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Sibling Rivalry!

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      16.04.2011 20:52

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      i used to hate my brother and sister - now were so close!

      my sister and I are 18 months apart in age. we are 2 very different people and our personalities always clash. Where i'm the one who loves to stay in doors being a mummy and house-wife (well as close as) she loves to go out with her mates partying or sleepovers.

      when we were younger we would wind each other up rotten! we would take things from each others rooms and secretly take them out with us.. like a pair of shoes or socks.. stupid things, and of course there was the 'they're not yours there mine' arguments daily. Or 'you're not going if i cant go'

      one day my sister really annoyed me after picking at me all day and there were times when people would only hear my voice yelling as i am the short tempered loud one, so i would be blamed. I had had enough of it and poured hot tea over her and stormed upstairs. i regret it now because i could have really hurt her, but it's behind us now.

      my brother was one too, we have seperate dads, so when i used to call his dad 'Dad' he would scream and cry saying 'he's my dad, you haven't got one' it hurt but he was young, of course i carried on calling him dad to this day as he has brought me up for 12 years now, but me and my brother used to fight physically and i would get so frustrated when he would stamp in shops for sweets and toys.

      Now though, my brother is 13, my sister is 16 and we're getting on like a house on fire. But that might be because I have now left and moved in with my boyfriend and daughter about an hour away from them. so instead of fighting with them, we're having phone conversations every few days and laughing and joking when we see each other.

      i guess they finally realised that we're all too grown up for petty arguments - as i have too.

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      05.02.2009 17:03
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      Let it be.

      *What Is Sibling Rivalry?*

      Basically, sibling rivalry is defined as being a sort of competition or hostility between brothers and sisters. This can be due to favouritism by parents and other family members or character clashes. But generally, and in my case sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up.


      *My Experiences*

      My review of this topic is going to be about the relationship and rivalry between me and my brother Tom. There is only 18 months between us and we are very different in personality. I am a fairly quiet person and prefer to keep myself to myself whereas Tom is extremely extrovert, loud and outgoing. I am academic, whereas he is by far more practical!

      When we were younger, my brother and I used to fight like cat and dog. How my parents used to put up with us is beyond me. One of the most tedious but also the most frequent argument was over who had control over the television remote. I now look back and think why on earth did this cause us so many arguments? I think it was probably a control fad between us both; whoever had the remote was 'better'. I wouldn't have minded but he watched complete rubbish! I mean come on, who watched Hey Arnold and Renford Rejects?

      When we travelled in the car, we would argue about anything, form who would sit in the front, to who is 'taking up the others space' whilst sitting in the back. I'm surprised, looking back, that my mum didn't have an accident with the noise that we made. I sure that any parents reading will be thinking to themselves, I've been in that position. But again, it seems to me that this is bickering and a slight power struggle between brother and sister.

      For approximately eight years my brother and I were members of a karate club. This is when the sibling rivalry between us was almost certainly at its most prominent. We started at the same time and strangely gave up at the same time, probably because the spirited side of it had gone for us and we didn't enjoy doing it alone. Whether it was the weekly classes or national competitions, the contest between us was always present and to be honest, we thrived on this. I don't believe either of us would have lasted as long participating in it otherwise. We went through each belt grading together. Had one of us failed a grade, this may have affected us massively but since we both passed every grade at the same time, we will never know.

      One cause for sibling rivalry between us was the treatment of us both by teachers at school. Like most children we went to the same secondary school. As I was two school years older than Tom, he had the same teachers that had already been educating me. It annoys me looking back that they compared us to one another. Frequently, my brother would come home from school in a strop stating that the teacher had said to him "Why can't you put as much effort in as your sister?" Can you even imagine how frustrating for him this must and been and how disheartening particularly when he'd put in a great deal of effort. And on the other hand, from my point of view, when teachers would say that my practical work wasn't to the same standard of my brother who was 2 years younger. I think it was wrong for them to have treated us as though we had the same qualities. At the end of the day, we are individual people, not clones of each other. Take us or leave us.

      It makes me chuckle when I watch Friends, the relationship between Ross and Monica. Some of the storylines regarding their relationship when they were younger reminds me of what my brother and I are like. Petty arguments between the pair are parallel to that of ours. The episode about Ross and Monica's childhood belongings destroyed by a flood in the garage especially.

      *Overall*

      Tom is 19 and I am 20 (soon to be 21). We are now extremely close and the sibling rivalry, whilst still exists, is most definitely toned down. The only thing we compete against is how much one another have spent on each other at Christmas time. We did have our fair share of arguments and fights but would I have had it any other way? Not a hope.

      I can't tell you what my parents did or did not do to try and prevent our sibling rivalry, but as we now tell each other everything (well almost, we have to have some secrets) they didn't do anything wrong. In my opinion, sibling rivalry is natural and my views are to just let nature take its course.

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        26.01.2009 18:13
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        Sibling rivalry is inevitable

        I am an only child. Consequently, until having my own children, I had only experienced sibling rivalry through an onlookers eyes. My best friend at school was the youngest of three girls, each separated by three years. Her sisters treated her with disdain, refused to communicate with her in school and blamed her for everything that went wrong in the family. Despite this, she adored them, and now they are all in, or approaching, their forties, all three now live over 200 miles from their town of birth, having followed the YOUNGEST to her new home! Their families are close and their children growing up together.

        Despite watching their rows, I was always jealous of my friend having older siblings and this, alongside my own experience of a large extended family of cousins, convinced me that I should have at least two children, preferably more.

        As it turns out, I currently have five children of my own, plus three step-children (I'll edit shortly as the 'currently' looks set to change later this year!). I now have lots of experience of sibling rivalry - still as an 'onlooker' but in a participatory way, rather than the non-participant observation of my youth. My eldest child is a 16 year old girl, separated by 19 months from her 15 year old brother. Four and a half years later, another daughter arrived, 16 months after that another son and almost 8 years later Littlest HonestBob entered our lives (making them all 16, 15, 10,9 and almost 2 now.... time for another!)


        Initially two seemed ideal and they were getting on well, apart from a slightly competitive streak running through both. With everything running smoothly I decided to have a third child when eldest son was four and a half, meaning I had children aged 6, nearly 5 and a newborn. Hmmm, now the sibling rivalry kicked in. Eldest son had been cosetted by me. He was an adorable toddler. When he started nursery I realised I missed his company, and as school approached the yearning for another baby in the house became overwhelming. New daughter arrived and she was a fab baby. Older and wiser, I was able to appreciate the early weeks and months, even the 2am feeds were a pleasure. But eldest son saw a rival taking over his spot. Mummy took him to nursery, left him there then returned home with the monster in the basket. Mummy couldn't read every story because the monster in the basket was hungry or smelly or just wanted Mummy and eldest son was a little too boisterous to sit still and quiet (Daddy was an adequate storyteller, but sometimes only Mummy will do, especially when Mummy can't do). Eldest son had his nose put out by the arrival of number 3, but he was wise enough not to take his frustrations out on the new baby. Instead, he turned his aggression on his big sister. They fought continually, told tales constantly and generally drove each other and me nuts.

        And still do.

        I have often thought that eldest son should have been an only child, but as my second child this was never going to be the case. At 8 he broke his eldest sister's nose. This sounds horrendous, but really it was a misaimed thump that he didn't expect to land. He was flailing in temper, her face got in the way. At 12 he broke his youngest sister's nose. This time they were cushion fighting (my poor sofa) and she removed her cushion shield at the crucial moment. More recently he has put a dent in a door and a hole in his bedroom plasterwork whilst 'avoiding' punching his eldest sister. He's not great with frustration, but I'm pretty sure that either being an only child, or the eldest of the bunch and therefore in a position of authority, would solve alot of his rivalry issues.

        His eldest sister is no saint in these matters however, she knows what buttons to push to get him to boiling point and the root cause is definitely rivalry for top dog. Their sibling rivalry is not based on a desire for more of my attention, it is power related, and for this reason I see it as a natural phenomena, each fighting for the position of pack leader. Eldest daughter thinks it is her right as a consequence of chronology, eldest son, subconsciously, thinks the post is his through gender.

        At the moment the next pair (aged 10 and 9 at the moment) get on wonderfully, possibly because they see in their elder siblings, the consequences of not doing so. However, as the eldest two move on and go to uni I am envisaging a similar set of teen-angst power battles in the future.

