

Summary: Effects everyone differently.