The day my world caved in (Miscarriage in general)

Member Name: flossy

Product:	Miscarriage in general
Date:	14/10/00 (230 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: none

Disadvantages: heartbreaking and soul destroying

Miscarriage..what a terrible word it is. No one knows what actually causes this terrible thing to happen but it is thought that one in three pregnancies ends this way. Facts and figures dont help though do they when all you want is your own special baby to hold and love. All around there are pregnant women and babies in prams, but there you are, totally useless and unable to do the most natural thing in the world.

It is normal to feel like this after the loss of a baby. You may find your emotions running high between guilt and anger. Anger that this should happen to you and guilt because you must have done something wrong for this to happen. It is normal to feel this way.

You may start to feel isolated. People all around you dont quite know what to say so they dont say anything. You feel empty and alone. The people around you either dont understand your feelings or dont care.

People do care though but are afraid of what to say. They will be scared of hurting you more and causing you even more pain. Find someone to talk to because talking about your feeling does help. If you can the best person to talk to is your partner. They are experiencing the same feelings of loss as you. Remember that no matter what has happened, you have each other.

I guess you are wondering what gives me the right to talk about this. Well this is my story and Im sure that it will strike a nerve with many people out there.

When my husband and I first decided that it was time to try for a baby I really wasn't in any hurry. I knew that these things take time as I had been on the Pill for years, I was sure that it would take a while. Imagine my suprise and delight when I found out that I was pregnant just a month later.

I have never been so excited in my life. I went to all the usual midwife appointments and was gradually builing up a little stock of goodies for my new baby.

When the date came through for my 18 week scan at the h
ospital, I just can't describe how excited I felt. After all these weeks I was going to see my baby on a screen.

That excitement was very short lived. A doctor examined me and said that he thought that there could possibly be a problem. My heart sank. I was sent for a scan where my husband and I waited in a packed room with smiling pregnant women. Then it was my turn. Try not to worry, I was told....there is a good chance that everything is ok. As soon as I looked at the screen I knew what I could see. Not one baby but two. Imagine my shock....I was pregnant with twins. Once again though I was sent crashing down to earth. Yes there was two babies but one was dead and the other they wasn't sure about. I was told to come back at the end of the week then they should be able to tell me more. That week has got to be the longest of my life. All sorts of things were running through my mind. Why me?? Why must both my babies die?? What have I done wrong??

When I went back to be rescanned it was confirmed that both my babies were dead. I was admitted straight away and had a D&C.

Some months later we decided that we should try again. I felt sure that I would fall again quickly but the months passed and the periods still came. Then something strange began to happen. I would start to bleed very suddenly and very heavily and it would last for weeks then stop only to start up again a few days later. I visited my GP four times and even a consultant at the hospital who just told that everything was normal.

One night, whilst watching tele, I starting experiencing terrible stomach pains. They was so bad that I could hardly walk and the bleeding started again. My husband rushed me to the local A & E only to be given some pain killers and told to go home and rest.

The next morning I went straight back to my GP who reffered me to the hospital. The first thing they done was a pregnancy test which was positive. I couldn't believe tha
t I didn't know my body well enough to know that I was pregnant and I certainly couldn't believe that a consultant had examained me a few weeks before and told me everything was normal when I was infact 12 weeks pregnant at that time. The next day I gave birth to my dead son. I was 16 weeks pregnant and I didn't have a clue.

That was four years ago and now I am now the proud mother of two beautiful girls. All babies are special but I think that mine are even more so because of the heartbreak that I had been through.

I got through my dreadful experience with the help and strength of my wonderful husband. He was always there for me when I burst into those unexplained fits of tears and he always listened to me when I needed to talk. If you feel there is no one that you can get support from then contact the miscarriage association. They can put you in contact with people who have suffered in the same way and can be a shoulder to cry on. They run support groups as well as having councillors that will talk or listen to you whenever you need help.

The pain does ease in time though. You will find that you wont be thinking about your baby every minute of every day anymore. I still cry for my lost babies but the pain isnt as raw and the tears are becoming less and less.

If you are going through this hell then never ever give up hope. Its normal to grieve, its normal to cry and cry and its normal to feel anger at life. People will cope in different ways and you will cope the best way you can. Just remember that there are people around that want to help you.

You can contact the miscarriage association at Miscarriage Association
c/o Clayton Hospital
Northgate
Wakefield
West Yorkshire
WF1 3JS

or ring the helpline Monday to Friday 9am-4pm 01924 200799 or 0131 334 8883 if your are in Scotland.

The website address is www.the-ma.org.uk or email miscarriageassoiat
ion@care4free.net.

The the help of other people, you can be strong and get through this.

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