REWRITE (containing the word SEX) Woah there, cowboy. (Sex After Giving Birth)

Member Name: peel.rebekah

Product:	Sex After Giving Birth
Date:	30/01/01 (329 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Well, having sex, of course.

Disadvantages: Being pressurised before you are ready.

During my pregnancy (from about 2 - 7 months) I was an insatiable bunny rabbit beastie in the bed department (this was when the frequent urges to rush to the toilet (vomitus or peepee, depending) were at their lowest ebb, and I wasn't yet a fully ballooned whale of a creature who often got beached at the side of the bath). And it was good.

Husband (then boyfriend) was, needless to say, impressed - He wasn't so keen at first due to this misguided idea that a man's willy can be long enough (SIGH) to really harm the baby - If anything, babs was a lot happier and settled in mum's tum after a good , err, time, giving up the football practice and falling asleep with the ensuing hormone rush.
Myself, I found that sex was that bit more pleasurable because it actually had a meaning (not just a laughable, squelchy, sweaty experience - not that I laugh or squelch or sweat during sex, mind you).

The inevitable 'outing' of babs raised the idea of what sex would be like after: Would I lose my sex drive? Would my partner lose his? Would babs keep us awake till the early hours, therefore neither one of us wanting to partake in the act of love making?

I read all the blurb about not letting your partner down THAT end of the bed during childbirth: As men are sensitive creatures, they may be a little overwhelmed by the gore of the situation, and find it hard to view their partner in a sexual light afterwards. OR the psychological change in perception: Once a lover, now a mother. Out of duty, I made my partner read this information, and it was with an informed mind that he chose to be the first to view our little bundle of delight be forcepped forth into this big and scary world.

Actually, my husband being THAT end, and his non stop hilarious commentary (and likening the experience to the gutting of a deer after the hunt (Oh, PLEASE)) amused the midwives and myself no end, making the birth of my son an enjoyable experien
ce, past the obvious elation of becoming a mother for the first time (I was on the drugs at this point, so the pain wasn?t really that much of an issue). Did this experience dampen his bedroom ardor? Did it hell.

No sooner was I out of hospital (all of 22 hours) and back in the (pre) marital bed, then his ardor reared its head once again.

Now the doctors, the midwifes, the health workers et al are keen to remind you that you should refrain from intercourse (for a while, at least) after giving birth, so I had a certain amount of authority behind me when I told him "No", and yet this was still hard to do (even though I had had a forceps delivery and serious stitches). You see, my husband IS a sensitive man, and he was oh so amorous BECAUSE I'd just become the mother of his child - this, he told me, was the sexiest thing I could have ever possibly done. He wanted to share the love he felt for me and the new baby in the one way he knew how; hugs and kisses were not enough for the passion he now felt.

It was a difficult time for both of us: I had very little in the way of sexual urges, I wanted desperately to be left alone to recover in that department. He had an extremely over active libido, and he wanted, just as desperately to share it with me.

I kept to my guns, I insisted on having the baby in the bed with us (I believe in doing this anyway, the sex issue aside), and I talked him round to my way of thinking. (Having the baby in the bed was a positive experience for him, as well, as this new found love then found an outlet: my partner would lay for hours, holding the sleeping baby tenderly, just looking at him and cooing in that predictable new parent sort of way.) We talked about the situation till it was blue in the face (the situation, that is) and my partner was reasonable enough about the issue, just a little hurt that he couldn't share what he felt with me - Communication at this time is just so important
: Everything in your life is turned upside down, emotions are raw and misunderstandings can happen too quickly; talk with your partner, be as open as you can and you might find that your sex life will be even better than it was before with your new understandings of each other.

My husband backed off, realising that I was tender in more ways than one: Women's bodies AND minds suffer during and after childbirth; I was continuously either bursting into a blubberation of tears or performing like the queen bitch hell cat who needed to sharpen her claws. Meanwhile, I was still in considerable discomfort in the down below department, and found myself fainting at the drop of a hat. I obviously wasn't READY to start that sort of relationship yet.

And that is the most important point I can possibly make in this opinion: Your body and mind can't possibly be ready for sexual shenanigans so soon after giving birth; you WILL know when it is the right time to partake in pleasures of the flesh again, and nobody, never mind how emotionally they try and blackmail you into it, has the right to demand of you what you're not yet ready to give.

I have heard stories from plenty of women who place their love entirely in their newborns - the father no longer has a look in on their affections. For me, a sexual relationship is too important to the rest of the relationship to be put aside like this, and, at the same time, too important to damage by having sex too soon after childbirth - I didn't want to be put off for life just because I was being pressurised at this point. And what of the stories of fathers becoming jealous of the attention their offspring are getting? I was lucky enough to not have experienced this sort of reaction when I spurned my partner's advances; he was just as enamored with the new little life as I was, and he understood that my main ambition was to be a good mother first, before reverting to the good lover he had kn
own before (blow your own trumpet, why don't you?).

When it did begin again, it began with tenderness (ahhhh), gentle hands and loving touches: It began when Victor was soundly asleep in his own bed and a bottle of massage oil was at hand. Victor has never slept particularly well, so we soon found ourselves 'working' around him in hushed voices, but that is half the fun of being a parent, no? It began when I felt it should begin; I had fully recovered, was mentally (oh, and physically) on top - and the choice was mine.

Well, we have recently begun on mission second born; we decided to plan THIS baby, and what jolly fun the planning is! Strangely enough, I think this is the best sex we've ever had, as we have a goal to achieve; knowing full well the love and pure affection that was born with Victor, we are even more excited at the prospects of number two, and that fuels both of our passions.

Conclusion? Discuss, be understanding, give it time and don't put your partner under pressure - all the obvious things - and also, be loving and sweet; this is the mother/father of your child, treat them with the respect and adoration they deserve. Oh, and as if I need to tell you - ENJOY :o)

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