Why pay the foster parents instead of the natural mother? (Fostering)

Member Name: lellagrace

Product:	Fostering
Date:	19/09/08 (97 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Foster carers have financial help to look after needy kids

Disadvantages: natural parents receive no financial help

I have read the previous reviews on fostering, which mainly seem to be written by foster parents. But what about someone thinking they might have to have their child fostered?

This is something I have been concerned about over the last year. An acquaintance of mine, a young woman from a foreign country, found herself pregnant after a two year relationship with a man who she thought would marry her eventually. Of course, as happens all too often, he "did a runner" when she told him about the baby and he has gone abroad, efforts to trace him have been futile.

This left the young woman concerned with the choice of bringing up her child on her own or giving it away for fostering or adoption. It was already too late for a termination by the time her partner had left her, her own family are very strict and in their country being an unmarried mother is a definite no-no.

The woman has been in the UK studying for several years, when she finishes her studies she will be capable of earning a good salary and planned to return home. Due to her pregnancy she had to postpone the final years of her training, mainly due to lack of financial support (her parents had been helping but withdraw their help when they learnt of her pregnancy).

Her baby is now several months old, she has coped with the help of a family who live nearby who have taken her into their home as they could not see her struggling in a student flat on her own. As the young woman is not from an EEC country she is not entitled to one single penny from our government - this means no child benefit, no help with childcare costs, no baby bond, nothing. I can understand this, but the woman has been working at a part time student job all the time she has been here and has paid NI and income tax. Why is she not entitled to help from the state when she has actually made contributions?

So now we come to her decision - how is she going to cope bringing up her baby? She knows she has to work to support them both, the conditions of her visa state she is only allowed to work a certain amount of hours, so she is in a job which pays the minimum wage and earning not much at all. She has to pay a chldminder to look after her child, at £2.50 per hour this eats into her pay, leaving very little to pay for her board with the family who are caring for her.

On behalf of the young woman the family have contacted citizens advice, social services, health authorities, charities, even their MP, but nobody comes up with any solutions.

So the young woman is faced with having to give up her baby for fostering until she is in a situation where she can finish her studies and get a well paid job. This will break her heart. What kind of family will her child be placed with? Will the baby remember her mum when they can get back together?

When asked my advice, as a friend, I suggested the woman needed counselling to help her come to a decision. She waited two months for an appointment, then was given one hour counselling and then told to ring if she felt she needed to see them again. I could not believe this, surely she needs more help?

I have myself approached various "authorities" as the family are so drained with being passed from one agency to another. But it seems to me that nobody wants to help, it is all too easy to remove a child from its mother and place it into a foster home, but how much is this going to cost?

Wouldn't it be easier to pay the mother or at least the family caring for her, instead of paying a foster carer? From what I have read the authorities pay around £300 per week to foster carers for each child. Why can't they give this woman something to support her own baby? She is happy to continue with her studies and part time work, but also needs some help to bring up her child until she is in a position to support them both.

It is impossible for her to return to her own country, they would both be ostracised. She cannot claim asylum or refugee status as her situation is not so serious.

If the baby is placed into a foster home it will be clothed in nice outfits, at the moment all its clothes are either from charity shops or E Bay, or have been bought by friends. Baby equipment was all secondhand. A new foster carer would be given grants to buy all this, but a young woman struggling is given no help at all.

I am furious to think the solution may be to give up this child to a foster home. Where are all the childrens' charities who are supposed to help poor families? Oh don't suggest I contact them, I have done that only to be told "we can't help, try so and so." A neighbour of mine donated lots of baby equipment to a charity collection, not realising the young woman would have appreciated them. So we went along to the charity shop and they told us everything is sorted out at a central warehouse and there was none of the stuff there.

The only help this woman has received has been from friends of the family who have taken her in and the loan of a breast pump from the health department. If the baby was given up for fostering everything would be provided.

I don't imagine anyone has a solution to this, but I just want to point out how ridiculous it is to pay for a child to go into foster care, when that money could be used to help the baby's own mother to take care of her child herself.

Summary: Have to give the baby away because of lack of finance