This is a topic many people are in two camps about.
Insist that you MUST get back into the sack as soon as possible. And it's also likely they've never pushed a head out of their nether regions.
Camp Two (aka my kind of people):
Insist that it's up to the individual to decide when is the right time - if that's two weeks post partum, go for it. Although some people like to wait the 6 weeks - or more.
I've heard varying time scales. Some women wait two weeks, some wait two years. Seeing as I've had quite a few pregnancy scares since having my two year old son it's safe to say I didn't wait two years ;). I won't disclose how long we waited to have sex after having our son, because that's private, but I don't mind talking about the incidentals that I wish I'd known about after having a baby!
This is the period after you've had the baby. It will feel like you're peeing out glass anywhere between a few days to a few weeks. I found that filling a jug with warmish water and then pouring it on my inflamed privates really helped when going for a pee. As for number 2s I would hold a pad against my wound when I went - a bit gross, but it has to be said. I read about these two tips on a birthing forum and they helped me immensely in my recovery.
Sex will either be on the forefront of your priorities or you may want to never do it again. Trust me that 'may never want to do it again' feeling will fade - and if it doesn't, it doesn't make you a freak but you should probably speak to a doctor. After you've had the baby there are lots of scrummy hormones circulating in your blood stream. You'll want to bond with your baby, your husband, your mum and anyone who makes any cheeky comments you'll want to strangle. It's a strange time. Be prepared for all kinds of emotions and reactions you might not otherwise feel.
Including wanting to be very cuddly and loved up with your partner.
I honestly thought I would never have sex again after having a baby - for a start, everything is so swollen! However, if that theory held true then the human race would have died out long before I could write this review.
As it stands there will come a time - whenever you are ready - that you *will* want to have sex. When that time comes it's good to be prepared.
So how should you prepare?
Wash the bed sheets. Make a big deal out of it. Go out for a nice meal and just be together - or have a meal indoors. Oh yes and make sure you're stocked up on contraception and lube ;).
In the year after you have a baby, your womb is a very fertile place - apparently, according to my midwives - so contraception is a must. The contraception you choose depends on your own personal views and what works best in your relationship. I couldn't go on the contraceptive pill because it would have dried up my milk so was put on the mini-pill at my 6 week check-up. There was talk of me getting a coil implant, but I very much shyed away from that after hearing a horror story about it (I am paranoid, in other words.)
Females: you might also be a bit dry because breastfeeding has that effect. Hence why you'll need lube. I know that's not very romantic but I felt it was worth mentioning in case you didn't know.
As for the sex itself - it varies from person to person. If you have a wound you might feel more pain than usual. This goes away. My own body didn't feel 'back to normal' until 6 months after my son was born but I had a brutal wound that tore deeper when I got home. I would suggest if you've torn that you use more lube than usual, too. The less friction on that part of your body, the better.
I have heard that having an orgasm takes longer when breastfeeding - I can't attest to that. There is also the issue of milk squirting out if your partner touches your breasts. This happens. It's totally normal. And if you're really weird about, have a towel ready to soak up any excess milk. It's no big deal. Don't freak and just go with it - I would say 'go with the flow' but you know, that's probably not the best line when talking about breast milk ;).
Apart from that I'll let you do whatever it is you do in the comfort of your own bedrooms - obviously you know how the sex thing works because you have a baby ;) - but I thought I would share a few pointers and a few reassurances.
Also, I just want to end by saying: Do not let your partner pressure you into sex, or anything else. If you're not ready, you're not ready. They'll just have to live with that. If they make you feel like a freak because of it, let them. You are not a freak. Fears are common and your partner should have all the understanding in the world.
One of my own biggest fears was getting pregnant again, so quickly, and having to go through all the pain and discomfort again, while it was fresh in my memory. I discussed this fear with my husband and he said that when you had sex, that was just a risk you might have to take and you couldn't 100% control it. You could only do your best to control it, but that you can't control everything. I think it's important to have a line of open communication with your partner because any fears can be openly discussed and shared.
