NOT DIVORCED YET, BUT I AM BEGINNING TO WONDER IF THEY WILL STAY TOGETHER (Children & Divorce)

Member Name: mr blonde

Product:	Children & Divorce
Date:	03/12/02 (389 review reads)
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Hmmm I think this is going to be one of my most, if not my really most, difficult op to write, I say this for one reason alone, and that is that it is going to come straight from inside me. This is because right now I am one hell of a confused teenager/young adult, desperately worried and confused all in one.

I have recently been having a lot of trouble at home, mum and dad constantly arguing, younger brother going out of his way to be a pain in the arse, he is 15 and has hit the age where his hormones outweigh his brain, although sometimes I wonder if a feather would do the job perfectly adequately. I was recently in hospital with cellulites in my shin, I managed to amass a swelling that covered literally my entire shin, and I ended up on a drip in hospital for 4 days, I guess that was stage 2 of my feeling downtrodden recently, stage 1 I will go into in a second.

As I said, stage 1, what has been happening with all the arguing and bickering that has been going on, is that EVERY single morning without fail, when either mum or dad takes me to work, I have to be extremely careful with whatever I say, having to think about 10 sentences ahead just to try and avoid either of them slagging the other off. This has been going on for a while, and until recently I have just tried to get on with it, but lately it is hard, it is at the point where you literally only have to say something as simple as car, and mum is saying dad drives like a total retard, constantly speeding, or dad is constantly having a go at mum being too cautious and using the gears etc badly, I kid you not, it is literally as bad as that. Even when they get me alone, it is almost like they can?t speak to anyone else about everything, and that they feel I should have to put up with it. Don?t get me wrong, I don?t feel like walking away from them, but I just don?t see why they should constantly be on at me over it, it is their problem, they should act like grown ups and bloody well tal
k things through, and let me get on with chasing a career and let me enjoy what little of my childhood I do have left.

Hmmm, anyways, stage 2 came the other day, about a week ago roughly, and a big row flared up in the morning, as it so often does, younger brother a pain in the backside to get out of bed, mum an dad both having a go at him about making everyone late, typical family I guess, but then he decided to tell dad to f*ck off, and that is when it exploded, dad went berserk, shoved my brother onto the ouch and roared at him, mum screamed at dad, then my older brother and dad nearly ended up in a fight, literally squaring up to each other, I was upstairs while this happened, and I heard all of the shouting to the point were I had just had enough and shouted downstairs for them all to pack it in. This all happened on a day that should have been really enjoyable for me, I was allowed to go back to work after 2 weeks off sick, which I couldn?t wait to pass because hospitals are ridiculously boring, and I had bought my first car the night before, then all of this kicked off, and I had to try and face work and struggle through. Luckily, I have a decent boss, so when my older brother was dropping me off, I ended up in tears, and was sat in the car for about 15 minutes just talking and telling him basically what I am telling you now, that I was sick of being at home, and that quite frankly if I had the money I would be looking for somewhere else to live as soon as I pass my driving test, something that still stands now, IF I had the money. He was really good with me, especially seeing how him and dad had almost just ended up in a big fight, he said that any time I want to just get away from it all, I am more than welcome to go to his to crash for the night, something that I think I will be taking him up on soon, I just really feel like I do not want to be a part of my own family at the moment, the attitude between all of them is really really horrible
to be a part of to the extent that when work offered me the chance to work 6 days a week up until Christmas, I took the offer without hesitation because it will mean being at home for as little time as possible.

Even just the other day, things seemed to have settled at least between mum and dad a little after the row, but then when he was taking me to work, dad told me he may not be staying round much longer if all of this continues. This is where I am really feeling confused, part of me is desperate for mum and dad to stay together, and I do think that they will given time, but part of me is scared stiff that this will all kick up again, and that next time they will divorce. I don?t actually know why I am writing this op, I have always been pretty good at getting my thoughts down on paper, and I guess that writing them down is something that I think might help me see things straight, if you see this op on the site, you will know I have decided to post it, if not then it will be for my eyes only, and for me to look at and think about.

One of my other problems is that I cannot sleep at night at the moment because I keep thinking about it, I have been staying up until 3 and after of a night just tossing and turning wondering what the hell is going to happen. I never thought at the time, but my older brother told me not to keep all of this bottled up, and that he did the same when he was getting divorced, and in the end it made him feel low to the point of speaking out in desperation, I never thought he was going to tell mum what I had told him, I am still not sure if he has told her everything I said to him, because I still keep getting her moaning to me, so whether he has told her I was just upset after what happened or what, I haven?t a clue, all I do know is that it hasn?t sunk in if he told her. Mum told my dad about me being upset, and apparently he was crying when she told him, I know my dad loves me and my younger brother, so I am not that
surprised about him crying, afterall he did actually give up smoking because I asked him to when I was little because of my asthma, that is just the kind of person he is though.

I just do not know what to think at the moment, on one hand like I say I don?t want them to split up, but on the other I wonder if they would both be happier apart, I am scared of the answer though. Anyone who has gone through their parents divorce, I am guessing that they went through a similar line of thought as this. I haven?t read anything on the site as regards what other people have said in this subject, I am not that interested, I just need to get this out of my system, and Dooyoo has always been a good listener, so I am hoping it is as good to me this time as it has been in the past.

My problem now is that on top of all of this, and I know this sounds a completely pathetic thing to say, but I have my driving test coming up in January, and I could do with going out and practicing with either mum or dad, just to make sure I am ready, but I just don?t feel like I want to be around them, my days off have been spent for the last week or so in my room, or away from the house just to stay away from them. Dad has been creeping around me for the last few days since he found out how upset I was, but I don?t think he realises that the only way to make me feel better will be if him and mum start talking things through with each other and not with me, fair enough keep me in the picture with what?s happening, but just stop slogging each other off to me, I have to be careful with what is ay so that I don?t even tell either of them what the other has said, and considering they are both supposed to be adults, they are pathetic. I know that what I should do is tell them how I feel, but I thought little things like I said to mum a couple of weeks back ?I wish I had the money for my own place?, she asked why, and I just got frank with her and said ?so I could move out?, even th
is kind of hint doesn?t seem to have worked.

Anyways, like I say if I post this, I will decide that later, then thankyou for reading this, and Cheryl, I have told you most of this, so don?t get angry with me if you read it and see I have wrote something I haven?t already told you. Speak soon people, all the best. Col.

PS I do apologise for some of the language.

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