NEVER REGIONS, EROTIC READS AND CUDDLES ! (Sex After Giving Birth)

Member Name: chrissypops

Product:	Sex After Giving Birth
Date:	14/10/00 (977 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: if you wait a while it can become better than before

Disadvantages: it you rush it it can distroy what you had!

Ok so you've had a baby, your sore down below in those never regions. Why they called never regions? NEVER AGAIN... will you give birth again, let alone have sex again. But stop, back track slightly. Do you really mean it? Umm well you might feel like it at the moment and who could blame you. But at some stage you will return back to your sexual relations. Its deciding when which can be a bit of a problem and what can make your mind up whether returning back to sex should be sooner or later.

I think communication is a very important key in any relationship. I have been married for 7 years, known my Tim for 11 and we are still trying to master this skill. As he is a Manager he tends to talk to me like a general assistant and giving orders around the house. I don't like being talked down to so I dig my heels in and WHAM ..we have a row. Mind you the two things we row over is money, sex and the children. Oh that's 3 isn't it. OPPS .Money, as we have gone down to one wage which is always difficult. The ever growing bills that come with having children is enough stress and strain on any relationship. Sex, well there's always a mis- match of sex drives, one always seems to have a higher sex drive than the other. Children, well there is always disagreements on who's turn is it to change the nappy, bath, discipline .......and the list goes on. Whatever you disagree about please remember to communicate. Not just talking but listening to each other too. Its no good talking and talking if the other person is not listening. I think its important to talk TO each other NOT DOWN to each other. Which means thinking about what you are going to say. If its criticism on how they do something, get straight to the point but without being nasty. Try and be constructive. I know this is really hard but having a family can either do two things to your relationship, Make it or break it. If there is something in your sexual relationship that you don'
;t like, say but make sure you use what I call the" Sandwich technique" Yes, it works just like a sandwich. You have a positive point as the bread, like " I like it when you ......". Then you have the filling, which could be" I don't like it when.......". And then you finish off with a positive point for the other piece of bread. This works really well when you are sitting calm and talking about sex but if you are having a blazing row over anything and sex gets brought up then you just sling insults here, there and everywhere. Sex is one of the biggest reasons why relationships fall apart. Don't let it. Be patient with each other and you shall reap the rewards later.



When it comes to scary words in a relationship its COMPROMISE . Ahh yes that word scares a lot of people. It means coming off that perch up there and coming down to some sort of arrangement that both people are happy with. With the sexual relationship this can be very hard. Classic example, one partner wants it all the time, the other does not. The answer ..there are loads of ways to express ones physical love, not just penetrative sex. Think of the break you have after giving birth like the beginning of a courtship. You have the going out and getting to know you stage. Lots of talking, interest. making time and effort together. You have the gradual stage of building from touching each other to full sexual intercourse. In fact its this sort of rediscovery that relationship councilors like relate recommend. Believe me, it does work. Building the sexual tension between the both of you can up tempo any relationship at any stage not just after birth.
If you cant remember what foreplay is then its worth investing ( if you haven't already got any) a few sex books. These books( or videos if you prefer), and there are plenty to choose from can be used in a variety of different ways. You can use it as a manual, as visual stimulation or
to rediscover the stuff that turns you on. You can even get some erotic stories which in the time you have alone together can come very handy to read aloud to each other. Ok so you might feel a little silly at first, but it does light those home fires and keep them burning. .A big problem for many couples is finding a time for sex when they aren't too exhausted to enjoy it. Get your diaries out, and book a time when you are both free to make love. Or arrange a night in a hotel – a change of scenery often works wonders. Make the surroundings warm and atmospheric. Soft music, candles, wine can all help to put you in the mood. Above all keep sex lighthearted and fun



How any many women and men have felt pressured to get back to sex as soon as possible. Most, I think. Most pressure comes from partners. I'm not sure why, but my Tim says it has something to do with the primeval urge, to express his love and to show me he still fancies me physically, even though my belly looks like a road map of England and I still look 6 months pregnant!. Now don't get me wrong not all the pressure comes from partners, some come from friends, social expectations, and of course you own pressure to get back to 'normal' after birth. Whatever normal is I have no idea. Some people consider every day to be normal, others once a month is fine. Whatever normal is for you, you shouldn't be in a rush to do anything. If your pressured, you don't relax. If you don't relax, it can be painful. And if its painful you wont enjoy it. And so goes the vicious circle. So take the pressure off, light some candles, take time to cuddle and talk. Its like courting again if you like. You have to make the effort, take time and if you go too far then stop. There's always another day and another time which you can try again.


I think that if you have had a bad, or long labour and birth you are probably less likely to have sex soon afterwa
rds. I'm not saying that if you had a quick labour or good birth that you will be at it the day or week after, but that its a mixture of all these things. Judging on personal experience on the birth of my first and second child. The first was long and hard with a traumatic birth, with stitches, it took considerably longer to return to normal. We tried after 2 weeks and I backed off completely as I knew it was too soon. Luckily Tim understood and we tried again a few weeks later. With the help of good old KY jelly we were back to having sex regularly and comfortably after 4 months.

With the birth of my second child, the birth was quicker, smoother and with no stitches, I felt more comfortable and was able to express physical love sooner. Some women, especially the ones how have tore or had stitches are worried about pain, which in turn causes anxiety. Don't forget you can use KY Jelly or another water based lubricant to help you feel more sexy. Just remember if you are using condoms or Femidoms don't use oil based lubricants like petroleum jelly Vaseline) as it rots the latex.