If you want to have sex by week one, go for it. No one should be stigmatized on when is the right time for them, like I said it varies for everyone and everyone has different sex drives and relationships. Some people also heal remarkably well or don't tear at all - and some people just really, really want to have sex ;). It's not for anyone to say 'oh this is the right time for you.' Most people do wait until the 6 week check-up but there is no real time scale - it's whenever you're ready.
Having sex after having a baby is totally down to the individual, the state of the birth, being natural or with intervention and the emotional welfare of the mother and of course father.
I was incredibly highly sexed during the whole pregnancy with my daughter and then I gave birth which happened to be an incredibly traumatic experience. I suffered a 24 hour labour with many mishaps and huge intervention including an episiotomy, with fourth degree stitches therefore the thought of having sex as soon as coming out of hospital was not high on my agenda.
I was in pain, emotionally and physically drained and all I wanted was my own bed with sleep and lots of it to. A great comforter at the time was a cup of tea snd the television, even looking after my baby was a massive undertaking so sex was most certainly not on the agenda.
However within 2 months things changed dramatically and perhaps even sooner than that as within 6 weeks I was eager and more than ever wanting sex and this was both a physical and emotional need. I yearned it and my husband thought I was mad, not that he was complaining but something clicked within me and the sex actually brought myself and my husband closer again and helped me incredibly to heal emotionally.
I think the first time you have sex after giving birth is an incredibly frightening event especially if you have been cut or torn, however once you get the initial penetration over with you begin to relax and you should relax because nothing can go wrong, you most certainly are not going to split in two or anything drastic so you need to relax and enjoy it.
It helps to bond a couple even more so and albeit having your own child should do this of its own accord it can actually be the most stressful event a couple can go through, so sex is a vital part of remaining close and bonding again after the child has been born, so be brave and if you feel up to it go for it, jsut take it easy and youll enjoy it more than ever.
I have two children and each time after given birth, the sex life was different.
After my first child, i dont know what happened. It may have been the disress of the birth itself. I was in labour of 11 hours and i was torn really badly. I also had to have my waters broke, induced into labour and forceps used, and i was not interested in having sex for at least 6 months. The first time i did though, it was quite uncomfortable and i was so scared incase the stitching became loose. After the first time was over though, it was quite alright.
After my second child though, the labour did not last long and everthing happened naturally. i had such a high sex drive. I was wanting to have sex the day i came out of hospital, but i had to wait due to medical reasons.
I think sex after given birth is based on the mothers emotions after given birth. some woman are stronger than others and i think the most important thing is to have an understanding partner who does not put pressure on you and respects your wishes/feelings.
Sex after giving birth - what a subject !!!!! I can only speak from my experience , but the last thing on my mind after going through the whole experience of having a baby was thinking about having sex. I had a natural delivery, and I split quite badly , so the stitches were quite intense. It was hard during those early months of having our first baby. It is bad enough anyway with the lack of sleep, but to add to that the pressure of a husband with a high sex drive, was tough. I think if I am honest we had sex too soon after my delivery. I can't remember exactly how long after it was , I think about 2 months , but I remember that it hurt alot because I still wasn't properly healed. I did it just to make him happy, not because I wanted it. I remember it took a long time for my sex drive to return, so I had a demanding baby and a demanding husband... ahhhhhhhh!!!
Sex is maybe not the first thing on your mind after giving birth , nor is it going to be for the immediate ensuing hours and days ahead but at some point it will come back onto the menu (so to speak) and for all you new mothers and fathers (and possible parents) out there heres a few tips from wormy for that first post-baby bonk! TAKE YOUR TIME !! After having had a baby come out there in the not too distant past,there is going to be a lot of tenderness so the first time you make love,take it slow and steady. The episiotomy site might not have had the chance to heal over completely and even if your stitches have long since healed,it can take literally months for the soreness in the area to clear up. The slower you take it the better really and if you do get a bit carried away guys and you hear some screaming its likely to be screams of pain not ecstasy!! EXPERIMENTING!!! Even if your a strict missionary person,you must experiment because that position is the worst for creating pressure on the tender area.Try experimenting in a variety of positions which make intercourse as comfortable as possible,you never know you might find some positions that you like and carry on doing it like that long after 'sore mummy' has healed up,besides your gonna have a hell of a lot of fun trying!! Tried and trusted post-baby positions are the woman on top (yee-ha) and side-lying. LUBRICATION Lubrication might not normally be a problem but after a birth this could soon become so -why you might ask!! Well its because the female body is producing different hormones and can dry up the 'vaginal secretions' which in turn makes things quite dry and uncomfortable because of the friction when your making love. If this does happen to you you can get water-soluble lubricants at the Chemist.In severe cases of dryness you can get prescription estrogen creams which should alleviate the problem. EXPECT
SOME CHANGES!! Ladies im sure you know but i will inform you anyway,if its been a vaginal delivery your not gonna be as tight!!In fact your going to be feeling very loose for a while.Over time the vaginal muscles will tone it down a bit but it will never be 'as it was'. If your very worried about this you can help by doing regular kegel exercises. Guys its going to feel different to you too but you will adjust quite quickly so no comments please as you might find yourselves in hot water!! LEAKY BOOBS!! Its not uncommon at all for breasts to start leaking during intercourse even if you have just fed the little one just before you started so dont be alarmed. Certain gentlemen might even help them on their way but i wont go into that! Another problem going back to the missionary position is that weight on top of the breasts can very easily start the breasts 'leaking'. The best way to solve this problem is to feed the baby just before but as ive already said not always,either way at least the baby will be asleep so as not interrupting the big event (unless your loud in which case forget the whole of the last sentence and arrange a grandparent to have him/her!!) PRECAUTIONS If your not aware females nearly always ovulate before their first period after a pregnancy so unless you want baby number 2 on its way very quickly i suggest you take precautions! SUMMARY I hope all my tips have been of help and havnt put you off having a baby for life but theres nothing to get worked up about.Post-baby rendezvous's will get more comfortable as you go along and your sex life will be up and running again before you know it. One last tip and its for the guys,females need your love and support more than ever at this time so if things are different or problems are rising wherever you turn dont throw your rattle out of the pram (sorry i had to throw one baby pun in there) be patient
and loyal and then you can start to enjoy this incredibly rewarding part of your lives. Some useful websites: Mochasofa.com (abdominal exercise advice) NHS Direct.co.uk (general advice) Any severe pain or problems that dont go away dont be afraid to consult your doctor. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Many thanks for reading . . . . .Worm
Having had two experiences of this and reading some of the present reviews, I have been inspired to write my own. Childbirth is a wonderful/trying/awesome/difficult time for all those involved, including the baby and it can do serious damage to your relationship in the months that follow. I hope my tale will help anyone wondering what the aftermath will entail. Whilst I was pregnant, my hubby wasn't particularly keen to 'get it on' as it were; he was totally honest with me and told me that he couldn't stand my figure as it was. Hurtful, perhaps, but at least I knew where I was. After I had my first baby, my figure quickly returned to it's usual proportions and of course, he could hardly restrain himself. Problem. During the birth, I had insisted I didn't want them to cut me in any way, consequently, I tore in places that could've been avoided and was very sore. I only had two stitches, not many, but where they were made things more painfully. At first, it was just, yeah, let's get on with it; I expected to be a bit sore but it soon came to light that it was going to be a problem. The problem lasted two years and in that time. hubby became so fed up he threatened to 'find it elsewhere'. I know it sounds awful but I understood his frustration, just couldn't do anything about it. I knew how he felt but I knew it also hurt his feelings by telling him that every time he tried, he hurt me. We got through it without any major bust-us for one reason only: we talked, a lot. The most important thing to do when you have any breakdown in intimacy is to talk, talk, talk. So long as you can both communicate and explain how you feel, mostly, it will be ok. My hubby hurt my feelings by telling me how he felt about my body whilst I was pregnant. Ok, I dealt with it, honesty really is the best policy. With our second child, we had no problems at all; except she slept in our room for six months. I
don't go in for having the baby in bed; sometimes it's inevitable ut generally....no. Even so, having a baby in the same room as you is bound to affect your sex life and if you have to cope with a baby all day, you're tired. What I'm trying to say is, communication at all times is very important. If you feel like you can't talk to the 'other half', man or woman, then try, because it's the only thing that'll save you.