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          10.01.2009 10:23
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          Sibling rivalry

          I think that sibling rivalry certainly has a lot to do with the age gap that you have between children and also in these modern times of broken families whether or not both of the siblings sare the same number of parents in the family unit, in a sense I have experienced both types, I had a brothe who was only a couple of years older than me and we lived with my father and step mother (she is the person I consider my mother though as she raise us when our biological mother walked out) however Dad also had another child with her as well however there was a good nine year gap between us.

          In our family the sibling rivalry was always betwen my brother and me as we were so similar in age it felt like we had the same emotional needs for many years and as such were competing for attention and affection, looking back it seems strange because we were never short of either from both of our parents it was just something that was ever present, my attempts to out do him academically and sorting while he sort to assert dominance as the older child.

          There were no such issues with my younger sister, rather she as the baby of the family got attention from everyone and I never really experienced that middle child thing of being neither one thing or the other such was the age difference.

          Like all things time resolved any issues in our family and now my brother and I are really close and I speak and see him probably the same if not more than my parents, indeed he dated and married one of my best friends.

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          08.01.2009 16:12
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          We should all know the meaning of respect

          Growing up with four sisters and one brother sibling rivalry never really occurred in our household. From a very young age i was taught and so was the rest of my brothers and sisters to respect and share what we had with one another.
          We had our up's and downs what family doesn't and sometimes we used to have fall outs between us but that was rare. Whenever it was someones birthday yes i think we all used to get a little jealous in our heads that one of our sisters/brothers was getting all the attention that day and a stack of presents, but we never showed it and spent the day together as a family. Our mum used to get each of us who it wasn't our birthday a tiny little present which was normally a bar of chocolate, a book or something similar which we where very grateful for.

          My oldest sister is 27 and my youngest is 10 so there is a 17 year age gap between us all from top to bottom. I am the third eldest and my brother is in between me and my older sister. We used to take out three younger sisters under our wings when mum and dad where at work or busy and play with them, learn with them etc and make them feel part of the family.

          We all used to be grateful for everything that we received because we all knew that money was tight , i didn't mind having my older sisters hand me downs at all, by the time i was 12-13 she had become old enough to work and had left school so was able to buy her own clothing, which i loved sneaking into her room and seeing what i could borrow because we where more or less the same size.

          Our mum and dad used to treat us all the same and their was no favoritism, although because my brother was the only brother my dad used to do more things with him so he didn't feel left out, it was only simple things like mowing the lawn or taking him to my dads garage which he was self employed and used to repair cars, on Saturdays or after school my brother used to go and help him out. We sisters didn't mind at all and used to spend that time helping mum out in the kitchen baking or gardening.

          Being a mum myself now of two girls who are aged just on year apart i am very keen on promoting on bond between them to have the ability of share and learn together. I don't want them to grow up being jealous of one another so i treat them equally. They both have 'me' time with mummy and daddy and they do near enough everything together. Of course i want them to have their own independence in life but at the moment they are slightly to young for that.

          I encourage them to share with one another, love each other and to care for each other. I was brought up in that respect and i want my children to do the same, other's may have different views on my opinion and we are all entitled to our own opinion, but i want whats best for everyone and most of all a happy,simple, life.

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            07.01.2009 11:06
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            Every family will differ!

            As a parent of four (2 boys and 2 girls), I have seen sibling rivalry take on all kinds of forms.

            My two sons when they were young would not go near each other but would happily play with their older sisters yet when they got a bit older one being 12 and the other 10 they would spend all their time together and never consider spending time with their sister who at this time would have been 13 and 15.

            My two girls on the other hand have been happy to play with each other when young and spend lots of time with each other as they got older, they were not keen on the boys at a young age but were happy to spend time with them when they got a bit older only the boys would have none of it.

            Thankfully they all get on very well these days as adults but I can still see the rivalry there, although they all want the best for each other and their children there is a bit of a competitive edge lurking in the background as to who has the best house or best car and that sort of thing.

            I am happy to say that all my kids went on to do well for themselves and all have decent jobs, nice homes and enough money to live comfortably but it is still in my mind that they each see it as a competition to dress their kids in the best clothes and go to the best places on holiday and the likes but if this is what has driven them on to work hard and do well for themselves then I cannot see it as a bad thing!

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            07.01.2009 10:34
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            a brief look at my point of view when growing up with my sister.

            Sibling rivalry is something that I can speak about from a siblings point of view. I am the eldest daughter of two. My sister is 3 1/2 years younger than me. My poor mum must have been through the wars dealing with us two. I must say though, that all the sibling rivalry problems that occured were due to me. I am 33 years old now, and would like to think that I am a nice person, but when I was a child I was horrible. I remember going to the hospital to see my mum after she had given birth to my sister, and I didn't even talk to my mum. I was so jealous, at that stage. I think I didn't understand that my world had changed, but I didn't want it to change. I didn't want a sibling, I wanted the attention all to myself. As we grew up together I hated my sister to the extreme. I made her life hell, I even resorted to throwing her down the stairs. I cringe now just thinking about it. We get on so well now, and are really close. I now have a 13 month old son and am expecting twins in 5 months time. I am dreading having the same senario happen to me. It makes me realise how much I made my mums life hell. I can imagine that having such problems with your children is so stressful, but unavoidable sometimes. I can't imagine that my mum did such a bad job at interacting us together. I can only think that it was because I was such a horrible child. I feel for my mum, and anyone else out there with similar problems.

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              06.01.2009 12:55
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              Big Brother's Little Brother!

              When I was expecting my second child, me and my husband started to worry about how our oldest would respond, given that there is almost a five year age gap between our children, meaning that our oldest had the privilege of being an only child for that time.

              We did the usual things to prepare him; explained what little babies could do when they were first born, read books with him about pregnancy and babies and took him along to the scans etc. We even gave our oldest a present 'from' his new baby brother when he eventually made his arrival and encouraged him to buy a gift for the new arrival. We were still apprehensive about the inevitable jealousy as our oldest adjusted to an interloper in his life and household, sharing his parents' love and our attention.

              Surprisingly, there was no evidence of any jealousy or resentment at all when the baby arrived. Even though I was breastfeeding and the baby obviously needed lots of attention, our oldest accepted this without question and was amazingly loving and gentle towards his little brother. As our youngest got older, it was clear that he absolutely idolised his big brother! We could all raise a smile from the baby, but it was only his big brother that provoked real episodes of laughter from him. The slapstick humour of a five year old totally appealed to a newborn and he would watch his older brother's antics in fits of laughter. Of course, Big Brother loved this and this would only encourage to perform more and more.

              Little Brother was, luckily, quite a contented, placid character. He learnt to sit comparatively early but started crawling quite late, so he was happy to sit, surrounded by his own toys, while Big Brother still took most of the parental attention at that stage. Once Little Brother was starting to walk, the dynamics started to change. Obviously, as a wobbly toddler, Little Brother needed a lot of care and attention - just to make sure he wasn't about to fall into something or gobble up some of his brother's lego etc. From now on, Big Brother's toys were an easy target and could no longer simply be moved out of Little Brother's reach. This was where some resentment and jealousy started to creep in. They both still clearly adored one another but there was a lot more at stake now and Big Brother couldn't choose to interact with our baby just when it suited him any more.

              Although Little Brother has become more confident and steady on his feet, he still demands a lot of attention from us as parents. There is now a constant battle between meeting the needs of one child and satisfying the other. At the moment, both boys are real 'Daddy's boys.' When my husband returns home from work, there is a mad rush from both sides of the room as each child scrambles to get to the coveted lap before the other! The rivalry between the two of them is really clear when it comes to my husband's attention. (I don't get the same response when I return home from work though! Charming!) Both children are definitely as bad as each other. Big Brother deliberately winds Little Brother up by getting to his Dad first and taking toys/ sweets etc that he knows Little Brother wants to have. At times when Little Brother is happily distracted and playing with a toy, if he spots that Big Brother is having a cuddle from Mummy or Daddy, he will come over and try to pull him off. Little Brother even bit Big Brother on the leg once (although this was over a toy that neither wanted to share.)

              Over time, I'm hoping that this type of sibling rivalry will ease off. Our youngest isn't quite eighteen months old yet and is still going through the 'separation anxiety' stage so he is quite possessive of his parents. Our oldest is now six and is gradually becoming more independent, going out to play with his own friends and should need our full-on attention less and less as he grows up. I think sibling rivalry at this stage is entirely natural and shows a healthy attachment to us as parents (hopefully!) I don't see that it can really be avoided and we have tried to encourage a loving relationship between the two of them and intervene when needed to stop anybody getting hurt! I think this is probably as much as you can do at this stage. We love both our children equally and try to divide our time fairly but there are obviously occasions and developmental stages when one child is going to need a bit more attention than the other. Over time, this should evolve into a positive relationship between the two boys - possibly with an element of healthy competition thrown in for good measure!

              For the vast majority of the time, the two brothers do get on well and Little Brother knows to hold his Big Brother's hand and lead him into the kitchen, when he wants somebody to open the box of chocolates for him! Big Brothers do have their uses, after all!

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                03.01.2009 10:05
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                Encourage, not compare......

                I have two children - a son and a daughter aged 13 and 14 and only 15 months in age between them, so they have always been very close.

                When they were very small, and because of the closeness in age, it was hard for us not to compare the two of them - and we found ourselves saying "well by the time C was this age, she was already doing.........so P should be doing the same" despite trying not to. We compared the age and speed at which they were potty trained, when they were walking, got their first tooth, said their first word, etc etc.

                We knew it wasn't a competition, and we knew that they were two different little people with their own personalities, but conversation sort of just happens that way, and comparisons are made. Of course all children walk and talk at different ages - that doesn't mean one is more advanced or is going to be a Grade A student, or an Olympic athlete, but as parents we naturally compared them with each other at times.

                This continued at school - "I'm sure C got more homework when she was at that age" and the like.......again, not intending to create any sort of competition, but just normal parenting "stuff".

                Because of their closeness in age, and despite them being one girl, one boy, they have very often done the same activities - karate, and skiing are their main ones, and so it has been difficult not to compare the two based on their performance, effort and attitude. This is really hard because they both started these sports at the same time, yet one might be better than the other, so if one fails a grading, or skis badly, someone will always make comment about "being beated by your sister" or "don't let him get too far ahead of you" etc - when in fact their build, attitude to sport, fitness levels and reasons for doing it could be very different.


                Our children are not clones of each other, and they also do activities of their own too - my son plays basketball, for example and my daughter has now moved into ski coaching rather than ski racing, so we have let them find their own way, and making their own choices, which hopefully leads to less potential rivalry between the two.

                Sibling rivalry can be quite beneficial - in the case or their sport, competition between my two has been very good at times, but it can also be destructive - my husband had an older brother who performed better academically, so my husband got to the point where he said "I'm never going to be as good as him, so I might as well not bother"......leading to poor school results and the saying "I'm just thick" being bandied about far too often.

                I think what I am trying to say (badly - this review is not my best) is that sibling rivalry is probably as much the by-product of parents' natural concerns and the encouragement of others, as it is the competitiveness of the children involved.

                What we, as their parents, need to do is support and encourage, not compare - but this is not always as simple as it perhaps should be!

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                  16.07.2008 19:43
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                  don't worry, they will leave home one day!!!!!

                  I don't think sibling rivalry can be avoided, I don't think it matters what kind of parent you are, all children compete with each other for your attention, think they deserve more than the other, fight with each other and vy for being your favourite, its part and parcel of their immaturity as children and its just part of growing up.

                  My daughter (who is the eldest at 9) is always trying to get her younger brother in trouble, is constantly trying to get more attention from me even though I try my best to treat them both equally and fairly and she has this big chip on her shoulder that if I tell her off it means i prefer her brother to her.

                  I think the best thing you can do is stand your ground with them and be firm but just accept that they will fight and fall out with each other and this is normal and healthy

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                  10.01.2008 13:31
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                  Talk things through! It's never too late to end the overcome sibling rivalry.

                  Many people expect sibling rivaly to subside as children become adults. However for many families (like mine), this is not the case.

                  I am a 32 year old woman with three brothers aged 38, 36 and 23. Although I enjoy a close and almost maternal relationship with my younger brother, he has a very distant and often hostile relationship with my older brothers. A typical family party will consist of my younger brother provoking my older brothers, my dad trying to calm them down, my sisters-in-law looking embarrassed and nervous, and other relatives or family friends watching the fiasco with interest. I usually sit a few tables away trying to explain to my nieces and nephews why their daddies are fighting with their young uncle.

