Painful, but it seems to have worked where nothing else did (Controlled Crying)

Member Name: JStripey

Product:	Controlled Crying
Date:	04/11/08 (698 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: often the only option that is effective, teaches the child to fall asleep and stay asleep

Disadvantages: can be really tough and emotional for already stressed parents

It had never been my intention to leave my baby to "cry it out" but after 10 months where I could count my nights of more than 5 consecutive hours of sleep on one hand, I was literally at the end of my tether. We had tried co-sleeping, we had tried homoeopathic remedies, we had tried prescribed sedatives, basically everything except the method I was dreading most. It was time for some tough love and I knew that I had a serious battle on my hands. Let me entice you to read onwards by telling you that this technique really worked much to my total amazement.

My son had terrible colic for the first 3-4 months of his life, and then had 2 long bouts of bronchiolitis. He also did not have his own room until we moved house when he was 9 months old. Therefore he had become very accustomed to being cuddled, rocked and gently persuaded to sleep by any means possible. He was completely incapable of sleeping without myself or my husband aiding him. In this way, when he woke in the night as part of a normal sleep pattern, he was unable to calm himself and after a minute or so cried out loudly for help and would not cease until I appeared and did something. To offer an analogy, it would be like you or I falling asleep in our bed and then waking up somewhere totally different and cold, without our favourite pillow and any of the other things that help us drift off calmly.

An average night would see me getting out of bed at least 3 times but at worst it could be as often as every hour. I was plunging into depression and finding myself transforming into a bad tempered and exhausted mother in the daytime. I often felt anger towards my son, even though it was not actually his fault, for this was the sleep habit we had trained him into. To make things worse he is not a relaxed or easy baby who takes to things quickly.

The thought of leaving him to cry made me feel terrible, I had tried before and he just screamed for an eternity and eventually finished vomiting, hyperventilating and glaring at me in hysterical anger. By 10 months he was also capable of standing up in his cot and refusing to lie down. I do not think he had ever gone to sleep on his own before, or slept in his own room. I knew that once we started controlled crying, every minute of him howling like a cat on fire would seem like a year to me. My husband and I agreed that however hard it would be we must present a united front and give this our best efforts for the sake our our sanity.

The new routine involved preparing him for bed slowly; giving him a nice bath ; dressing him in his room with the lights low; singing to him; giving him his milk and then finally popping him into bed with gentle reassuring words and leaving him to it. A similarly soothing routine is applied for nap time in the day. The first night we were to go back and check him after 5 minutes, reassure him, stroke him and then leave. If he was still crying 10 minutes later we could repeat the process and after that 15 minutes and so it continues. Needless to say, that first night it took well over an hour of painful screaming for him to fall asleep alone. He woke twice in that night, but I never went to him, only checked him after he finally went quiet again. The following night we were advised to leave it even longer before the first check, thus baby gets the idea that his crying does not achieves cuddles and that they must sleep alone. The checking is really only to help them realise that the parents are still nearby and they have not been abandoned.

On average it by the third night of controlled crying most babies sleep through and fall asleep with minimal protest. However probably owing to my son being 10 months he was still screaming for on average15 minutes before every nap and night time sleep. He was at least going to sleep alone in his own bed and even if he woke in the night I did not have to go to him and resettle him. There were some mammoth 2 hour screaming sessions and regressions along the way and I can tell you that it is not easy to hear your child cry out for you desperately and to ignore their angry little tear stained face. Sometimes I was full of resolve and blocked out his crying somehow and at times I sat outside the door of his room for long periods also crying myself.

On the 11th day he managed to fall asleep for his morning nap without crying at all and even with an air of calm. I would say that 2 weeks further on he now does this 75% of the time. There are still moments when he grumbles for 5 minutes and there are still moments when he cries for 10. He still often wakes and whimpers and cries in the night, however he knows that he can drift off without me and he knows that I do not come running. I am sure that there will be future nights in which he really gives us a hard time, but if there is a reason such as illness we will break the rules for that night. I am also expecting relapses at various points.

On average a baby of my sons age sleeps 10-12 hours a night straight. This will never be the case for my son, he goes about 9 hours maximum. Once I have pottered around the house and got myself to bed I am getting maybe 7 hours in total and often broken by his whimpers on the monitor, but it is paradise compared to the nightmare I was living before. I am no longer dreading bedtime and wondering what the point of me even trying to sleep is. I actually enjoy the ritual of putting my son to bed now.

In conclusion, if your baby is refusing to sleep, this will eventually work even though it can be painful and emotionally draining. Your baby will not remember this time and certainly my son is still affectionate and happy during the day despite the struggle we have been through. I wish we had done this a few months earlier when he was less mobile and less aware.

Summary: So fair this has worked miracles and I never thought it was possible!