Well the title may not be completely true but in my case the birth of my daughter was the best and worst turning point in my life and yes ladies you guessed it I'm a fella. Sex in a relationship is i'm sure most people will agree a major factor in being happy and having a healthy relationship but after we had my daughter my partner did not want me near her and that really put a strain on our relationship even though I understood why she did not want to after all it can't be the first thing on your mind after going through something as traumatic as childbirth. I never dared go near her for about six months after my daughter was born because she had a bad birth but when we did try it was a no go and she said that since my daughter had been born not only had she gone off it but had gone off me which was very upsetting and that was the start of the end of our relationship. I am not saying that it will be like this with all relationships and I hope if your are expecting it is not like this for you but any bloke out there who's partner is expecting don't rush it and try to be patient otherwise this really could put a major strain on your relationship. I have been told by female friends who have had children that it took them about 6-8 months before they would even think about it and that it is never the same after childbirth. Being present at the birth did not put me off sex with my partner so if you are worried that seeing the birth will effect your relationship please talk about it and decide what is best who knows my ex-partner would not talk to me about reasons and so on and I never pushed it as I thought that to leave it down to her was best but the subject must be tackled even talked about before the child comes. I still yearned for sex with my partner and in general but it really was a no go and I stuck to that without any disscussion and who knows sex may have played a part in us splitting u
p but talking about sex and it's implications should not be treated as a taboo because it is such a big part of being together and happy. I have had a drink and probably should not be writing this but what the hell if it saves one relationship it will have been worth it.
Why are people so obsessed with sex? After having a baby it really is the last thing on your mind - if only other people would let it be! When I had Joe I had God knows how many stitches and hideous piles. The midwife came each day and it was bums up on the settee for an examination of my nether regions. My tummy was like a mass of porridge and hung pitifully around my knees (OK so not quite round my knees but it felt like that to me). My stretch marks were more like tyre marks and the most lovely shade of purple. My knickers were stuffed with maternity pads and my bra with breast pads. My boobs were enormous, painful and squirting milk everywhere. As for me I was shattered. Sex - huh, that's what got me into this fine mess! My stitches failed to drop out like I had been promised. I had to go for an examination 10 days after the birth and I was still very sore and bleeding. The midwife had a look at the stitches which apparently the skin was growing over. "Leave them another week, if they aren't out we will pull them out" - GREAT! They were pulling tighter and tighter so all the discomfort I had first felt was coming back. Then she asked had we had sex yet? My reaction was "have we hell as like" but instead of muttered "no" feeling quite ashamed of myself. She suggested that we ought to try it. Now I think that she was totally wrong. I felt very unattractive and physically did not feel up to anything much at all. My husband had just gone back to work, leaving me alone all day looking after a newborn baby when I myself needed some care. Thank God I ignored her but other women may feel pressurised by such comments. I did have to have the stitches pulled out and although it was agonising the relief was instant. I felt much better afterwards and just 3 weeks after the birth our sex life resumed. My husband did not pressurise me at all and was worried that it may hurt. It di
dn't at all and with plenty of pelvic floor exercises, I am pleased to say that physically it is as good as ever. Emotionally it is far better as our son has taken our relationship to another level. I heard women say that your husband could never see you in a sexual light again after seeing you give birth and I would just like to say what rubbish that is. My husband's love and respect for me has only been deepened by what he witnessed in the delivery room. Going back to being a physical wreck - it does get better! I now weigh less than I did before I was pregnant and have my figure back. Yes my stomach is not as toned and I do have silvery stretch marks on my hips but there are a simple reminder of my pregnant days. Once again I feel and look sexy and all within 12 months! I hope this helps someone out there. The key is in communication, tell your partner how you feel and don't do anything that you don't feel physically confident about. Thanks for reading!
Believe me thats all you'll manage for the first few weeks, months maybe. Three in the bed is not sexual adventure, it's a desperate attempt at sleep, with a fidgiting little one in the middle, constantly demanding milk. Which either means leaking breasts or trips to the kitchen. However you do reach a point where little one sleep through. You can't all be as unlucky as we have been and not have that on a regular basis until well into the second year. This is when you slip on the sexy nighty, dab the perfume behind your ears, and catch up on all that sex you've been missing..... OK woooh fellas reality check. This is when you catch up on sleep. Sex after a baby changes, not necessarily for the worse. But don't expect fireworks. What is important is to establish a feeling of closeness. She isn't going to have the pre-pregnancy figure. He hasn't been numero uno in her life since junior was born. I'm not saying that sex can't be fun, but it needs to be part of an expression of love for each other that extends outside the bedroom. Good sex is more likely to happen after birth if the couple are still communicating as two people who love each other, not just two worn out parents. There will be times when sex is a consession, so fellas do show appreciation of your woman's generosity, when the probability is that all she wants is to craw under the duvet for a week with out being woken. To return to great sex takes patience, understanding, and a cooperative baby or very understanding friends or relations willing to take baby for a long walk while you catch up on some ..er... "sleep". Believe me, the days of good sex will return. After all the kids do leave home some day.
I was offered the mini pill following the birth of my son. However, my head was all over the place as a new Mum and I wasn't sure what day of the week it was let alone whether or not I had remembered to take a pill at the same time every day! My Doctor recommended a contraception injection to me. This is a simple injection in your bum (sorry!) which covers you 99.9% for 3 months at a time - fantastic!!! The really upside is that most women don't get periods at all. So, now I also save money on the sanitary products and don't get the nasty mood swings either - cool or what??? It is available for anyone - not just after childbirth. I was breastfeeding and it was fine didn't effect my milk at all.
I think sex after childbirth should happen when both the father and mother are ready. Sometimes that takes a few short weeks and sometimes it takes months for one of the partners to be physically and emotionall ready. PERSONAL EXPERIENCE I just had my second child 6 weeks and 3 days ago. My husband is more than ready to resume sex. I would like to wait longer because i don't want to get pregnant again. Birth control or not I'm not taking any chances right now. After the birth of my first child, I was ready to have sex in about 2 weeks. I wasn't as tired that time because I didn't have but one sleeping newborn to deal with everyday. Now I have a beautiful 3-year old and a newborn and I'm tired all the time. MEDICAL ADVICE My ob/gyn told me she recommended waiting until at least 6 weeks after the birth. She says that rushing into it can not only make sex painful, it can also cause emotional problems between you and your partner. She also says if you think you're ready then you probably are. Don't rush into something because thats what someone else wants. DO YOU WANT TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN? If your answer to this question is no just remember that nothing is a sure thing except abstinence. Alot of women and men too want to wait to have sex because of the fear that their partner will get pregnant. The advantage our generation has is the variety and number of contraceptives.Examples of contraceptives that have large number of success rated are permanent sterilization(vasectomy and tubal ligation), condoms when used correctly, the pill, IUD, norplant, and the depo shot. In closing, just remember this: If you feel ready you probably are, if not don't let anyone pressure you into doing sometning your body and/or mind might not be ready for.
I have recently had my 2nd Daughter who is now 9 weeks old and instead of going off sexual intercourse altogether, I actually find I enjoy it more. Maybe it is because of the problems I had during pregnancy and myself and my husband could not do the deed very often. Anyway I am fed up with hearing about "oh my god it took me 6 months to let him anywhere near me again" I started to feel a bit of a nympho when freinds kept telling me this,but I know it was right for me and I feel there must be other women out there who feel like this. I do also feel though that I need more affection from my husband since giving birth, maybe that is because I have felt a little unattractive,I think that i would really as i still do not seem to be shifting any of this excess weight but hey with a two year old and a nine week old to look after, I feel that at the end of the day I deserve a little enjoyment.Maybe if I had a problematic birth then maybe I would not feel this way but luckily I had a very straight forward birth and I feel I am very lucky.
