This is such a different type pf review for me as I normally keep them light hearted but having read these brave womens experiences I felt the need to share my story.
I have 3 nealthy children who I thank god for everyday but sadly there is 1 missing. In 2002 my kids were 4 and 3 and me and my husband found out on Feb 7th we were expecting again which came a suprise as I was on the pill-it was a lovely suprise because we had discussed having another 2 children in the future. We told our other 2 kids who were thrilled and although I suffered the worst morning sickness in the world,things were progressing normally.On April 4th I had my first scan-we took the children with us and headed into the scan room-everyone was so excited to see the new baby
The sonographer was measuring everything and we were waiting for her to show us the baby when she said there was a problem and she had to get a doctor. We waited in that room for a few minutes until the doctor came and suggested a nurse took the kids outside and that was when I knew there was s serious problem.He explained to us that our baby had anacephaly and would not "be viable for life"
At that point I started to cry and barely heard him say that I would have to come back the next day and give birth but the horror of it all really hit home when we had to tell our children whio were devastates.After we had told them me and my partner just sat there looking at each other before we both cried.After a few minutes I said to him that we were blessed with 2 beautiful healthy kids and we needed to look after them as well as ourselves so we made plans or the next day,someone to look after them etc. We went into the hospital at 9am and as went through the hospital we heard Blues song If You Come Back In my Life playing-to thid day I cant hear that song without tears in my eyes. I was given pessaries to bring on labour and offered morphine which I declined-after all I had given birth twice with no pain relief and I was going to do it for this one too.After 9 hours the baby was born and the nurse took her away(it was too early to tell the sex but we are sure she was a girl and we called her jaime) We made arrangements for a cremation with the hospital chaplain-we didnt need a birth or death certificate as she was too little. I went home the next day full of sadness but so thankful for my 2 babies and decided I needed to focus more on the kids I had rather than my angel. The cremation was 3 days later and just me and my husband atteneded-it was unbearable and to this day I cant remember any of ot- I think ive just blocked it out. We put a little tree in the crematorium and twice a year on the day she was born and her due date we go and take flowers and although it still hurts so much we try and concentrate on our 3 babies although some times really random things remind me of her and make me cry. We had a healthy baby boy 18 months later who we love and to anyone who has ever lost a baby my heart goes out to you but its ok to be a wreck for a while-we dont always have to be srtong-I think sometimes you need to fall apart and then regroup-and i found it good to talk about her-gone but not forgotten my angel