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Honest and upfront: Sex after baby.
Sex After Giving Birth
Member Name: Mama-Q
Sex After Giving Birth
Advantages: Do I need to spell those out?
Disadvantages: read my review
This is a topic many people are in two camps about.
Insist that you MUST get back into the sack as soon as possible. And it's also likely they've never pushed a head out of their nether regions.
Camp Two (aka my kind of people):
Insist that it's up to the individual to decide when is the right time - if that's two weeks post partum, go for it. Although some people like to wait the 6 weeks - or more.
I've heard varying time scales. Some women wait two weeks, some wait two years. Seeing as I've had quite a few pregnancy scares since having my two year old son it's safe to say I didn't wait two years ;). I won't disclose how long we waited to have sex after having our son, because that's private, but I don't mind talking about the incidentals that I wish I'd known about after having a baby!
This is the period after you've had the baby. It will feel like you're peeing out glass anywhere between a few days to a few weeks. I found that filling a jug with warmish water and then pouring it on my inflamed privates really helped when going for a pee. As for number 2s I would hold a pad against my wound when I went - a bit gross, but it has to be said. I read about these two tips on a birthing forum and they helped me immensely in my recovery.
Sex will either be on the forefront of your priorities or you may want to never do it again. Trust me that 'may never want to do it again' feeling will fade - and if it doesn't, it doesn't make you a freak but you should probably speak to a doctor. After you've had the baby there are lots of scrummy hormones circulating in your blood stream. You'll want to bond with your baby, your husband, your mum and anyone who makes any cheeky comments you'll want to strangle. It's a strange time. Be prepared for all kinds of emotions and reactions you might not otherwise feel.
Including wanting to be very cuddly and loved up with your partner.
I honestly thought I would never have sex again after having a baby - for a start, everything is so swollen! However, if that theory held true then the human race would have died out long before I could write this review.
As it stands there will come a time - whenever you are ready - that you *will* want to have sex. When that time comes it's good to be prepared.
So how should you prepare?
Wash the bed sheets. Make a big deal out of it. Go out for a nice meal and just be together - or have a meal indoors. Oh yes and make sure you're stocked up on contraception and lube ;).
In the year after you have a baby, your womb is a very fertile place - apparently, according to my midwives - so contraception is a must. The contraception you choose depends on your own personal views and what works best in your relationship. I couldn't go on the contraceptive pill because it would have dried up my milk so was put on the mini-pill at my 6 week check-up. There was talk of me getting a coil implant, but I very much shyed away from that after hearing a horror story about it (I am paranoid, in other words.)
Females: you might also be a bit dry because breastfeeding has that effect. Hence why you'll need lube. I know that's not very romantic but I felt it was worth mentioning in case you didn't know.
As for the sex itself - it varies from person to person. If you have a wound you might feel more pain than usual. This goes away. My own body didn't feel 'back to normal' until 6 months after my son was born but I had a brutal wound that tore deeper when I got home. I would suggest if you've torn that you use more lube than usual, too. The less friction on that part of your body, the better.
I have heard that having an orgasm takes longer when breastfeeding - I can't attest to that. There is also the issue of milk squirting out if your partner touches your breasts. This happens. It's totally normal. And if you're really weird about, have a towel ready to soak up any excess milk. It's no big deal. Don't freak and just go with it - I would say 'go with the flow' but you know, that's probably not the best line when talking about breast milk ;).
Apart from that I'll let you do whatever it is you do in the comfort of your own bedrooms - obviously you know how the sex thing works because you have a baby ;) - but I thought I would share a few pointers and a few reassurances.
Also, I just want to end by saying: Do not let your partner pressure you into sex, or anything else. If you're not ready, you're not ready. They'll just have to live with that. If they make you feel like a freak because of it, let them. You are not a freak. Fears are common and your partner should have all the understanding in the world.
One of my own biggest fears was getting pregnant again, so quickly, and having to go through all the pain and discomfort again, while it was fresh in my memory. I discussed this fear with my husband and he said that when you had sex, that was just a risk you might have to take and you couldn't 100% control it. You could only do your best to control it, but that you can't control everything. I think it's important to have a line of open communication with your partner because any fears can be openly discussed and shared.
If you want to have sex by week one, go for it. No one should be stigmatized on when is the right time for them, like I said it varies for everyone and everyone has different sex drives and relationships. Some people also heal remarkably well or don't tear at all - and some people just really, really want to have sex ;). It's not for anyone to say 'oh this is the right time for you.' Most people do wait until the 6 week check-up but there is no real time scale - it's whenever you're ready.