These were the immortal words said to me less than 6 hours after giivng birth to my eldest daughter. There I was lying in a hospital bed after a 29 hour labour, when the lady came round and said she's come to talk to me about contraception. My response? "I've just been in labour for 29 hours, my undercarriage has been ripped to shreds and my fairy now looks like a patchwork quilt - trust me madam, sex is the last thing on my mind right now!" "Well, it's very important that you choose a reliable form of contraception after having had a baby...." "I already have - I'm never having sex again if this is the pain it's going to put me through. I did ask them to carry on stitiching but they wouldn't, would that have been a suitable method?" "Have you thought about the mini-pill if you're breastfeeding?" "For goodness sake, no I haven't. I haven;t thought about ANY form of contraception at all, apart from abstention. Do you think I'm letting him anywhere near me after this???" And so the conversation went on. Convinced that I was never going to let my husband near me again. Oh dear. We were up to naughties again before my 6 week check up, but that doesn't mean to say that everyone will be the same. You might feel like you want to and or might feel that your never going to have sex again. At the end of the day it's up to you. If you feel uncomrtable making love when you're still bleeding (ie: 9 months worth of periods all come in the space of 8 weeks) or you're just too sore to even contrmplate naughties, then it's up to you. Don't feel pressured into it - you won't win a medal for havign sex soon after having a baby. Just go with your own feelings and listen to your body.
Unfortunately I was not one of those women who felt incredibly horny all through pregnancy. In fact, feeling so much heavier and feeling something moving inside me put me off sex more than ever before. I was determined to get back to regular sex after my baby was born. However, after an episotomy and several stitches, the prospect of having to move house when my baby was 7 weeks old, and not losing the excess weight within a couple of weeks as I had naively expected I would (still trying to lose it 6 months on but that's another story), not to mention the fact we were both physically and emotionally exhausted meant that proper sex was not even attempted for about 3 months! My episiotomy took a while to heal and still felt quite tender. In fact the first time we tried sex it was absolute agony and brought tears to my eyes. This was enough to put me off for a few more weeks. I was starting to worry. My episiotomy was not checked at my 6 week check, apparently it's now routine not to unless you ask but I had other things on my mind at that point, like moving house. After our first disastrous attempt at sex I was convinced I had been stitched up wrongly (too tightly) and would have to go to my new GP (who I hadn't exactly hit it off with) and explain all this and possibly end up needing to be re-stitched. I decided to try one more time and if it still hurt I would go to the GP. The next time I tried I enlisted the help of 2 glasses of wine and some lubricating jelly. Although still tense this time couldn't have been more different. I have since heard that the 1st time can be painful but can only assume that you must stretch again. I would now go as far to say that sex is much better than it was before childbirth, I'm wondering if all that stretching of the birth canal must have woken up nerve endings etc that I never knew I had! My husband & I have always been physically close and this didn't stop with the l
ack of sex, a cuddle and a kiss is always good. But if I'm honest the lack of proper sex was beginning to put a strain on us. My reason for writing this is to reassure people who are nervous about recommencing a sexual relationship. I never imagined that sex could be better after having a baby than it was before, and I thought it was pretty good before. I guess I'm lucky that my hubby is pretty understanding, although given that he watched me give birth I would expect nothing less! But to everyone who has had problems down below after childbirth, and I'm still convinced the dr who stitched me thoughtfully put in an extra stitch, don't worry, be patient, take your time and don't be pushed into having it before you feel ready. Finally remember that alcohol and lubrication can really help with that initial first time. Here's to sex, isn't it just brilliant!!
