Ready For Rumpy Pumpy? (Sex After Giving Birth)

Member Name: jusophine

Product:	Sex After Giving Birth
Date:	02/02/01 (409 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Take your time and don't be pressured.

Disadvantages: Don't Doo It too soon!

I originally wrote this opinion not long after having my second child, however, I've updated it today because I felt it could take some improving. I've also renamed it, so just skip on by if you think you may have read it before!

Juliet.



Having a baby doesn't mean you never want sex again, oh no, I'm sure there are millions out there who resume a healthy sex life weeks after giving birth, but thats not for everyone is it?

First of all you are likely to be feeling sore. If you have had a tear or episiotomy, these will take time to heal, and even then scar tissue can be very tender for months(long term discomfort should be refered through the G.P for review by a gynaecologist/obstetrician). Then there is the fear of penetration, a very real fear for women, and an understandible one.

It is also a fact that many men fear resuming normal sex with their partners having seen them give birth. There can be various reasons for this. Some may feel guilty for the pain and suffering they percieve they have been responsible for inflicting on their partner. Others may simply feel that the sight of seeing perineal trauma just after birth and it's repair has 'turned them off' to a certain extent.

Some men simply see their partners as being 'different' now that they have a new role. Unable to see how a mother can also be a sexual person. But it's not always just the man that feels this way.

The next big problem is the 'Can I be bothered' factor. When you have been constantly on the go all day, not to mention up several times during the previous night, if not nights and weeks, sheer exhaustion means that the only thing you want to do in bed at night is go into an unrousable coma!!
Not until the little darlings are sleeping through the night and you are getting more sleep can you really start to feel like your old self.

I'm sure there are those out the
re who feel that their role now is that of a mother, breast feeding(isn't that what boobs are there for?) and nurturing their baby, not being a sexual person. I felt like this for some time with my first, but oddly not with my second. Perhaps because I had adjusted to my huge role change in life. The thing is, you really don't know how you are going to feel, and your feelings could take you by surprise. It's not unusual to feel really horny not long after childbirth, I caught a couple trying to have it away behind the curtains on the postnatal ward I work on once. However, for many, in fact for most, this isn't the case.

Partners need to take just a little bit more time to consider the other side of the coin. There is nothing more off-putting than someone trying to jump on you every 5 minutes!! If a little patience is exercised, sex will get going again. You may even find that your the one jumping on your partner every night(then who would be complaining of being tired ha ha...)

In the early days following child birth, especially after the birth of your first baby, there are so many major changes you both need to adapt to. You roles do change and so will, to some extent, the way you see each other. The seemingly endless nights of the first 3 months, and often beyond, do eventually come to an end. The hormones that can make a woman feel like a stranger to herself, emotional or emotionally switched off, will settle down.

When the big day or night should I say arrives, and your baby is safe and sleeping in their own bed, take this advice. Have a few glasses of wine(but not too many, don't want to be falling asleep) and take your partner along with a well known brand of lubricating jelly off to bed with you, relax and have fun. Oh and by the way, don't forget the old contraception or you could be back to square one before you want to be!. A friend of mine, then a midwife, now a health visitor, was too ashamed to tell
her GP that she was already pregnant again when she went for her 6 week check. We all had a giggle over that one, but it's not really that funny is it.

Falling pregnant shortly after having a baby, puts an enormous strain on your body, that may not only be recovering from perineal trauma, or caesarean section wound, but may also be fighting to restore normal haemoglobin to rectify anaemia. Add to this the shear hard work of caring for a small baby, maybe even more children besides, and you start to get the general picture. Family planning is a serious matter.

There is research to suggest that early sexual intercourse after childbirth, can place a mother at risk of air embolus. Air presumably finds it's way into the blood stream through the open wound within the womb where the placenta was recently attatched. It's a good idea to waite a couple of weeks. Most feel more comfortable waiting 6 weeks until they are feeling comfortable and have healed properly.

You can take the Mini pill straight away, even if you are breast feeding, as it contains Progesterone only, but the combined pill is only suitable to mothers not breast feeding. Other contraception, such as the 'Cap'(diaphragm), can be re-fitted at your 6 week check, as can the coil. Keeping a few condoms in the house is always a good idea.

The whole notion of sex after childbirth can frighten some, especially if they have had a really traumatic delivery. If you are really anxious, tell yourself that your first re-encounter with sex won't involve penetration. This way you may feel more relaxed, and it won't be such a big deal. If things develop, they develop!

For those that find that one partner has real problems months after giving birth, for what ever reason, and this is beginning to cause relationship problems, seek help. Many G.P's are able to refer you to councellors that are more readily available now(dependent on where you live
). The organisation 'Relate' is also very good, and not just there to be utilised when things become as serious as divorce. Be aware however, that there can be a waiting time in some areas.

I hope this opinion will be some help to those that are having any problems. If your thinking that you are different to everyone else, and that others are 'going at it' a few weeks afer birth, think again! Don't be too hard on yourself, give yourselves plenty of time.

Finally..... having a baby that decides they will now sleep through the night can definately be an advantage, and thats just pot luck isn't it! Still, try and utilise kind relatives that offer babysitting and overnight stay options, and make the effort to spend a little time together as a couple. Remember, there really was just the two of you once! It's amazing what a night out can do for you. Sticky-uppie? No problem.

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