Essential items for surviving Maternity hospitals. (My Version of the List)

Member Name: GillMN

Product:	My Version of the List
Date:	18/11/08 (198 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: You will impress the nursing staff!

Disadvantages: You might need a big bag.

My list.

1. Ear plugs.
Hospitals are the noisiest place on God's earth when you are trying to get some sleep after the big event. They are quite useful too for sticking up your nose when you have to change juniors nappy.

2. A Walkman.
Drowns out the screaming, especially your own.

3. Some clothes for the little one.
Not ones with small poppers because you won't be co-ordinated enough to do them up properly. He or she will end up going for extra checks because you have dressed them so lop sidedly that they look permanently hunched up.

4. A Suduko book and a pen.
This is to keep the Night Sister occupied and in one place. If you don't keep them occupied they will harass you all night!

5. A water based marker pen and a mirror.
This is to write on your bump with! A message like...."This bump is attached to a thinking human being!" is quite a useful reminder to the doctors that you are not just a 'case.' Put a smiley face on too if you are feeling friendly!

6. Going home clothes.
My husband forgot mine so I had to borrow some from the lady in the next bed! Which would have been okay except that she was about six inches shorter than me and six sizes smaller!

7. Industrial strength sanitary towels.
I won't explain in case anyone of a delicate nature is reading.

8. A supply of Marks and Spencers' snacks and finger foods.
Bring enough to share with the ladies in the neighbouring beds and enough to bribe hospital staff with. You wouldn't believe how much faster you can get a bedpan when you wave a smoked salmon sandwich at a nurse who has been too busy to get some supper.

9. Your laptop.
So you can write a review of Muchgrunting Maternity Hospital for us.

10. A spare plug.
This is invaluable if you are going for a water birth.

11. A camera.
To photograph your beautiful new baby with obviously! Also handy to take a quick piccy of your husband when he faints. You can blackmail him with it for years afterwards.

12. Vodka concealed in flourescent Holy Water bottles.
This is good for two reasons.
A. Everyone will think you are holy and leave you alone in case you try to convert them.
B. You will be able to find it in the dark.

13. One of those remote controls that works any television.
Great if the noisy blighter in the next bed has got theirs on at full blast, you can drive them bonkers by surreptitiously turning their telly down, or changing their channels or even turning it off. Think what fun you could have!

14. Your sense of humour.


~~~*~~~
These 'words of wisdom' are if you really are about to give birth.

It's your body that is producing this miracle.
You deserve to be treated like royalty and consulted every step of the way.
Your pain and anxiety will give way to incredible joy.
You are the only person in the world that could produce your unique and beautiful child.

I hope it goes well for you and that my list has made you laugh.

Summary: All you need really!