The first love is the deepest (Juniors in general)

Member Name: jimblob

Product:	Juniors in general
Date:	23/02/03 (609 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: ?

Disadvantages: Pain, hurt, erm.........

Memories.......like the corners of my mind..........dusty water colour memories......la de da de da de da etc...

Cupid first practised his bowmanship on me at the age of about twelve, (I know, I was a bit of a late starter)

Alison McMillan was her name and she broke my heart, (and my bike now that I come to think of it........bitch!)

She had a cute smile, lovely teeth, a sweet disposition and access to seemingly unlimited pocket money whenever the ice-cream van drove down the street.

How it all started:

On the balmy summer nights we used to have (remember them?), our gang used to hang around my back garden, we would play football, cricket, rounders, kick the can, hide and seek and when the sun went down the games got more saucy ;)
My favourite game was “kiss-kick or torture”, the boys and girls would split up into teams. The girls would have to chase us lads and if we were caught we would be given the choice of “Kiss-Kick or torture”, now if you were caught by a particularly horrible girl you would choose a kick or a torture, I mean lets face it, what self respecting twelve year old wants to kiss the ugliest, or fattest girl there?, what self respecting twelve year old wants to kiss any girl for that matter!?
Anyhoo, I digress, a kick, if chosen might mean a sore shin, or a bruised bum but if the offending pre-pubescent female was in fact pubescing (Is that a word?), she may not be in the best frame of mind and it’s not the first time that one of us was caught by a swift kick in the differentials! (I wince at the mere thought of it). So a torture would be picked if we thought that our dangly bits were in danger, now a torture could range from a Chinese burn to having to lie on the grass and have all the girls stand on you at the same time, not a good idea if there were ten girls and only four boys playing, also not a good idea if your twelve stone cousin was among them!
For thos
e reasons I always chose a kiss and that is how I fell in lurve with Alison Mcmillan.
She must have been eating something nice and sweet cos her lips tasted great, they were all soft and squishy and she smelled of strawberries (I found out later that it was her strawberry shampoo I could smell).

The courtship:

Once it was decreed that we were an “item” she would never miss an opportunity to punch me when we passed each other in the corridor at school.
A postal system was started whereby she would send little notes to me via her friends, each one demanding an answer by return, this proved to be extremely embarrassing when I was trying to be laddish with my mates. We developed a code between ourselves, she would send me wee love notes and if I was with my mates I would reply with some well chosen expletives.
The code:
Bugger off! = I love you too
Go to hell! = I love you too
You smell! = I am playing football with my mates tonight
I hate you! = Come to my house after school.

Where this code broke down was when I really did try to tell her to bugger off!

The end of a beautiful love affair:

Like all of the truly great romances the end was to be messy and hurtful.

*cue “New kid in town” by the Eagles..

Nigel came to live in our street.
He had a chopper.
His father was a sales rep for Mars.
He was bigger than me.
He was better looking than me.
He hated football.
He hated my mates (and me)
His mum and Alisons mum were best mates.

I could go on but the memories are still painful thirty years on.........

It took me hours to get over the hurt!
I vowed never to kiss another a girl and I would never, and I mean never, eat another mars product as long as I lived.

I managed to keep both vows sacred............................well, until I got my pocket money and played the next game of “Kiss-kick or tor
ture” that is ;)

Summary: