Too High Expectations Can Cause Anxiety & Depression (Helping your child cope with exam stress)

Member Name: splodgethecat

Product:	Helping your child cope with exam stress
Date:	03/08/01 (232 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Doo well and get on - theoretically

Disadvantages: Too much strain can cost

Every year, we hear at least one tragic case of teenage suicide, stemming from the stress endured by exam pressure. Although it can be really difficult for parents to strike a balance between encouragement and exerting pressure to do well, they somehow have to steer their children through this most difficult time, often with little idea on how to do this. On one hand, it is perceived as very important to get qualifications in order to get jobs or college places. Yet on the other, if the worst comes to the worse and a teenager does worse than expected, they can always re-take the exams a little later on.

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Somehow though, it often feels that ‘the moment has passed’ for kids in this situation and they end up not bothering to re-take, because they believe they have blown it completely. I can imagine it being so frustrating to have to put all your plans on hold for a year while you catch up, so I can imagine why they end up not trying and settling for something second best. Anyway, back to the terrible strain that some kids feel under at exam time.

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How can parents gauge whether their kids are suffering from excessive strain?

Well I would say to look for behaviour different from normal. Is the child quieter, louder than usual, more talkative, or less talkative? Do they appear to be easily irritated, indulging in daydreaming, having temper tantrums? Are they avoiding activities that they usually participate in? Do they have difficulty concentrating or making minor decisions? Look out for physical symptoms, such as headaches, muscle pain, stomach upsets, loss of appetite or insomnia. All or any of these could be a signpost to problems.

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Is there anything parents can do to help their child through exam time?

First of all, I would say that they firstly have to ensure that their kids know that however well or poor they do, it’s OK! It is not the end of the world if res
ults are worse then expected. Point out other options available should they fare worse than predicted; night school, re-sits, different college courses with lower entrance qualifications. If they have lots of options available, it doesn’t seem so much like an ‘all or nothing’ scenario. Get to know your child’s learning style; some learn from repetition, some learn more creatively. Some need to learn in chunks, some need regular breaks.

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Try to provide a study area in the house conducive to their needs. I remember when my daughter was studying, many years ago, my husband (who was a bit of a ‘boss in his own house’ sort) would under no circumstances turn the TV down when she was trying to study upstairs. Therefore I often found her in the toilet – the only place in the house quiet enough for her. It made me SO angry, but having rows about it would have made things even worst for her.

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Help them plan a revision timetable. Although your assistance in this won’t help directly, it will show them that you have an interest in their welfare and that you are aware of exactly how much they have ‘on their plate’ at the present time. Also, plan rewards for throughout revision time. A trip to the burger bar, or bowling etc will break up the weeks and make them seem more bearable.

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During the run up to exam time, encourage them to produce homework of quality, not quantity. Therefore they don’t get into the mindset of having to do LOADS of work, if it’s not necessary. A small amount of great stuff is better than masses of poor quality work.

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Finally, parents must realise that their relationship with their kids can be impaired if they let their too high expectations of them creep into everyday family life. We never really put any strain on our daughter. We let her get on with things and she did great. However, had
she have done worse than she did ...... that still would have been OK. Parents that push their kids too hard, run the risk of actually inducing anxiety and depression on top of the strain of the taking of the exams in the first place.

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I don’t profess to be an expert here, so I am only putting forward a few suggestions. It’s many years since my own daughter went through all this, however my grandson is starting to take his GCSE’s this year, so the family will have it all to come again. As far as I’m concerned, however well or poor he does, is fine by me. There is a world of opportunity out there, and much of it does not require the need for loads of paper qualifications anyway.

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