Ask for help! (Post-Natal Depression)

Member Name: masonsmum

Product:	Post-Natal Depression
Date:	22/01/09 (82 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None.

Disadvantages: Loss of a bond with your child :(

This is an article I wrote on PND. Sorry its long. After it, is my own story and montage I made about my PND. It has been used at conferences with midwives and health visitors.

~ About~

Post Natal Depression is an illness that can affect any mother at any time after the birth of the baby. It can manifest in a wide variety of symptoms and can have many different causes. Although it can happen to any mother, there are factors that can add a higher risk of developing PND.

~ Causes ~

Factors that may Trigger PND

If a mother experiences a traumatic birth, or one with lots of medical intervention, the risk of developing PND is said to be higher. Some women may feel a failure after needing a medical birth if they had hoped for as natural a labour as possible, others may be in shock and so may not have as much chance or the ability to bond with a new baby after a traumatic birth.

If a mum to be feels unhappy about being pregnant or has a difficult pregnancy the risk of developing PND is said to be higher.
If the mum to be does not have much social support either with family or friends, or feels socially excluded from the likes of mother and toddler groups, this can lead to a higher risk of developing PND.

Women who suffer from depression before pregnancy and/or stop taking anti depressants during pregnancy are said to be at higher risk of developing Post Natal Depression.

Some believe that PND can run in families, though there is not strong evidence to back this up.

Women who have previously suffered with PND before are said to be at a higher risk of developing it again.

Having relationship issues with the father of the baby.

Although these factors do suggest a higher risk of PND it is not set in stone that a mum to be with any, some or all of the above will definitely develop PND but it could be worth talking to a midwife or GP if you feel you may be at risk.

~ Symptoms of PND ~

Feelings of guilt, inadequacy, failure, helplessness
Lethargy (tiredness) and lack of enthusiasm
Irritability, mood swings.
Feelings of suicide or harming the baby
Loss of appetite
Feeling tearful and low
Feeling detached, 'numb' to your partner, child and life as a whole.
Anxiety and/or panic attacks
Fear of socialising, or lack of enthusiasm to do so.
inability to concentrate, feeling confused.
lack of sleep, excessive sleeping and unsettled sleep.
Loss of confidence

These are some of the main signs of PND, some mums may exhibit a few, others more than a few, PND can affect mums in many different ways. It is very important to speak to your GP, Health visitor and anyone you feel you can trust if you are having some symptoms. If you are not able to talk about it, it can help to keep a diary, to write your feelings down and show your diary to your GP or Health Visitor. PND is an illness and in no way is a reflection of you as a mother. It does not mean you are mad, a failure, or anything else. Having a baby, whether it is your first, second or more is always a huge change and can be a difficult one to adjust to. When you have a baby, you get the title of 'mum', but you should remember it takes time, trial and error and experience to fully become a mother, you are learning as much as your baby, no matter how many children you have had or not had before.

~ Getting Help and Helping Yourself ~

The first step is going to talk to your GP, explain what is going on, he or she will not judge you, they will have seen it all before and will want to help you however possible. He or she may discuss with you the possibility of anti depressants and counselling. Be open and honest if you can be, the more information you give your GP the more likely the help you receive will be effective.

Tell your loved ones, they may not be able to fully understand, but look at books together, find out all you can and work together to get you through this. Try not to feel guilty for leaning on your loved ones, i imagine you would do the same for them, if they needed you. Getting through PND as a family may help to make your family bonds even stronger.

To help yourself, a great idea is to keep a 'feel good' book. Each day write about the things you have achieved that day that made you feel good, that made you feel as though you were coping. It could be anything from managing to get the washing done, to venturing out to the shops. Although these little goals may seem small, as each day goes by, you will find as a whole, its a big step in the right direction.

Remember, even when receiving help with PND, that you will have your bad days still and it may seem you have taken a step back, but nobody can be happy all the time, its okay to have bad days, just keep thinking of the next day as a better one.

Sometimes it can help to break your thinking pattern with PND. Try wearing an elastic band around your wrist, and whenever you find yourself dwelling on thoughts that make you feel low, ping the elastic band as hard as you can. This small distraction, if used continuously, can help break the chain of thinking. Similarly, having a keyword to shout when you find yourself dwelling on bad thoughts can help. My own word was 'bananas' and i will always remember walking down my high street feeling low, then suddenly yelling "BANANAS!" much to the shock of other people around me! Try it and see, you cant help but laugh and the distraction again helps you break the pattern.

