Oil and Water (GCSEs)

Name: David J. Rogers

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Product:	GCSEs
Date:	06/02/02 (101 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Oh so many

Disadvantages: So many more

I find that kids and exams are not unlike oil and water.... They just do not mix.

Like oil and water you can shake them hard and get a sort of mix, at least the oil splits up and spreads into the water a little, but, like kids and exams, they very quickly separate again. My experiences have been that trying to make the impossible happen just is not going to work.

We all remember our parents telling us "when we were your age" or "you only get this chance once" or "it is the foundation for the rest of your life". Of course we all learned these facts were true.. AFTER leaving school. It is no good trying to tell your own children the things you didn’t accept when their age.. it sure as heck is a mistake to ever say "when we were your age".... Oh yes we all make that mistake, often just the once.. the answers we get sure cut deep, and make us feel every day our age.... There is no way of telling a child that the exams, and time at school, will be important later in life, there is no way they want to know what may be once they reach 18+... most kids, at 15/16 think 18 - 20 is old, years away, of no importance, or relevance right now. Every kids goes through the "I hate school" stage.. I know I did and would bet many of you did too... So why try to get our own children to accept something we never would??

There are no right ways, or wrong ones either, to help, encourage or guide a child through school, or exams. We have to start to accept that the best expert on being a child in school today is the child themselves. Learning, on a full time, classroom based situation is no fun, there are so many thing we would rather do than sit there listening to someone rattle on about God knows what. Just think back, if you can, to when you were at school... what did all this French, algebra, Science, English and so on mean to you then?? How many times did you say, often out loud, "When am I ever go
ing to need this at work"?? Once you can do that you can start to help your child get through.

Being open, honest and understanding is the only way a child will listen, let alone accept, you. It is of no help telling them "You have to go to school, it is the law" or "You need to make the most of your time at school" or "I would change places with you in a beat of the heart" because they will all say one thing in return.... "Okay... lets change then" What is needed is openness, the ability to admit that your child knows more than you already. If you can get them to accept you as a friend, or as an interested partner, you are half way there. Admit you failed, accept they are already brighter, better educated and more able in many ways than you and tell them. Then you can go on to advise them that by digging in now they will be better than you.

My wife and I spend hours trying to help our children, one is in year 9, our youngest, and our daughter is at college, having gained 9 A-C passes at GCSE. We will sit with them, offer what advice we can, motivate or wake them up to the fun you can have but above everything we will just be there. We have found that the most helpful thing we can offer our children is just being there for them. It also helps to admit they are working at levels you have never done and that they can teach you, indeed by allowing them to tell you what they know can start them to better understand just what they are doing, and why. As parents we are life guides to our children, we are not, nor should we be, their only source of education. There is only so much a parent can do, this is why the child has so much support from so many areas. Never push, force or fight about learning. Let it be fun, exciting and enjoyable... just steer and let your child be the engine... it save masses of fights and arguments and can, with time, help your children get the best out of life... and that is, after
all, all any of us want for them.. isn't it???

Every child wants to do well but some will always do better than others. You need to accept that while you only want the best for your child their best may be different. For many a pass in their GCSE, at any level, is fantastic, they will have made massive progress to pass. For others hard work, and help, may get them into the A-C pass grades, and this too is fantastic, and then there are some who will get A* passes...again a great thing but this may not have taken any more work, indeed often less, than the lowers grade pass because the child is different, finds learning easy or has the ability to store knowledge. No level of pass means good or bad.. all pass marks are good and, as I say above, a lower pass (D-E-F) is often far greater, for some, than an A* is to others.

My advice is simple... Be a friend to your children, try to guide them, advise them, steer them but, and above everything, never push them or force them to learn just because that is what you want for them... It is their life and they have to be responsible for it. By showing love, understanding and care your child will want to do well. They will want to get all they can from school and if that is an E pass then celebrate with them just as hard as if it were an A*.

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