Time is a big factor, but what's that when you have a new-born ? All the first 6-8 weeks or even months is revolved around this little helpless bundle. Changing, feeding, changing, sleeping, making dinner, baby screaming, feeding, house work .....does it sound familiar? Having time in the early months is really hard to find as by the time you have two minutes peace, you are ready to doze off. Fatigue is one of the major factors why the sex life tends to trail off after birth and I'm not surprised. Parenting is blooming hard work !! Even if you do fancy a bit, you can bet your little bundle of joy will wake up. Although I have found in the early weeks when my daughter was in our bedroom and we did fancy some rumpy pumpy, we'd avoid the bedroom and go somewhere else. I wont bore you will details but don't forget that sex doesn'
;t have to be limited to the bedroom. Go and explore the house .
Time to yourself is equally important too. Try and find at least 5 minutes a day to yourself, even if its locking yourself in the toilet (done that a few times ), having a bath without the kids or go shopping. This gives you space to be yourself as well as a parent/wife/husband etc. You could even take up a hobby when you have settled into a routine. You could try knitting, reading or glass painting. Mine for the last year has been the Internet, whether its here on Dooyoo on parenting chat rooms or emailing friends. Its lovely to have time and space to myself. If you can forget about the housework and just do the basics. People will be looking and fussing over you and the babe to realise the Welsh dresser hasn't been dusted today or not.



Being emotionally ready, you need to ask yourself some important questions. Do you really want sex for the right reasons? I'm I doing this for myself? Do I still love myself the way I am? Do I still love my partner? Pregnancy and birth can change you feelings and emotions. so be prepared. If the answer to any of these are no, then you need to wait. Its no good having sex, just because your best friend had sex two weeks after the birth of her baby or you are only obliging as your partner is getting nasty or pushy with you. If you go back to your sex life you need to do it for yourself!

Some women and some men too feel disappointed in the way the body looks after birth. For women this is a big issue and the hormones that are still raging around in the body are mainly to blame. A hormone called Prolactin which is responsible for lactation (breast milk) suppresses the sex drive. Whether you are breast feeding or not in the early weeks is immaterial as you will still be producing milk for some weeks until your body gets the message on whether you are breast feeding or not. Talking of breast feeding, I found that because I feed bot
h my daughters, I couldn't let my husband touch them in a sexual way. I now looked at them as a tool in feeding my child. If you feel like this don't worry. After all breasts were made for that intention as well as sexual. Sometimes mine were far too sensitive so I just relayed that fact to my husband. Also be prepared for getting squirted in the eyes, or leaking while having sex. As you get aroused, the nipples harden and your breasts will fill up with milk as they are being stimulated. Again its natural, so don't worry. You never know he might enjoy the taste!!

If you do feel let down about the appearance of your body, the best advice I can offer is take note of your emotions and talk about it. As soon as you can take up a basic exercise regime. but you must wait until you have had your 6 weeks check up. This is just to make sure that our body (internally) has gone back to normal. If you have had a cesarean then you will be advised to wait longer due to letting your stitches heal. If you ask your midwife or health visitor they will able to provide you with a basic post natal exercises to bring your body back into shape. You can also join a gym, which in turn will get you out and do something on you own. Exercise is a great way to get fit, get back into shape, you sleep better, have more energy and your sex life does improve in time.

Baby blues or Post natal Depression can effect your sex life. Baby blues usually appear 2-7 days after birth, generally caused by tiredness, emotional lows and hormones. You may experience tiredness, weepiness and insomnia. These feelings usually pass within a few months but will effect your sex life( if you are mad enough to consider it that soon!)
Post natal Depression effects a lot of women and most don't seek help. P. N. D can develop anytime up to a year after birth and comes and goes in variying degrees. Symptoms include, loss of libido, emotional stress, crying, anger and even thought
s of hurting yourself or others. I must stress if you feel like this talk to your mum, partner, Gp, or Health visitor. No one will judge you and all the people who love and care for you will support you through it.

Look out for these signs in the male parnters too. Some men feel very left out as their partner is aborbed in child care. Get your hubby to help as much as possible with bathing, changing and bonding with the baby. Remember to make time for the both of you, even if its just having a cuppa on your own. We also try and get out once a month on our own but its not easy because we dont live near family so I ask on of my friends to baby sit for a few hours.. You dont need to go out and party, you can go for a meal, cinema, walking in the local park or find a common interest you could both do togther.



The post natal check-up at 6wks is very important. Medical opinion agrees you should wait until after your check-up for several reasons. To make sure you are feeling OK emotionally. You are finished bleeding after birth and are no complications. You have thought about contraception as you are at your most fertile after the birth of a baby. If you think about having sex before your check-up you should at least of finished bleeding. Apparently there was a few cases of women dying of 'Air Embolism', which was caused by having sex while still bleeding after having a child. Air is pushed though the open wound of the uterus and travels up to the brain ..scary eh ? But very very rare.


There is so many contraceptives to choose from and no excuses, unless you really want your babies really close.
Condoms (only use water based lubricants like KY Jelly)

Mini pill( can take whilst breast feeding but needs to be taken at the same time, every day)

Combined pill (Cant be taken whilst breast feeding as it effects your milk supply)

Coil or Inter uterine device (I U D)

Cap (Covers the
cervix so proventing sperm geting through but needs to be used with a spermicide)

Hormone Injection ( given 6 monthly)

Above all you should return to your sex life when you are ready, when ever that is. You shouldn't be pressured into it, or feel you are doing a great injustice if you want to wait. If you want to return to a for-filling sex life with your partner then it will take time patience and a lot of love. I know that even though we have had our ups and down, our sex life might not be as frequent as we both would like but the basics are there and thats quality. After all I enjoy nothing better than a big, kiss and cuddle to end the day.

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