What do you do when someone you know/love self harms? (Health and Safety in General)

Member Name: snootybutnice

Product:	Health and Safety in General
Date:	25/01/09 (70 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Helps relieve stress / is a way of survival for many people, a coping mechanism

Disadvantages: Causes scaring, sometimes long term damage, may lead to death

Self harm... what DO you do when your child - or someone you know self harms?

Well...you have a right to be upset. But it's worth understanding a few things first.

Firstly don't take away their ability to self-harm. They will always find a way to self harm if and when they need to. By taking away all knives, scissors, bleach etc you may just make them feel more miserable and isolated. Not only this but you are taking away from them the one thing that stops them feeling stressed - which may make them even more likely to self harm again.

Next tell them that you will support and help them as much as you can (or ideally get a professional in to help). Try to talk to them and find out why they want to self harm - don't make assumptions.

Many teenagers will self harm as a result of all kinds of stresses - perhaps they are being bullied at school, or are worried about their exams, or their parents have just separated, or they have other issues in their past that they are having a hard time dealing/coping with.

Self harm isn't just cutting arms by the way - it can be drinking bleach, burning, bruising/punching, pulling out hair-all manner of things in fact. Even alcohol abuse is a form of self harm.

Recognise that self harm is a way that someone can relieve their stress - and it can stop them from wanting to commit suicide. Many say that the bad feelings grow inside them until they want to explode - and self harm acts as a way to release this pressure. Very rarely does it lead to death - and when it does it is usually accidental.

It is a form of control (a little like anorexia )... self harmers can chose WHEN they self harm, WHERE they harm, HOW they harm - they have complete control over this part of their life.

Sometimes they relate that during this time they are in a dream -like state and feel little or no connection to the real world... and that they self harm in order to be able to FEEL something.

Once you find out WHY they self harm offer them support and try to explore ways in which they can try and control their feelings/alleviate the pressure inside them, without self harming. For example some people find that writing with red ink on their arm instead of cutting can help. Others find that putting a plastic band around their arm and pinging it can also help.

Next find ways to make self harming safer - so don't stop them from doing it but make sure they do it more safely. For example, suggest that they use a blade once only and throw it away after use. Get them to learn first aid so that they know how to take care of themselves after self harming - and get them to understand when they need to seek immediate medical help/advice. Get them to treat cuts and use creams to reduce scaring. Try to get them to think about ways in which they can reduce their self harming - perhaps cutting less deeply etc...

If they self harm again, do comment on their injury in the same way as if they had done it accidentally and feel for them/commisserate with them.

Many self harmers feel like they are the only ones doing it. Often they don't do it for attention (although some do) but its a way that they have found to cope with the pressure - and to stop the pressure from exploding. Its a way which works for them and it's addictive. Some self harmers say that after they have self harmed it then gives them permission to be nice to themselves and to curl up and treat their body nicely.

I hope these tips will help you talk to someone who self harms and give you the courage to help them and to sympathise with them - rather than making them feel worse than they already do. Unfortunately I think self-harmings seems to be more prevalent that many years ago - perhaps its all the pressure on young people nowadays?

Websites providing further information/advice are as follows:

http://www.rethink.org
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk
http://www.connexions-direct.com
http://www.selfharm.net/
http://www.childline.org.uk

The first point of contact can also be your local GP/local Health Centre.


Best of luck!

Summary: Self harm isn't a prelude to suicide. Self harm is normally a way to help them continue life