Supported or unsupported? I think parents don't get a good deal. (Parental Support in general)

Member Name: azana

Product:	Parental Support in general
Date:	03/06/09 (59 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: being a parent is great

Disadvantages: support is woeful

Becoming a parent is, I am sure most people who have been through it would agree, one of the most steep learning curves you will go through ever. It is amazing and humbling in equal degrees and full of suprises and the harsh discovery that you will end up saying all those things your mum used to say and no, you won't be perfect all the time.

If you took on a new job you would expect training and support, but too often when people become a parent they think it will be just intuitive and disappointment is sure to follow. In the past parents were supported by their community but today, sadly that is not so. I have a few worries about this and I think the way parenting is valued and supported or not in this country.

Firstly, and perhaps due to the fact that many parents don't get advice from their parents, we have seemed to turn to books and parenting gurus in this country. There are authors who haven't even had children who have made vast amounts of money telling the rest of us how to do it (and I shan't mention names here as the main routine advocate I can think of actually sued a parenting site as she didn't like criticism). There are endless programmes on TV showing naughty steps and nightmare kids. This is all plain wrong if people feel governed by the books and the programmes. I do think that the books and programmes portray parenting as some sort of ordeal - sure it has its challenges, but these books are often not right or wrong and sometimes no support whatsover. They do seem to have empowered every granny I have ever encountered when my child is having an off moment with the power to offer unsollicited and unhelpful "advice" or tut, this is not always a good thing.

Secondly it worries me deeply that this country seems to have decided that the solution to the lack of real support for parents is daycare, lots of it. Fantastic as it is that 3 year olds are shortly to have 3 hours per day funded preschool/nursery time per day there is more pressure than ever to put young children into a day long session. That is not to say that I have every respect for parents who work and think daycare should be there as a support to those that choose it, I just don't like the feeling I have that this government seem to have decided that they should set targets for under 3's and write curriculums. There is even a curriculum for under 1's full of what they should be doing - that is not support at all, that is making parents feel from the start that they can't measure up to the ideal.

That is indeed the crux of problem, often in this country parents are not supported properly. The number of Health Visitors is at a record low, if you do have a concern with your child it is far easier to turn to the parenting forums on the internet than to find a professional to help, GP's are too busy, the two and a half year check has disappeared, even at the start you don't get a midwife but a "team", at a time when parents are expected to be doing more and more there is, it seems, less constructive support than ever in some cases.

The headlines scream that 5 year olds are coming to school not knowing how to listen, or eat with a knife and fork, but the reality is somewhere along the line the knowledge that would help many parents learn how to feed and discipline their children correctly is either being conveyed in the wrong manner or not at all.

Personally I enjoy being a parent, but I don't have any family support to speak of. When I got food poisoning along with my 5 month old I spent a week having to get on with it and breastfeeding her even though I hadn't eaten for a week as there was just no one to ask for help. At times I have literally been near hallucinating from two hours' sleep and chocolate and adrenaline has got me through - this is not a whinge from me just the reality of parenting sometime.

I have learned that the best support that there is comes in the form of other parents. Whether the support be from parenting forums or from my network of "real life" friends I have found that the support I have built up for myself is the only real support there is.

There are now children's centres that, from my experience of them, have had a lot of money spent on them - they do offer support for some groups of mums. I met a delightful very young mum yesterday, of probably 18 or maybe younger who was happy with the help she had received and seemed to be doing a great job. Sometimes however you, as a parent don't fall into the "right" group and so you may not have access to the parenting course or the free baby massage. Surestart is a charity that does offer real support in the form of volunteers that will go and help for a couple of hours, but again provision is not adequate probably.

In conclusion I would say that parental support is important between the generations. It is important to support your own children in all they do, and in the lack of any cohesive system in this country those people who do have grannies or grandads to help should realise that they are worth their weight in gold. All of us should support parents in whatever way we can. Certainly being a parent is a choice and can be fantastic but when we see a mum struggling with a tantruming child a smile or a "we've all been there" is more helpful than a tut.

I live in a fantastic community where parents generally do support each other, we swap childcare or babysitting for appointments and so on, it wasn't like that where I used to live. Overall I would like to see parents everywhere help and support each other in real ways so that parents can regain the confidence in their ability to parent that has, in my opinion, been lost in the mire of judgemental programmes and government reports. Parents need support and I think the future of our children would be much better if we all supported parents a little better.

On a personal note I hope, God willing, to see my own children have their babies and hope I will be able to be there for them 100%, as I am now when they are growing up. Hopefully I will be there to support them and advise them if they ask for it. As a mum I think that the support I give my children now is as important as anything that money can buy, and the support given by and to parents is a pretty vital component in bringing up our young children. Let's not underestimate the importance of parental support.

Summary: when exactly did we decide the books knew best?