                  Much of the resentment between my brothers stems from my mother's death which occured when I was 14. At the time my little brother was only five while my older brothers had already left home. My dad tried to work less hours so he could spend as much time at home as possible. However, there were a few occasions when Dad couldn't leave work early or had to attend a conference in another state or country. During these occasions, my older brothers took in turns to look after us.

                  My younger brother, who was still traumatised by my mother's death (which occured while she was taking him to the park) became increasingly sullen and withdrawn and didn't respond well to my older brothers' authority. He refused to do anything they asked him to do and would be in tears until my father came home. Dad grew more and more concerned and soon left work to take care of him full time. When i started university, I was able to be more of a mother figure to him, and he became much more cheerful and talkative.

                  Things got worse again, when my younger brother started highschool, and i moved states to pursue a career opportunity. He was a thin, shy and studious teenager, and seemed to resent my popular and athletic older brothers who were both happily married by then. Between then and now, their sibling rivalry has barely changed and is becoming more difficult for the family to cope with.

                  Recently I decided that enough was enough. While taking our 13-year old nephew to the movies, my younger brother told him about some of my eldest brother's irresponsible behaviour as a young adult (e.g. one-night stands, binge-drinking, pot-smoking). When my eldest brother found out, he assumed this was an attempt to turn his son against him and a massive row took place. It ended with my eldest brother yelling "Thank God our mother didn't live to see you now" and my younger brother shoving him to the ground.

                  After this, I forced all three of my brothers (with the help of my two sisters-in-law) to sit down and talk everything through. It turns out that my younger brother still blames himself for our mother's death, and has always felt jealous that my older brothers got to spend so much time with her. He also felt that when they got married, they seemed to forget about him and barely visited. When they did visit, they treated him like a child and were too domineering. My older brothers meanwhile, revealed that the reason they were often a bit strict with him when looking after him (and even now) is because they were trying to make up for his loss of a parent by behaving like parents. They also said that the reason they visited him less and less during his teen years was because they felt he never liked it when they were around.

                  So from this experience, I have learnt many things. First of all, after years of bitterness and resentment the best way to deal with adult sibling rivalry is to talk things through. Secondly, sibling rivalry may occur reguardless of how good a parent you are. My father and mother did their very best to achieve a close, supportive family but sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. Last and not least, it can take people a long time to change their ways. My brothers still argue and feel abit awkward around eachother despite having talked things over. However, they are gradually becoming closer, and last week they even united together to win an argument against me! How annoying.

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                  06.01.2008 00:55
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                  All i wanted for christmas this year was a peaceful house, not a war zone

                  If any one out there has found a sencible way to stop sibling rivalry then please let me know.

                  Me and my cousin who my mother raised were born 8 years apart, he is 8 years older than me so we were never very close as children because of the age gap. we never argued or didnt get along but never had anything in comon untill we got older,

                  He did everything later in life than me, i left home at 17 he was still at home when he was 26 but in a good way this has worked out well as we both have two daughters who are very close in age.

                  My two daughters are just over 12 months apart in age, no this was not a stupid accident it was planned this way as i thought them being close in age would mean they would be able to do everything together in life and would get along well.

                  They were fine to begin with but now they are almost 4 and 5 years old all they do is fight, its not for attention and to be honest i dont realy know what it is for but unlike most children where the eldest feels left out its my youngest that is the problen. my eldest loves her little sister that much she asked father christmas if she could have another baby sister for christmas and although me and my husband would realy like another baby we cant even discuss the idea at the moment as my youngest would kill it.

                  They have never had seperate bedrooms and i have always brought 2 of the same of everything, usually in different colours though so i know whos is whos.

                  My youngest takes everything off my eldest, deliberatley breakes or hides her toys and bites scratches and pulls her hair every time she doesnt get her own way.

                  Its not fair and i am litteraly at the end of my teather with her, what can i do.

                  They hate being together but hate being apart,

                  Why cant my little one learn to be nice to my eldest.

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                    11.06.2005 19:46
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                    My mum grew up a lonely, only child and swore that she'd never let any child of hers repeat that experience so almost 4 years after my sister was born, I came along. I'm sure until I started to speak, at least, things were the epitomy of domestic bliss, but sooner or later the inevitable happened and my sister and I started to fight like cat and dog.

                    I don't have children of my own, but work with children in various organisations and it can be infuriating when two siblings start squabbling. It must be even worse for a parent to stand by and watch their kids fighting when all they desire is for them to be the picture perfect little angels that they once were when they still fitted into their babygrows.

                    Ultimately, however, all brothers and sisters fight. I suppose that it really isn't a big surprise. Children want love and attention and haven't quite yet learned the skills needed for successful communication and social relations such as the importance of sharing or respecting other opinions. So if they are faced with a brother or sister who vies with them for parental attention or a brother or sister who disagrees with them or who appears to get more than they do etc., then all hell can break loose fairly quickly.

                    I know with my sister and I that the whole experience was intensified as we shared a room and my mother sent us everywhere together as an attempt to make us bond. We went to piano lessons together, Brownies and later Guides together, guitar lessons together, church and Sunday school together, we went to the same schools and when we came home we couldn't even escape each other because of the shared room! I was four years younger and therefore tended to be the more selfish and immature of the pair as we were growing up. If I wanted something, I had to have it and expected my big sister to give it up willingly. My big sister also had to endure me when she got to the age of wanting to have boyfriends round to visit and I would refuse to leave the room!

                    Even though my sister and I are now 20 and 24 peace doesn't always surround our relationship even now. We feel we can be more frank, and sometimes even cruel to each other, since we are sisters and have grown up together and this often leads to huge arguments.

                    I think that sibling rivalry has to be expected among kids and often adults interfering with squabbles and arguments can make the kids even more annoyed, especially if they are in their teens. After all, everyone argues with people who they spend a lot of time with, and siblings tend to spend massive amounts of time together. Rivalry between them doesn't necessarilly have to be viewed as a negative thing, but just as a natural thing. If nothing else, it often results in the kids learning more about negotiation and cooperation ultimately.

                    However, if sibling rivalry really is driving you nuts you could try separating the children for a short length of time, offering rewards for the children working together to come to a compromise instead of fighting (more effective with older children capable of understanding this) or sitting the children down and explaining the consequences of fighting and arguing and asking them about how they feel when they argue or are picked on by an older sibling. It is possibly worth implementing a warning system where you and the children decide on a signal to use when they feel that they are getting very angry and hopefully this could at least reduce the number of arguments.

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                      09.05.2005 23:08
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                      • "marks on the childs skin."

                      I have four children and i am the youngest of three children growing up there was a lot of fighting between me my brother and sister how my mum coped I will never know I was a horrid child and used to wind my brother and sister up because in my mums eyes I could do no wrong but she soon saw through me and on several occasions threatned to bang our heads togeather she never did but I now know how hard it was my eldest two constantly bicker and fight and the arguments have turned in to violence.

                      Im no expert on parenting but I try and stop the arguments but I know there are times when I feel like saying right fine argue but I have never said that because thats showing them its ok to fight when its not brothers and sisters should not fight but it happens and its all part of growing up .

                      My little girl is always accusing her brother of things when 99% of the time she is the one who started it I used to believe every word she said but now I listen to both sides of the story before I make judgement .My twins who are only two constantly fight over the smallest thing like a toy or book and the eldest twin has a habit of bitting people say bite him back but what does that show thats it ok .

                      I take every day as it comes and I always try to stop the fighting I either split the kids up or take the toy away or distract there attention with the eldest two I am able to talk to them and try and resolve the problem so there is no fighting but only in an ideal world would that happen at times I have been known to shout at them to stop bickering but im only human.

                      I also know when it happens you feel like your the only person in the world but your not every parent is facing the same challenge and anybody who tells you there children dont fight is lying because all children fight we adults fought with our siblings and our children do and so will theres .I know sometimes its hard but sooner or later it does get better im not saying it stops because thats not true me and my brother fight that much we dont talk to each other but see it from a childs point of view and maybe we can understand what causes this.