I originally wrote this opinion not long after having my second child, however, I've updated it today because I felt it could take some improving. I've also renamed it, so just skip on by if you think you may have read it before! Juliet. Having a baby doesn't mean you never want sex again, oh no, I'm sure there are millions out there who resume a healthy sex life weeks after giving birth, but thats not for everyone is it? First of all you are likely to be feeling sore. If you have had a tear or episiotomy, these will take time to heal, and even then scar tissue can be very tender for months(long term discomfort should be refered through the G.P for review by a gynaecologist/obstetrician). Then there is the fear of penetration, a very real fear for women, and an understandible one. It is also a fact that many men fear resuming normal sex with their partners having seen them give birth. There can be various reasons for this. Some may feel guilty for the pain and suffering they percieve they have been responsible for inflicting on their partner. Others may simply feel that the sight of seeing perineal trauma just after birth and it's repair has 'turned them off' to a certain extent. Some men simply see their partners as being 'different' now that they have a new role. Unable to see how a mother can also be a sexual person. But it's not always just the man that feels this way. The next big problem is the 'Can I be bothered' factor. When you have been constantly on the go all day, not to mention up several times during the previous night, if not nights and weeks, sheer exhaustion means that the only thing you want to do in bed at night is go into an unrousable coma!! Not until the little darlings are sleeping through the night and you are getting more sleep can you really start to feel like your old self. I'm sure there are those out the
re who feel that their role now is that of a mother, breast feeding(isn't that what boobs are there for?) and nurturing their baby, not being a sexual person. I felt like this for some time with my first, but oddly not with my second. Perhaps because I had adjusted to my huge role change in life. The thing is, you really don't know how you are going to feel, and your feelings could take you by surprise. It's not unusual to feel really horny not long after childbirth, I caught a couple trying to have it away behind the curtains on the postnatal ward I work on once. However, for many, in fact for most, this isn't the case. Partners need to take just a little bit more time to consider the other side of the coin. There is nothing more off-putting than someone trying to jump on you every 5 minutes!! If a little patience is exercised, sex will get going again. You may even find that your the one jumping on your partner every night(then who would be complaining of being tired ha ha...) In the early days following child birth, especially after the birth of your first baby, there are so many major changes you both need to adapt to. You roles do change and so will, to some extent, the way you see each other. The seemingly endless nights of the first 3 months, and often beyond, do eventually come to an end. The hormones that can make a woman feel like a stranger to herself, emotional or emotionally switched off, will settle down. When the big day or night should I say arrives, and your baby is safe and sleeping in their own bed, take this advice. Have a few glasses of wine(but not too many, don't want to be falling asleep) and take your partner along with a well known brand of lubricating jelly off to bed with you, relax and have fun. Oh and by the way, don't forget the old contraception or you could be back to square one before you want to be!. A friend of mine, then a midwife, now a health visitor, was too ashamed to tell
her GP that she was already pregnant again when she went for her 6 week check. We all had a giggle over that one, but it's not really that funny is it. Falling pregnant shortly after having a baby, puts an enormous strain on your body, that may not only be recovering from perineal trauma, or caesarean section wound, but may also be fighting to restore normal haemoglobin to rectify anaemia. Add to this the shear hard work of caring for a small baby, maybe even more children besides, and you start to get the general picture. Family planning is a serious matter. There is research to suggest that early sexual intercourse after childbirth, can place a mother at risk of air embolus. Air presumably finds it's way into the blood stream through the open wound within the womb where the placenta was recently attatched. It's a good idea to waite a couple of weeks. Most feel more comfortable waiting 6 weeks until they are feeling comfortable and have healed properly. You can take the Mini pill straight away, even if you are breast feeding, as it contains Progesterone only, but the combined pill is only suitable to mothers not breast feeding. Other contraception, such as the 'Cap'(diaphragm), can be re-fitted at your 6 week check, as can the coil. Keeping a few condoms in the house is always a good idea. The whole notion of sex after childbirth can frighten some, especially if they have had a really traumatic delivery. If you are really anxious, tell yourself that your first re-encounter with sex won't involve penetration. This way you may feel more relaxed, and it won't be such a big deal. If things develop, they develop! For those that find that one partner has real problems months after giving birth, for what ever reason, and this is beginning to cause relationship problems, seek help. Many G.P's are able to refer you to councellors that are more readily available now(dependent on where you live
). The organisation 'Relate' is also very good, and not just there to be utilised when things become as serious as divorce. Be aware however, that there can be a waiting time in some areas. I hope this opinion will be some help to those that are having any problems. If your thinking that you are different to everyone else, and that others are 'going at it' a few weeks afer birth, think again! Don't be too hard on yourself, give yourselves plenty of time. Finally..... having a baby that decides they will now sleep through the night can definately be an advantage, and thats just pot luck isn't it! Still, try and utilise kind relatives that offer babysitting and overnight stay options, and make the effort to spend a little time together as a couple. Remember, there really was just the two of you once! It's amazing what a night out can do for you. Sticky-uppie? No problem.