Take a little piece of my heart now baby! (Parenting in general)

Member Name: angusreid

Product:	Parenting in general
Date:	05/01/02 (113 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: learn Spanish!

Disadvantages: 1 million and then some :o(

I wrote this op about a month ago on a different opinion site, but thought that it may help some people on here.
Having had time to reflect on the whole situation and come to terms with everything, I still feel that my initial reaction and “mad man ramblings” are clear and concise, and reflect both my mood at the time as well as my feelings today.
This is about family planning, but more on the long-term effects and even the tribulations of parenthood.
I know that is a strong word, but it looms over our heads and can easily cloud the more rosy side of parentage, so please, read on and I hope my emotions don’t get the better of me here.

The Opinion.

Sometimes, some things have no exact category, nor do they have an absolute description.

I have thought long and hard about this, even writing it, but I hope that by doing so, someone out there can relate to me, and either empathise my position or give me some sound advice on how they managed in a similar situation.

Last night my ex-wife called to inform me that they were moving to Gibraltar with the children for anything from 18 months to 3 years.

Her husband has been drafted there with his naval post.

I have had time to come to terms with the fact that I wont be able to see the children as much as I have been, although at 13 and 11 years old, I will be missing a major part of their lives.

They only live an hour’s drive away from here, but I tend to have them stay the weekends and holidays.

My ex is okay about it all and said I can visit and that they can come to stay with me for holidays etc, but I cant help but feel a huge wrench in my stomach at the thought of them being so far away.

Funnily enough I actually posted an op on Gibraltar about 6 months ago and said then it was no place for children.
Ironic.

Now, if I can explain my reasons for posting this here, they are that when planning a fa
mily/children, you can’t foresee the future.
A relationship based on love is special, but a family must be based on common sense and commitment.

How many times have you heard people say, “If we only had children, it would be different!”

Absolute crap!

If you believe that then you are living in a relationship that is a lie.

Things wont get better if you have kids, they will get worse!

Now before you say, “hang on a minute” I mean if you are not happy before you have kids, you certainly wont be when you have them.

Granted, children can bring people closer together, but they can be an excuse for a lack of attention, a lack of trust and even for a frustration about your partner.

I believe that more people get divorced because of the strains of bringing up a family, than anything else.

Money causes a lot of divorce, but it is mainly due to the cost of brining up children than the lack of money that two working adults with no children have.

My picture is dark as I want anyone who is considering the natural act of childbirth to consider the facts.

It is better to bring a child into the world in a single relationship than an unhappy married/coupled one.

Don’t think things will get better if your other half has sleepless nights, cant afford to go out as you have clothes and food to buy for the children, or even give you more attention as you now have a child, as these things are unlikely to happen if they aren’t in place first.

Back to my predicament!

Another reason I don’t want people to have children to cure something, is that is exactly what happened with me.

We had children when we weren’t settled, and clung on for 6 years causing nothing but misery and pain to each other, and I am sure the children suffered.

It took me some 6 years after we split up to ascertain what may be descri
bed as a reasonable form of communication with my ex and to win back the respect and love of both Kayleigh and Jonathan, my children.

But to have them ripped out of my arms again brings back the whole feeling of emptiness and hurt that I had left behind me.

This year has been an absolute Annus Horribilus or whatever it was the Queen used to describe her worst year in her Christmas Speech.

I have been made redundant, had a job where the two directors were mental bullies from Tom Brown’s Schooldays, almost had Sherry, my wife go to India with her work for 6 months, had a stress related illness, lost our dream house when the seller backed out, and lost a good mate by lending him money, only to never hear from him again.

It’s funny though, I sat last night and said to Sherry, there is nothing more that can be chucked at us!
We sat and laughed at all the bad things that have happened to us, and then looked at the positive.

I have my own business now, and probably wouldn’t have done so if the other companies I went to work for had been half decent.
We have our health.
We have each other
We have love.

So things aren’t bad and I am not on a complete downer, just gutted that I will once more miss the smiles and laughter of my children on a regular basis.

I have gone on enough now, and am not entirely sure if my advice is any good, but understand this.

Having children is easy.
Leaving them is the worst feeling you will ever have to cope with.

Angus Reid

I actually had the children over on New Years Eve, and they spoke to me then about the move.
They aren’t as keen as I thought they would be, and that makes it harder to accept.
I have told them that if it doesn’t work out in any way, I always have a place for them here.

I think though, once they get to Gibraltar, things will change and they will enjoy the different c
ulture.
Who knows, maybe if I take a crash course in Spanish we can even chat over the phone in a different language!

Viva Espania!

Summary: