Newest Review: ... and then I started passing huge clots, so was rushed back into EPAU. And I think now I had their attention. A doctor was brought dow... more
my christmas gift is gone
Miscarriage in general
Member Name: barbie84
Miscarriage in general
I sit here writing this with tears rolling down my face, cramps in my stomach and so many emotions running through my head so please bear with me.
We found out on the second of december that I was pregnant, after the roller coaster of a year we have had we thought that our luck was finaly changing and things were starting to look up, me and my husband joked with each other that it was our christmas present to each other and with our due date being our wedding aniversary it would have been a double gift.
Everything was going well, I was being careful and taking things easy, I hadn't had any morning sickness which could have been an early indication that there was something wrong but I wasn't concerned as I had not had any morning sickness with my eldest two either.
I got up on Sunday the nineteenth of december and had a few spots of brown blood, I phoned the hospital and was told it wasn't unusual to experience spotting but to call back if it got any heavier, on Monday morning it was a bit heavier but still dark brown which the hospital said was old blood and nothing to stress about but booked me an early scan for Tuesday.
Tuesday the blood was still the same colour and very light, the scan showed that baby was fine and the doctor assured me the blood was nothing to worry about and said it was probably a break through bleed when my period should have been.
We went home reasured with our minds at ease, I didnt have any more bleeding from dinner time that day and went to bed quite calm and content.
Wednesday i didnt have any bleeding at all, Thursday at eleven a.m I began to bleed heavily and this time it was bright red and very thin, I went back to the hospital and was scanned again this time there was no heart beat, my baby had died, we were sent home to let nature take its cause. At this point I wasn't in any pain but was told to expect period like cramps, heavy bleeding and to pass some clots. I was told the bleeding should stop in ten days or so but if it didn't to go to my doctors and to come back to the hospital if the bleeding was heavier than a large sanitary towel per hour.
By late Thursday night the cramps were excruciating, nothing like period pains but more like contractions, paracetamol alone wasn't strong enough so i took ibuprofen aswell which made the pain bearable but didn't take it away completley. My bleeding is in surges rather than constant like it is with a period, there will be nothing wholst I am resting but if i move my pad floods, I have had the urge to wee more often too except when I go to the toilet I don't need to weee its another clot, the clots have been a lot larger than I was expecting too I have had lots of fifty pence sized clots but also a couple conciderably larger.
I am now five days in to my miscarriage, the pain has eased a lot but is still there when the paracetamol wears off, my bleeding is still heavy but with less clots, I just have to waite and see if it stops on its own now.
Physically I think my body is over the worst of it but emotionaly I am a reck, I knoe realistically things like this happen for no reason but its easier to have some one to blame and there is no one to blame but me it was inside me after all, having to tell close friends and family was the easy bit listening to what they had to say was the hard bit, it wasn't meant to be doesn't make me stop wanting my baby back, there will be other babies, I don't want other babies I wanted this one, its gods way, then he's a cruel man.
I just want to avoid the world right now, my heart is broken the pain is fresh and my tears still fall,the tears will dry, the pain will stop and my heart will mend, there may well be another baby in the future but right now I need to grieve for this one.
Summary: gone too soon
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