My story of Post natal depression (Post-Natal Depression)

Member Name: jenjade

Product:	Post-Natal Depression
Date:	01/02/09 (148 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Make me wake up in the end and make changes

Disadvantages: Make me feel rubbish and hate my baby for a long time

This is my story of how I coped and did not cope with postnatal depression. I was not diagnosed or admit it to myself at the time!

When I fell pregnant, I was 21 and working full time nights. (38 hours a week) I left to have my baby and returned to work on nights when my baby was 3 months old. I was with my partner at the time and he worked in the day so he had my daughter at night and I had my daughter and his teenaged son during the day. Looking back, I suffered with postnatal depression and hid it from everyone but for me going back to work was a lifesaver. I escaped the baby that was making me feel so terrible when I was with her. During the day when I was home with my baby things we, not good I was not getting enough sleep my relationship was falling apart and the baby seemed to spend all day crying or feeding off me.

I remember clearly waking up one night and the weekend with my daughter crying and staying to my partner. Why is she so ugly in the night? Does she do anything but cry? Please can we give her up she needs to be loved we should put her up for adoption and let someone that wants a baby have her. This was one of my lowest points and now I feel terrible even writting it. She is such a lovely child but my mind was in a mess. It brings a tear to my eye just thinking about the way i felt about her.

Looking back now in a good light my baby was very good and actually only cried when she needed feeding! Work was the great escape I left the house at 9.30 pm this made me happy to get out and have my old life for a bit. There was normal conversation that did not evolve around babies and I loved it. When my daughter reached 9 months and started to crawl and drop her naps things got worse for me at home. I arrived home at 6.30 and went to sleep until 8.30 then up to sort the baby and make sure the teenage son got off to work. Then I HAD to stay awake until 4 pm when my other half came home. I could then sleep from 4 pm until 8pm then get ready for work. These short naps were not going me any good and I was shatter. 6 hours sleep a day in two lots was awful. One day I fell asleep on the sofa and woke up with a start to find my 10-month-old daughter climbing a flight of stairs this was the final point for me. There was an odd shock as the little bundle that I felt had been making my life hell was there in danger and an over whelming feeling of love came over me. That was it I had reached the end of the road. That night I phoned my manager in tears and told him I felt very ill and I wanted the week off work. That night I had a full 12 hours sleep the following day I spent the day playing with my daughter and I fell in love with her she was so lovely I loved her smile the way she crawled. We played hide, seek, and laughed together.

I went to the doctor and told him how I felt he said I was very run down and signed my off work for 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks, I spoke to my other half about everything. He did not seem very interested and said it would all be ok not to worry apparently I just needed a good sleep. That was not the case I needed to leave and have a life for me and my daughter rather then existing with him. The love was gone and so was I so I went into work and handed in my notice there was no way I could work full time nights and bring up a baby!

I went to the local housing association and was placed in a hostel until a place became available for me and my daughter this was tough but compared to what I had been doing it was nothing.

My daughter will be 7 years old next week and the bond between us in very strong I will always remember the feelings I had when she was a baby and I will remember the best day of my life forever not the day she was born but the day I phoned in sick and spent enough time with my daughter to fall in love with her. Some of the problems I had were due to my partner and others were due to my lack of knowledge when I became a mum at 21 no one told me I could have more that 3 months off I had no idea I could have asked for a different job, different hours or even a part time post. In my mind, my baby had me trapped in a relationship and trapped in a job when it was not the case. Having the time and strength to make the move and do something was very hard but after I had done it, I knew it was for the best. Although even now I miss the night job I had and loved so much and the £500 a week wage that went with it. But my daughter will only be one, two, three, four, five or six once! When she has grown up and flown the nest, I can have my live back!

You Don't have to be labelled with post natal depression to suffer but be strong get help and make changes. Take one day at a time and let people help you. You can do it!

Summary: Don't let it get you down fight it now!