Harder to avoid than you might think... (Sibling Rivalry!)

Member Name: hypno06

Product:	Sibling Rivalry!
Date:	03/01/09 (61 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: A little competition is not a bad thing

Disadvantages: Don't forget they are individuals in their own right.

I have two children - a son and a daughter aged 13 and 14 and only 15 months in age between them, so they have always been very close.

When they were very small, and because of the closeness in age, it was hard for us not to compare the two of them - and we found ourselves saying "well by the time C was this age, she was already doing.........so P should be doing the same" despite trying not to. We compared the age and speed at which they were potty trained, when they were walking, got their first tooth, said their first word, etc etc.

We knew it wasn't a competition, and we knew that they were two different little people with their own personalities, but conversation sort of just happens that way, and comparisons are made. Of course all children walk and talk at different ages - that doesn't mean one is more advanced or is going to be a Grade A student, or an Olympic athlete, but as parents we naturally compared them with each other at times.

This continued at school - "I'm sure C got more homework when she was at that age" and the like.......again, not intending to create any sort of competition, but just normal parenting "stuff".

Because of their closeness in age, and despite them being one girl, one boy, they have very often done the same activities - karate, and skiing are their main ones, and so it has been difficult not to compare the two based on their performance, effort and attitude. This is really hard because they both started these sports at the same time, yet one might be better than the other, so if one fails a grading, or skis badly, someone will always make comment about "being beated by your sister" or "don't let him get too far ahead of you" etc - when in fact their build, attitude to sport, fitness levels and reasons for doing it could be very different.


Our children are not clones of each other, and they also do activities of their own too - my son plays basketball, for example and my daughter has now moved into ski coaching rather than ski racing, so we have let them find their own way, and making their own choices, which hopefully leads to less potential rivalry between the two.

Sibling rivalry can be quite beneficial - in the case or their sport, competition between my two has been very good at times, but it can also be destructive - my husband had an older brother who performed better academically, so my husband got to the point where he said "I'm never going to be as good as him, so I might as well not bother"......leading to poor school results and the saying "I'm just thick" being bandied about far too often.

I think what I am trying to say (badly - this review is not my best) is that sibling rivalry is probably as much the by-product of parents' natural concerns and the encouragement of others, as it is the competitiveness of the children involved.

What we, as their parents, need to do is support and encourage, not compare - but this is not always as simple as it perhaps should be!

Summary: Encourage, not compare......