Selfish for the right reasons (Parental Support in general)

Member Name: millwall23

Product:	Parental Support in general
Date:	14/10/00 (128 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Sooooooo many

Disadvantages: Lots but nothing in comparison to the advantages

What can I tell you about being a parent? Everything and nothing all in one go, parenthood is so very different for everyone that my experiences may be the opposite of someone else’s. Instead of trying to tell you something you didn’t know I thought I’d share my experience with you in the hope that you find something special in it.

Background

I met my husband when I was 14, we married when I was 20 and one year later we started trying for a family. We were over the moon when I found out I was already pregnant but something bothered me and my fears were proven right when I miscarried. I miscarried a further 2 pregnancies over the next year and I was beginning to think we would never have children when 1 ½ years after the first pregnancy I got another positive test. This pregnancy was successful and resulted in Thai, a healthy 7lb 9oz baby who changed my life forever (I was 23 when she was born).

Being a mother

I’d heard all the statistics and I’m sure you have too, I knew that having a child would cost me £100,000 in their first 18 years. I knew that to bottle-feed I would make and wash at least 1500 bottles during the first year and change around 2000 nappies. I knew it would be a 24 hr - 7 day a week job, it would put a strain on my marriage and that the next 18 years of my life would revolve around that child. Quite frankly that nothing would ever be the same again.

So why did I have a child? Because I’m selfish, Warren says I was born to be a mother, I don’t know about that but I just knew that despite having no experience with babies what so ever it was right and I was ready. I’m happy to say that I wasn’t wrong, I was ready.

To quote from the film As Good As It Gets “you make me want to be a better person”, that is the greatest compliment you can ever give someone and that’s exactly the way Thai makes me feel.

She&#
8217;s taught me that I’m not infallible, that I can, do and will make mistakes and that it’s ok. She’s taught me that I’m special and I have a lot to offer and to achieve that all she’s had to do is be herself. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done and there is no formula to this job, when I got one problem solved it would change and I’d be back at square one. At first that used to upset me, why couldn’t I do it right? That was until I realised there is no right and since then we play it by ear and are a very happy family.

I wake every morning exhaused and that’s before a busy day even begins yet I always burst into her room full of excitement to see her. Every task is a chore but strangely enjoyable at the same time, it seems that I can even make bum changes enjoyable for her if I try and that makes me smile.

I was never able to keep a neat and tidy house (to say the least) but I have become organised and efficient over the last year. Housekeeping has become second nature to me without even having to try, before no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t do it. It just goes to show what a dramatic effect on your personality a child can have.

I find myself looking forward to everything I’m going to do with her, helping with homework, backing cakes and cookies for daddy, going to the zoo or the fair, learning from one another. Even taking her out to treat her to that new pop group I know is going to make me pull my hair out!

I know she’s going to love me one day and hate me the next, that we will have problems to face and some will be big. I suspect I will hate her boyfriends and that they will loath me, that the sex talk will come to late and she’ll probably out drink her parents by the time she is legally of age. But that is all part of it and they are problems I will face if they arise but for now I’m looking forward to that firs
t “I love you mummy” that is going to melt my heart.

The warnings were true, having a baby put a strain on our marriage like I never imagined yet we are far closer and even more in love than I thought possible. Things have changed though somewhere along the line we stopped being a couple with a baby and became a family and our priorities reflect that as well, it’s a very special experience.

To conclude

In a way I’m glad I don’t have all the answers because Thai is an individual and nothing makes me more proud than when people tell me I have such a contented little girl, that’s a big part of what I want for her. I still say I had a child for selfish reasons and I know that I want another for the same selfish reasons. But things have changed, being a parent has changed me for the better and if I can give just a little of that back to my kids then that’s the least I can do.

I know how much effort it takes to do even the smallest things sometimes, when you are tired and you want 5 minutes to yourself. But I look back on my own childhood and think I wish I’d had this or I wish I’d done that and they weren’t anything drastic just small things. It takes so much effort some days but I try to give my daughter those things she needs or wants so when she looks back she doesn’t have nearly as many regrets as me. I don’t think you can spoil your child with love it’s when you try to buy that love that you spoil them and I think they can tell.

That however is just my own personal opinion, if I’ve made you at least think or smile then I’m glad I shared this with you.

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