Pain that lasts for eternity. (Miscarriage in general)

Member Name: little devil

Product:	Miscarriage in general
Date:	12/07/01 (1152 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: none

Disadvantages: pain

I have seen this category and nearly written my opinion loads of times, but something inside has always stopped me. I suppose it’s because I still have not achieved complete acceptance of what happened, but I suppose this opinion will help me, if no one else. See I have never really been able to talk about it, to anyone, which has meant keeping my feelings bottled up.

You wouldn’t believe how hard it was for me to write what you are about to read and I hope it is of some help to anyone, I have done my best. It was extremely difficult and so I am a little unsure about posting it. Well here goes…

My story…
My pregnancy was not planned, to be honest with you I wasn’t having sex that regularly. I was a little depressed and so very reserved and in myself. I went about my normal life, clubbing, drinking and just generally not bothering about myself. I missed a period, but I put that down to over exhorting myself and being totally stressed out, I figured these things happen to people in that frame of mind. So I went about my day to day life not thinking anything of running myself into the ground.

One morning on my way to work I felt what I can best describe as a ‘jerk’ in my stomach, I assumed my period had started and made a little detour to the supermarket on my way. I bought the goods and popped into the toilet to put the plug in (as it where!). However after about 10 minutes the tampon was full and I was leaking, and this was a maximum absorbency tampon. I decided against going to work and went home instead to try again.

The problem persisted and I was getting a little bit worried, the amount of blood I was losing. So I rang the good people at NHS direct and she asked me a series of questions, like if there was any chance I could be pregnant and when I said yes and she went a little quiet on me. The doctor/nurse on the end of the line told me to go see a doctor as soon as pos
sible, and if not my GP then the accident and emergency department at the hospital.

I got an appointment with my doctor and after moaning about me being there and not really listening to me he gave me some tablets to calm the bleeding and sent me on my way. But later on, when I got out of the bath what I can best describe as a little ‘shell’ fell out of me. I knew what it was, I have guessed already that I had had a miscarriage, and after talking to someone who went through the experience it was clear I had.

So what did I do? Well I went back to the doctors, but he shunned me and told me to go away. Well not in them words, he did put it a little more tactfully but I guessed what he was saying. After all there wasn’t anything he could do for me, it had happened and I had to deal with it. I then went home and well cried. I told my boyfriend, who was away at the time, but there was nothing he could do and I didn’t want to talk about it.

No one else really knows. What makes it so hard is the fact that I didn’t know I was pregnant and so think I am to blame for losing the baby. There are a thousand things women need to do to ensure a healthy birth, but I didn’t, I went out and got drunk.

I figured it out and I was about 10 weeks pregnant but I had not been able to plan things for my child. Lets face it I couldn’t even look after it (I don’t like referring to my little one like that though) whilst pregnant so what chance did he/she stand really in all fairness.

It hit me afterwards, and all them things women plan whilst carrying their child, like names, when it would have been due etc. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on, I don’t even know why I had these feelings since I was unaware of the existence of my child.

I will never get to hear my baby cry, or hold it in my arms, hear their first words or guide them in every day. And that hurt
s. I suppose my child wasn’t meant to be and they are in heaven now with the angels, I just hope they are being looked after.

My baby was unborn but by no means unloved.

I would just like to add I know it was hard for the baby’s father, but I have never been able to talk to him about it and that is something I regret. I know it hurt him too, but my pain was all I could deal with, and for that I am sorry.

Well that’s basically my story, not the whole of it, as I am not brave enough to tell you everything but you get the gist.

Apparently one in five pregnancies end in a miscarriage, so it is not uncommon, not that this helps, like anything else everyone’s pain is different and although someone may have been through what essentially is the same experience they are not you.

Feelings…
When you begin to miscarry I suppose it is natural to have feelings of fear and wondering what you did wrong. Whilst all women will deal with the situation differently, it’s only natural. The thing is no matter how well you think you can cope you need to grieve and come to terms with what happened. The pain does get easier, I can promise you that, but I don’t think I will ever forget my baby.

You may feel any of the following:
- Anger
- Depression
- Changes in sleeping pattern
- Being resentful of pregnant women
- Being uninterested in everyday life
- Loneliness
- Feeling guilty
- Many more, according to the individual.

I found that although it got easier for me as time went on I did have a hard time around the time the baby should have been born. I suppose this is only natural but it did cause me problems later, when I was getting to grips with the situation.

Please I would urge you to share your feelings, especially with a partner, I found it very difficult to keep mine to myself and I would have loved to have had the courage to share
my pain with the only other person who was going through something similar. The baby’s father my boyfriend.

Your Partner…
They will too be upset, because they have lost a child too and due to the pan and distress you are going through. He may think it is his fault, as he is the one who got you pregnant, who knows men will deal with the situation differently to their partner, but they need to be included. For their sake talk about their feelings and what they think.

I cannot really relate to this, as I said I didn’t deal with this very well, unfortunately.

Why I refused to talk about it…
I was hurting, I felt helpless especially as I was unaware of carrying the child in the first place. I found it very difficult to cope with, and I was grieving I had lost someone, they had died and they did it inside me. I thought nobody could understand and chose to shut it out. I tried to forget what had happened and instead jut cried when I went to bed.

Physical effects…
A miscarriage is not only emotional you will also have physical symptoms. Like bleeding, this could last for up to 2 weeks, but the amount of blood you lose will reduce over time. Associated with this are stomach pains and cramps. Use pads rather than tampons and avoid sex, or you run the risk of getting an infection.

I found my next period was a little heavier than normal, and a little more uncomfortable. However physical symptoms should go away in 2 weeks, but consult the doctor if you have anything unusual, as this may be a sign of infection.

Afterwards…
Miscarriages should not effect your chances of falling pregnant again although I think t would be best to wait a while before trying to conceive. You should be offered ‘after care’ although I wasn’t, the hospital will provide this more readily than the doctors, so this may be a thought.

Causes…
There is no def
inite reason for a miscarriage, which makes it that little bit more difficult to deal with. Things such as hormone irregularities and infections can lead to this happening as well as genetic problems. But there is no way of knowing exactly why it happened.

I do not know what caused mine, I never will.


There is not one day that goes by that I do not think about my baby and what could have been, every time I see a little child there is a part of me that is jealous and wish it was me. It hurts and there is a hole in my heart that will never be filled, I hope God looks after my little one and keeps him/her safe.

Finally I would like to share something with you that I have never shown anyone before, I suppose this is a way of finally trying to come to terms and talk about things but anyway. I am not claiming it is good but it comes straight from the heart and well what more can I say.


I DIDN’T KNOW…

My beloved I am sorry
More than anyone could know
I feel it’s my fault
I did it all wrong
But my child I didn’t know

I didn’t know until it was too late
To love you with all my heart
And to dedicate each day to you
But no one told me you where there
Until we had to part

In a few short weeks you changed my life
And made an impact deep
I didn’t get to savoir our time together
But please know I think of you now
Every single day

They tried to tell me not to cry
That you were never whole
That you were not a baby
No one mourned but me
For your soul so dear

I now know you are in heaven
And in eternity we’ll meet
Until then I pray for you
My darling I am always here
Missing you

A life of hopes and dreams
Slipped away from me
I wish that I had known
To make our time more special
But I promise, I love you deeply

I am sorry I didn’t k
now
I will always love you
I will always mss you
And a dad loves you too

…mum…

Summary: