Its Not Fair! (Sibling Rivalry!)

Member Name: GuruOnAMountain

Product:	Sibling Rivalry!
Date:	11/06/05 (172 review reads)
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My mum grew up a lonely, only child and swore that she'd never let any child of hers repeat that experience so almost 4 years after my sister was born, I came along. I'm sure until I started to speak, at least, things were the epitomy of domestic bliss, but sooner or later the inevitable happened and my sister and I started to fight like cat and dog.

I don't have children of my own, but work with children in various organisations and it can be infuriating when two siblings start squabbling. It must be even worse for a parent to stand by and watch their kids fighting when all they desire is for them to be the picture perfect little angels that they once were when they still fitted into their babygrows.

Ultimately, however, all brothers and sisters fight. I suppose that it really isn't a big surprise. Children want love and attention and haven't quite yet learned the skills needed for successful communication and social relations such as the importance of sharing or respecting other opinions. So if they are faced with a brother or sister who vies with them for parental attention or a brother or sister who disagrees with them or who appears to get more than they do etc., then all hell can break loose fairly quickly.

I know with my sister and I that the whole experience was intensified as we shared a room and my mother sent us everywhere together as an attempt to make us bond. We went to piano lessons together, Brownies and later Guides together, guitar lessons together, church and Sunday school together, we went to the same schools and when we came home we couldn't even escape each other because of the shared room! I was four years younger and therefore tended to be the more selfish and immature of the pair as we were growing up. If I wanted something, I had to have it and expected my big sister to give it up willingly. My big sister also had to endure me when she got to the age of wanting to have boyfriends round to visit and I would refuse to leave the room!

Even though my sister and I are now 20 and 24 peace doesn't always surround our relationship even now. We feel we can be more frank, and sometimes even cruel to each other, since we are sisters and have grown up together and this often leads to huge arguments.

I think that sibling rivalry has to be expected among kids and often adults interfering with squabbles and arguments can make the kids even more annoyed, especially if they are in their teens. After all, everyone argues with people who they spend a lot of time with, and siblings tend to spend massive amounts of time together. Rivalry between them doesn't necessarilly have to be viewed as a negative thing, but just as a natural thing. If nothing else, it often results in the kids learning more about negotiation and cooperation ultimately.

However, if sibling rivalry really is driving you nuts you could try separating the children for a short length of time, offering rewards for the children working together to come to a compromise instead of fighting (more effective with older children capable of understanding this) or sitting the children down and explaining the consequences of fighting and arguing and asking them about how they feel when they argue or are picked on by an older sibling. It is possibly worth implementing a warning system where you and the children decide on a signal to use when they feel that they are getting very angry and hopefully this could at least reduce the number of arguments.

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