It's called labour for a reason! (Preparing for Birth)

Member Name: mrsgladwin

Product:	Preparing for Birth
Date:	22/06/09 (119 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: The end result

Disadvantages: The pain and exhaustion

I couldn't decide under which topic title to write this (I was overdue, went with the NHS and had an emergency c-section, that's three possible topics already!) so I thought I'd write it here. Hopefully my experience will help those preparing to give birth, as I know I was keen to hear of any birth stories when I was expecting.

Be prepared for a long read, I apologise in advance!

So let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start!)

~ Can you see a line? ~

So let's go back to June 2008. We had just moved house and were well into planning our December wedding when I started to feel unwell. I didn't think anything of it and dismissed it as either a bug or something stress related (I thought wedding planning was supposed to be fun!) However after having a couple of days off work feeling unusually lethargic and vomiting for England, I returned to work, not particularly feeling any better but couldn't really afford to take too much time off work. My boss asked was I feeling any better and I admitted I wasn't, still feeling nauseous and extremely tired. She looked at me and said "oo you're not pregnant are you?" I laughed, and said "oh I hope not, I'm getting married in 7 months!"

It was all very amusing until I did a quick mental calculation of dates. Amusement quickly turned into panic. Was it really 6 weeks since my last period? Oh pants. So lunch time came around and I talked to a colleague I'm particularly close to and told her of my predicament. She sneakily bought a pregnancy test on my behalf (working in a pharmacy has its advantages and disadvantages; I didn't want to be the subject of staff room gossip!) and I dragged her back to my house (only 5 minutes away) while I did the test. Who knew pee-ing on a stick could conjure up so many emotions?! And as you can probably tell, that little line appeared. Only very faint though so I took another test just to make sure. Yep. Definitely pregnant.

Now what? A thousand questions ran through my mind. I'd always known I wanted to be a mum, but the timing certainly wasn't great. I was due to get married in seven months (in Austria I should also add). Would I be able to get insurance? Could we afford a baby? What my fiancé say? Cut a long story short: yes I could get insurance, the wedding could go ahead (although my beautiful wedding dress would have to go), my fiancé was thrilled and we would "just have to manage" financially. I could finally begin to be excited about the prospect of a new addition to our family.

~ Antenatal appointments ~

I attended all the regular routine antenatal appointments, check ups and scans. I made a doctors appointment and told him I'd done a pregnancy test and it had shown up positive and so an appointment was made. I was expecting him to do a check himself, but no, they just took my word for it. What if I was wrong? What if the four (yes, I didn't stop at two, a girl needs to be sure on these things!) pregnancy tests I took were wrong? He just congratulated and told me an appointment would be made for me to see my midwife in a couple of weeks time.

My midwife appointment was also not what I expected. The midwife was a big burly woman with a sickly sweet, insincere sounding voice. She talked me through all the questions, last period, will the father be involved, etc etc. The problem was I found her incredibly patronising. I may have been young in some people's eyes (I was approaching my 23rd birthday) but I'm reasonably intelligent, I have a lot of experience with children and babies (I completed a three year child nursing degree) and I was due to be married the following winter. I didn't expect to be talked to like a 14 year old who'd been knocked up by a stranger on a park bench.

It got worse. When deciding what consultant I should be under she um-ed and ah-ed between two and then looked at me and said "We'll put you with 'X' as 'Y' doesn't like fat women". I was speechless! Ok, as a size 16 I'm not going to rival Kate Moss in the skinny stakes but this came from a woman who looked perfectly capable of eating me whole! She was double my size! Despite this, what a thing to say to a newly pregnant emotionally charged woman! This set the tone for all my midwife appointments. She was constantly rude, patronising and disorganised and I regularly came home from my appointments upset.

My pregnancy progressed scarily quickly, my scans showed that everything was fine and that our little addition was going to be a boy. Fast forward to four weeks before my due date, March 10th. I started to have antenatal appointments every week as is the norm at that stage. Imagine my delight when with three weeks to go, I walked in to find a completely new midwife I had never seen before! Hurrah! She was everything I felt a midwife should be; motherly, reassuring and an all round lovely lady. She told me that our baby's head had dropped and it was a case of any day now. I was beyond excited. I got home, phoned my hubby (we were married by that point) and my mum and told them what she's said.

Two weeks later, nothing. Nada. My due date came and went. Still nothing. I was beginning to become disheartened. Why didn't he want to come out? I had an antenatal appointment a day after my due date. I walked in and to my dismay, there she was. The burly beast. Great. She did all the routine examinations, blood pressure, urine check, baby's heartbeat, and everything was normal. I then, in a moment of stupidity, decided to ask her a question. "Is there any indication of how long it's going to be now?" She looked at me pityingly. "No dear, because then we'd be clairvoyants not midwives". Right. Thanks for that.

The delightful woman also led my antenatal classes. My husband suggested more than once that she was in the job because she was sadist and enjoyed women's pain and discomfort, not for the joy of bringing life into the world. She gleefully told us in graphic detail how difficult labour could be and seemed to revel in talks of cuts, tears and episiotomies. We were all sat there looking around at each other, traumatised and horrified. I went home and cried. I wasn't going to be able to do it. My poor husband tried to comfort me, "of course you can, people wouldn't have lots of children if it was that bad". Pah. What did he know?"

~ Overdue, fat and miserable ~

After the delightful "clairvoyant" comment, the midwife from hell asked whether I would like a "sweep" in the next couple of days. A what? I'd never heard of one. She looked at me like I was a moron and said "a membrane sweep that might help to stimulate labour". Um. Ok. I really had no idea what I was agreeing to but anything that would bring me closer to my little one sounded ok to me.

That is, until I googled it.

"While internally examining you, she will simply "sweep" a finger around your cervix. The aim is to separate the membranes around your baby from your cervix. This releases hormones called prostaglandins, which may kick-start your labour. A membrane sweep increases the likelihood that labour will start within 48 hours. A membrane sweep can be uncomfortable as the cervix is often difficult to reach before labour begins. Some women find the procedure painful so you may want to try out your breathing techniques to help your relax while it's being done. There may also be some slight "spotting" of blood and irregular contractions immediately afterwards"
(Taken from babycentre.co.uk)

She wants to do what?! The only words that registered were "uncomfortable", "painful" and "spotting of blood". The thought of this sadistic burly beast internally examining me at all made me want to hide in the corner and cry. I prayed that I would go into labour before then. Of course I didn't. However much to my complete joy and relief, the beast was on holiday that day and a different midwife carried out the procedure.

I have to be honest. It was painful but it didn't last too long. She allowed me to maintain my dignity and made the situation as stress free as was possible under the circumstances. She told me that it may work, but it may not, every woman is different, and made me an appointment for the 20th March, ten days after my due date. I was praying I wouldn't need to go, because I'd have given birth by then.

Nope. I got the occasional twinge but that was it. I started researching ways to naturally induce labour, pineapple, curry, raspberry leaf tea, sex...we tried everything. Still no baby. So I dragged my miserable self back to the midwife. The beast was back. She told me she'd try and book me in to be induced. The next available date was on the 25th March, meaning I'd be 15 days overdue by then. Inwardly groaning, I thanked her and went on my merry way.

I read about being induced, some good stories, some completely horrifying ones, so naturally it was the horrifying ones I took notice of. I was absolutely terrified. I'd heard how it made the pains stronger and more intense as it was forcing your body to do something that it wasn't doing naturally. Super. As if I wasn't scared enough.

~ Induction~

So the 25th March soon came round, and of course, still no baby. I was told to arrive at the ward on 8.30am to be assessed. I arrived there on time and was greeted by a grumpy midwife who showed me and the hubby to my bed space and left us there for 30 minutes while I became increasingly terrified. What was it about grumpy midwives in Warrington?

I eventually was assessed at around 9:15am. I was internally examined and told I was 2cm dilated and when put on the contraction monitor they told me I was actually contracting naturally, so they didn't want to induce me as it appeared it would all happen naturally. I thought this was weird as I couldn't feel anything at all. No pains. No twinges. Buy hey, they're the professionals. So me and hubby sat around for 4 hours until the midwife came back to see us. Any progress? We told her there wasn't so she sent us for a walk around the hospital and that we could take as long as we wanted as I'd only need to be assessed in another four hours unless something happened. So we trudged around the hospital grounds, had some food in the café, walked a bit more. Still nothing. I was beginning to get annoyed. What was the point in being there if they weren't going to do anything? I may as well be at home.

8pm came round and still nothing. A different midwife had started her shift and was assigned to me. Finally a nice one! She examined me and told me I was still 2cm dilated. Great. She told me that in the morning she'd arrange to have my waters broke and I'd be put on the drip that was used to stimulate and speed up contractions. She asked if I was comfortable and whether I required pain relief. I didn't but it was nice to finally have someone who was interested. My husband was asked to leave at 9am and I cried when he left, making him feel terrible but the rules are the rules. The nice midwife told me to get some sleep because I had a busy day ahead. Yeah right. Sleep? I think I slept for about 3 hours, I tossed and turned all night.

The next morning I had my breakfast and bang on 9am I was told I was being taken up to delivery suite to have my waters broken and I would stay there until baby arrived. Finally, we were getting somewhere! I firstly had to be examined again. The midwife that was assigned to me up there had a good go, making me cringe with the pain and then popped her head up to inform me she couldn't actually find my cervix. Um, what? It was there yesterday! She then called a doctor and another midwife to help her out. Oh please, invite as many people as you can to have a peak, I left my dignity at home! The doctor (who, incidentally, was lovely) had no problem locating my cervix and informed me it was still refusing to budge from its 2cm. While she was "down there" she broke my waters so she wouldn't have to invade me twice. I was really nervous about having it done, especially as she showed me the metal instrument with a hook at the end. You want to put that up where?! But, true to her word I barely felt anything but the gush as my waters broke. From what I'd seen on TV, I'd always assumed that it would be one big gush and that would be it but the doctor informed me that it could come gradually a bit at a time. A very weird sensation. I felt like I was wetting myself.

The doctor then put a cannula in my hand and set me off on the drip. I was strapped to the contraction monitor which showed any tightening as well as the baby's heartbeat. The contractions started quickly and started to come every two minutes, each one increasing in intensity. The drip kept being upped to keep my contractions coming regularly. During this time the midwife that had been seeing to me left and was replaced by a new one. A completely lovely one which was a nice surprise.

~ Pain and how to manage it ~

My mum had a horrible time when she had Pethidine during her first labour with my sister; she had hallucinations and struggled to bond with my sister when she was born due to feeling "spaced out". Although I was aware that medication affects people in different ways, I wasn't keen on trying it. I'd also heard horror stories about epidurals and I also didn't want one of those either. I had read up on pain relief options whilst I was pregnant and decided to loan out a TENS machine from Mothercare for about £30. A TENS machine (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulator) delivers small electrical pulses to the body via electrodes placed on the skin and are thought to affect the way pain signals are sent to the brain, meaning that if pain signals can be blocked then the brain will receive fewer signals from the source of the pain. I thought anything was worth a try.

When the pains started I realised that everyone had been talking about. I can't lie, they hurt. A lot. The only way I can describe it is it feels as though someone is squeezing your womb from the inside. Very hard! You feel them starting and they increase in intensity until they reach their peak, and then they start to decrease. I started using my TENS almost straight away. I don't want to go into too much detail as I have done a separate review on my TENS but what I will say is that while I felt it didn't necessarily ease the pain, it distracted me from it, which made the pain more manageable.

However after a couple of hours I began to struggle to manage the pain and asked if I could have any pain relief. The midwife offered me a shot of morphine in my leg. I cannot recommend it highly enough! It was amazing! I felt the effects really quickly and while the pain didn't disappear completely, it made it feel distanced from it. As morphine also is known for causing drowsiness I felt myself drifting off to sleep, something that my midwife encouraged to help keep my strength up for later on.

~ Alarm sets in ~

And so it went on for a couple of hours. The contractions continued to come every 1-2 minutes and I was praying that something was happening. After a few hours my midwife seemed to become concerned with the reading from the monitor. It seemed that every time I had a contraction my baby's heartbeat would drop significantly. The fact she was concerned alarmed me. She got a doctor to come in and review the readings and they agreed that he was becoming distressed. The doctor recommended that I was examined again because, according to them, I could be well on my way and not have long to go. I prayed he was right. So yet again I was prodded and poked while I prayed I was at least 8cm dilated. The doctor looked at me and said "2cm". WHAT?!? Still?! I felt myself begin to cry. All that pain, all that effort, for what? Not even one lousy cm. The doctor and the midwife went to the corner of my room to discuss options. They returned and the doctor told me my options. 1) I could continue as I was until the next morning and they would continue to monitor us both. If the baby continued to be appear distressed I would have to have a caesarean. Option 2) I could opt to have a caesarean straight away. I was that exhausted and frustrated I opted for option 2. If I could end up needing a c-section anyway, why put my baby, and myself, through another 12 hours agony.

The doctor agreed with my decision and told me he'd go and arrange the consent forms. I asked the midwife how long I'd have to wait for the operation, her reply was "about ten minutes". That quickly! She had just enough time to prepare me for it, answer any questions, change me into a theatre gown and I was on my way.

~ The op ~

Due to everything happening so quickly I didn't really have time to stress myself out. I was wheeled into theatre and given my consent form to sign while the doctor told me all the complications and what would happen. The atmosphere in there was relaxed and friendly and I could feel myself de-stressing. I was going to see my baby soon!

The anaesthetist told me he was going to use a needle in my back to temporarily paralyse me so I couldn't feel anything from the waist down. It was uncomfortable but I was used to uncomfortable by that point. He ensured it was appropriately numb by applying cold water to my body and told me to mention when I could stop feeling it. This reassured me no end as I was beginning to panic I'd be able to feel everything!
I was told I'd have a catheter put in (nice!) and a small incision would be made and my baby would be out in about 10 minutes.

My husband was given "scrubs" and a theatre hat to wear and sat next to me, telling me how brave I was and how proud he was of me. A sheet was put up so we didn't have to watch the horrors that were going on down there. The lovely theatre assistant told me I wouldn't feel any pain but it may feel like someone's washing the dishes inside me. I couldn't describe the sensation any better! It was bizarre but not uncomfortable or painful in any way. The surgeon told my husband to stand up just as they pulled our son out. He sat back down and looked at me and told me "he's perfect". I instantly burst into tears!

They took my son away while I was being sewn up. It took a minute or so before he began to cry, the longest minute of my life! After what felt like an eternity my little man was finally brought to me, all wrapped up in a little blanket. I was instantly smitten. Pain? What pain? None of it mattered now he was here. There are just no words to explain the rush of love I felt.

I was wheeled into recovery where the midwife showed me how to breastfeed and she dressed him in his little baby grow and sleep suit. It was amazing to see the clothes I'd bought months ago actually being filled by or son! The midwife told me I'd be taken back to the ward I'd started on the day before (oh no!) She advised me that as soon as I felt any sensation returning to my legs, to ask for painkillers as they would take a while to kick in.

~ After care ~

We got back to the ward and as it was now 11pm, it was past visiting time so my hubby had to go home. I was so disappointed, our baby was only an hour old, I wanted him to stay! That first night was difficult, it was hard to hear my baby cry and not be able to reach him as I still had no feeling in my legs. Add that to the fact I was absolutely exhausted!

I gave birth on the Thursday night and stayed in hospital until the Sunday. The aftercare I found was a bit hit and miss. As I mentioned in my breast feeding review I struggled to breastfeed and I felt I was constantly being fobbed off. One of the midwives was really helpful and understanding, the others made me feel like a nuisance.

I was also annoyed with one of the health care assistants. She was offering everyone tea or coffee and as I don't drink either, I asked whether she could please top up my water jug. Her reply was "yes, the taps over there" and pulled the curtain back round me. I had a drip (due to become dehydrated), a catheter, and couldn't get out of bed! I had to wait for my hubby to arrive to do it for me. I found her a bit rude throughout my stay here,

The pain relief side of things was very good. I was given morphine initially and gradually ended up on Paracetamol and Diclofenac which managed my pain quite well. I was given stock of these to take home.

The midwives made sure we were happy in caring for our son, such as bathing him and feeding him, before I was allowed to be discharged. I couldn't wait to get home! My son had his hearing check and was checked over by the paediatrician while I was seen by the physiotherapist and advised what I should and shouldn't be doing.

When I eventually got home I found that I managed easier than I thought. My husband helped a lot with lifting and things and I felt comfortable moving around and walking after a couple of weeks. My scar healed nicely, its barely even noticeable now.

At my 6 week check I was informed that I had the option to opt for an elective c-section for subsequent pregnancies but it was also possible I'd be able to give birth naturally.

~ Summary ~

I found my caesarean experience went really well, the only negative was the length of time it took to recover. It wasn't as scary as I imagined it would be. I was disappointed by some aspects of care, but I do realise in retrospect that the midwives were busy and not always available to be there for me 24/7. I cannot however justify any of the actions of my community midwife. She was just horrible.

It's a lot of hard work being pregnant and giving birth but it's so completely worth it. My little one is three months old now and quite possibly the most loved little boy in the world.

~ Advice for pregnant first timers ~

1) Do your birth plan but be prepared not to have everything go exactly to plan.
2) Keep open minded about pain relief - there's no awards for suffering!
3) Any questions you have, ask them. There's nothing worse than being kept in the dark
4) Accept any support from friends and family after the birth, you'll be glad of the help!
5) Remember that every contraction is one nearer to meeting your baby
6) Go to all the antenatal classes and drag your man along too - I found it great having my husband know exactly what was going on
7) Enjoy it! It can be hard work (that's why it's called labour!) but it really is a beautiful and moving experience

Summary: It's worth it in the end