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                        25.01.2002 02:08
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                        Basically I am fed up with my siblings so I found a novel solution to getting on with my life. My dad used to say that the only sibling rivalry that Popeye and me had was who could lie the most and steal the most. That was because Popeye and me colluded against the real enemy, my parents from the time we were about 12. We never fought or hit each other since we were 13 and 14. There was no point in being against each other when it was the wardens we had to deal with. I do want to ask my dad one thing about my childhood. Popeye and me used to have a collection of dirty magazines that we hid in the attic of our house underneath the fiberglass insulation. It seemed to be a good hiding place. Then we came home from school one day and my dad and an elder from our church who was handy as a carpenter were right there by our cache with all the insulation pulled up and they were messing with the wiring. I just wonder what happened to our dirty magazines is all. No one ever said word one about it. I hope that self righteous weakling "TS" was there when the dirty books got discovered. Anyways I just started hating Popeye lately. See Popeye is a braggart and he went to Yale. Now only that arrogant chuffjuggler would come back home to our small town to teach school with a degree from Yale. But then one of his students went home and shot his stepfather after getting into it with Popeye so Popeye quit teaching and went to work with my father. My parents only started liking Popeye more than me lately because I have a Russian wife. I want to stab Popeye. Then the dumb jerk didn't get a new passport so we can go on a trip because my wife left me and he was riding in my car and he was drunk and kicking the ceiling and I told him not to. So he tried to write Chinese letters on my windows with Amy's eyeliner. My parents give Popeye all sorts of money even though he don't need it and he gets to live in their house for pennies since they mo
                        ved to South Carolina. I like my sister but she hated my wife so I never got to see her for a long time. But now she just spends all her time bragging about her new car and how much more drinks cost in Myrtle Beach than in our home town. She did send me a nice shirt the other day that has a picture of a poor white trash chick in a trailer court on it and it says, "Trailer Treasure", and it is exactly the type of women I like. But she gave Popeye all the dirty pictures that her friend that works at the film place gave her and that was better than my shirt. If you read my other Ops you know all about that little twerp, Owen. He is just a little dickhead. My mom used to be pro-life and work at the county fair in a tent that showed a movie about abortions until Owen was about 4. Then she quit that movement because I believe she wishes she had aborted Owen. He is just a jackass. So anyways, you can see that I was ripe for finding a surrogate sibling. I have a lot of bar friends but that wasn't quite family. Then I heard an advert on the radio about an organization called "Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Northwest Ohio". So I called them up and volunteered to become the "Big brother" of some poor trashy kid from a broken home (that's the only ones they ever have, dirty, poor, dumb kids from broken homes). They hooked me up with a kid named Leon. So at the same time my friend called Kwik Karl whose daughter is like growing up and going her own way at age 16 decides he's gonna get a "li' Brotha" too. So now me and Karl have more or less got a little rivalry going with our siblings. Both Kwashawn and Leon are 11 years old. So we like to go and do stuff together with them like play mini golf and ride go-carts. They also like to go to the video arcade. Basically it became apparant that they were just using us. So Karl and me decided to make it more fun and we had some contests b
                        ased on our surrogate siblings. 1. I won the first rivalry. The contest was who could sleep with their "lil Brotha's Mutha" first. I won. Although it wasn't much of a challenge D'ancy, I think, does this sort of thing pretty casually and I offered her $50 and it was a pretty done deal. Karl did complete his goal because he is just the sort of guy who doesn't quit. And then he got stuck having to give Vanessa $400 for an abortion. 2. We realized that our "Brothers" are most likely going to wind up in the joint anyways so their is no point in being all goody goody and self righteous with them. So we had a contest on whose "Brother" could steal the most tools at Sears. Kwashawn totally walked all over Leon because Leon was a chicken and a coward. Karl ended up with a whole new set of Craftsmen wrenches out of the deal. All I got was a stupid flashlight that wasn't even a good one. 3. We finally just started doing gladiator style fights using our "Brothers". Even though Kwashawn is a lot bigger than my kid he is basically "poverty fat", that sluggish, oafish, type of person. Leon always gets him in triangle chokes and made him submit with a rather sophisticated Crucifix choke I taught him. 4. I know it is probaly wrong but I bet Karl a set of Cleveland Caveliers tickets that my brother could do more shots of Jaegermeister than his brother. Both of them managed to down four shots before puking all over my house with their puke which was full of Captain Crunch cereal. It really made us mad so we went to the game together and let those sorry lightweight sit home and think about us going and seeing Micheal Jordan play. I guess all I want to say is that I hate Popeye and it can be a lot of fun "adopting" a "little brother"

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