A tale of two brothers! (Sibling Rivalry!)

Member Name: jo1976

Product:	Sibling Rivalry!
Date:	06/01/09 (149 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Brotherly love and competition

Disadvantages: Squabbling and fighting for parents' attention

When I was expecting my second child, me and my husband started to worry about how our oldest would respond, given that there is almost a five year age gap between our children, meaning that our oldest had the privilege of being an only child for that time.

We did the usual things to prepare him; explained what little babies could do when they were first born, read books with him about pregnancy and babies and took him along to the scans etc. We even gave our oldest a present 'from' his new baby brother when he eventually made his arrival and encouraged him to buy a gift for the new arrival. We were still apprehensive about the inevitable jealousy as our oldest adjusted to an interloper in his life and household, sharing his parents' love and our attention.

Surprisingly, there was no evidence of any jealousy or resentment at all when the baby arrived. Even though I was breastfeeding and the baby obviously needed lots of attention, our oldest accepted this without question and was amazingly loving and gentle towards his little brother. As our youngest got older, it was clear that he absolutely idolised his big brother! We could all raise a smile from the baby, but it was only his big brother that provoked real episodes of laughter from him. The slapstick humour of a five year old totally appealed to a newborn and he would watch his older brother's antics in fits of laughter. Of course, Big Brother loved this and this would only encourage to perform more and more.

Little Brother was, luckily, quite a contented, placid character. He learnt to sit comparatively early but started crawling quite late, so he was happy to sit, surrounded by his own toys, while Big Brother still took most of the parental attention at that stage. Once Little Brother was starting to walk, the dynamics started to change. Obviously, as a wobbly toddler, Little Brother needed a lot of care and attention - just to make sure he wasn't about to fall into something or gobble up some of his brother's lego etc. From now on, Big Brother's toys were an easy target and could no longer simply be moved out of Little Brother's reach. This was where some resentment and jealousy started to creep in. They both still clearly adored one another but there was a lot more at stake now and Big Brother couldn't choose to interact with our baby just when it suited him any more.

Although Little Brother has become more confident and steady on his feet, he still demands a lot of attention from us as parents. There is now a constant battle between meeting the needs of one child and satisfying the other. At the moment, both boys are real 'Daddy's boys.' When my husband returns home from work, there is a mad rush from both sides of the room as each child scrambles to get to the coveted lap before the other! The rivalry between the two of them is really clear when it comes to my husband's attention. (I don't get the same response when I return home from work though! Charming!) Both children are definitely as bad as each other. Big Brother deliberately winds Little Brother up by getting to his Dad first and taking toys/ sweets etc that he knows Little Brother wants to have. At times when Little Brother is happily distracted and playing with a toy, if he spots that Big Brother is having a cuddle from Mummy or Daddy, he will come over and try to pull him off. Little Brother even bit Big Brother on the leg once (although this was over a toy that neither wanted to share.)

Over time, I'm hoping that this type of sibling rivalry will ease off. Our youngest isn't quite eighteen months old yet and is still going through the 'separation anxiety' stage so he is quite possessive of his parents. Our oldest is now six and is gradually becoming more independent, going out to play with his own friends and should need our full-on attention less and less as he grows up. I think sibling rivalry at this stage is entirely natural and shows a healthy attachment to us as parents (hopefully!) I don't see that it can really be avoided and we have tried to encourage a loving relationship between the two of them and intervene when needed to stop anybody getting hurt! I think this is probably as much as you can do at this stage. We love both our children equally and try to divide our time fairly but there are obviously occasions and developmental stages when one child is going to need a bit more attention than the other. Over time, this should evolve into a positive relationship between the two boys - possibly with an element of healthy competition thrown in for good measure!

For the vast majority of the time, the two brothers do get on well and Little Brother knows to hold his Big Brother's hand and lead him into the kitchen, when he wants somebody to open the box of chocolates for him! Big Brothers do have their uses, after all!

Summary: Big Brother's Little Brother!