Writing affirmations can help. Affirmations are positive thinking statements that you can either tape or write down over and over again, (a note pad page full or 30 mins of a tape is plenty) first thing in the morning, at midday and just before you go to sleep. You choose the statements, try to build them on what you want to be or change, for example: I am a strong capable mother, and i am doing a good job, learning every day. Doing this daily can really help you to believe in the statements you choose.

Taking time to yourself will help. Exercising, night classes, or even just a hot bath and a little nap can help to lift your mood.
Making sure you eat well, even if you don't feel like it will keep your energy up and your blood sugar levels.

~ Summary~

Many, many women have suffered with PND, it is becoming more common and more treatable, but the only way it can be treated is if you talk about it, ask for help. There is no shame in it and I cannot stress enough the importance of making that first step, especially if you are feeling suicidal. Don't be too hard on yourself, take comfort in knowing you are not alone and that one day your PND will be a bad memory and one that you overcame.

~ My Story ~

I suffered from Post Natal Depression with my first. I was 19 when I fell pregnant, to her father whom I had only been with 7 weeks. It was a mistake of course, I had been on antibiotics from my dentist, whom neglected to tell me that it could knock out the pill. Termination wasn't an option for me, but my old childhood and background had made me terrified of becoming a mother and the fact I was going to be one, didn't sit lightly with me.

My now husband, was thirty at the time and more than ready to have a baby, so effectively, I really had my first for him. That's not how it is now of course, just how it was at the time. I didn't bond with her in pregnancy.

There were a few factors as to why I think I got post natal depression. The situation surrounding her pregnancy, the fear of being a mum, the fear more specifically of having a daughter, I prayed for a boy, the young selfish head on my shoulders at the time, and the pressure I later put myself under to try to be the perfect mum.

When my daughter was born, I didn't feel that instant rush of love. My first thought was, she is a girl, oh no. Sounds very bad, I know, but I had a real fear of having a girl, because of some things that happened in my past. My second thought was that she didn't look at all like I expected her to. I thought she would be dark, like me and her day, but she was fair and red headed, like my mother and brother. I was quite traumatised after the birth too.

When I came home, it wasn't long before my selfishness kicked in and I hated not being able to do things on a whim any more, hated the lack of sleep....and hated how my husband and her bonded so very quickly. I felt like the outsider. Around 2 months of age, my daughter became miserable, crying all the time, refusing to feed, refusing to sleep. It was a month of hell and I did every checklist I could find...was she hungry? healthy? tired? not tired? dry nappy? and so on. I took her to doctors that said she had colic, but no remedies would work. In the end I began to think she was just a 'bad' baby, after all I was doing everything right wasn't I?

At 4 months of age, she was finally diagnosed with Silent Reflux, after I read about it in a book and insisted she was checked out. She was put on a thicker milk with infant gaviscon, and turned into a lovely content baby, almost over night. That's when the PND really kicked in. I had failed her. She had been so unhappy because she was in pain, not because she was a horrible baby. And I had been so cold towards her. I hated myself.

After that I built up even more walls between us, too scared I was a bad mother and couldn't do anything right. No one knew I felt like that however, I was too proud to let anyone know, and too scared my daughter would be taken away, like I was from my mother. I never hurt her, in any way, in fact I deeply loved her by this point, I just didn't know how to overcome the guilt of not knowing she had been in pain, and how to have confidence in myself as her mother.

About a year passed, and things began to get a lot better. I don't know why. I never went to see a doctor about PND at all during the course of it, so all I can say is that for me, time made things better. I began to enjoy my daughter more and more. I had another baby, with no PND this time and made me a more confident mother. Now I adore my eldest. We still clash, but only as two similar people do! She has my temper, my stubbornness...but she is also one of the lights in my life.

~ My PND Montage ~

Using the net, I found lots of ladies felt scared to ask for help with PND. I regretted not asking for it, later on down the line. I wanted to try to encourage ladies to make that brave step, so I made a montage of my PND story. It has just been used at a meeting of over 300 midwives and health visitors. If you would like to view it, you can find it at:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=liSGQAusbV4

Summary: See in review. There is a video i made about pnd at the bottom.