Will I have any walls left? (Sibling Rivalry!)

Member Name: HonestBob

Product:	Sibling Rivalry!
Date:	26/01/09 (78 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: They are able to stand up for themselves

Disadvantages: Broken noses, plaster and doors.

I am an only child. Consequently, until having my own children, I had only experienced sibling rivalry through an onlookers eyes. My best friend at school was the youngest of three girls, each separated by three years. Her sisters treated her with disdain, refused to communicate with her in school and blamed her for everything that went wrong in the family. Despite this, she adored them, and now they are all in, or approaching, their forties, all three now live over 200 miles from their town of birth, having followed the YOUNGEST to her new home! Their families are close and their children growing up together.

Despite watching their rows, I was always jealous of my friend having older siblings and this, alongside my own experience of a large extended family of cousins, convinced me that I should have at least two children, preferably more.

As it turns out, I currently have five children of my own, plus three step-children (I'll edit shortly as the 'currently' looks set to change later this year!). I now have lots of experience of sibling rivalry - still as an 'onlooker' but in a participatory way, rather than the non-participant observation of my youth. My eldest child is a 16 year old girl, separated by 19 months from her 15 year old brother. Four and a half years later, another daughter arrived, 16 months after that another son and almost 8 years later Littlest HonestBob entered our lives (making them all 16, 15, 10,9 and almost 2 now.... time for another!)


Initially two seemed ideal and they were getting on well, apart from a slightly competitive streak running through both. With everything running smoothly I decided to have a third child when eldest son was four and a half, meaning I had children aged 6, nearly 5 and a newborn. Hmmm, now the sibling rivalry kicked in. Eldest son had been cosetted by me. He was an adorable toddler. When he started nursery I realised I missed his company, and as school approached the yearning for another baby in the house became overwhelming. New daughter arrived and she was a fab baby. Older and wiser, I was able to appreciate the early weeks and months, even the 2am feeds were a pleasure. But eldest son saw a rival taking over his spot. Mummy took him to nursery, left him there then returned home with the monster in the basket. Mummy couldn't read every story because the monster in the basket was hungry or smelly or just wanted Mummy and eldest son was a little too boisterous to sit still and quiet (Daddy was an adequate storyteller, but sometimes only Mummy will do, especially when Mummy can't do). Eldest son had his nose put out by the arrival of number 3, but he was wise enough not to take his frustrations out on the new baby. Instead, he turned his aggression on his big sister. They fought continually, told tales constantly and generally drove each other and me nuts.

And still do.

I have often thought that eldest son should have been an only child, but as my second child this was never going to be the case. At 8 he broke his eldest sister's nose. This sounds horrendous, but really it was a misaimed thump that he didn't expect to land. He was flailing in temper, her face got in the way. At 12 he broke his youngest sister's nose. This time they were cushion fighting (my poor sofa) and she removed her cushion shield at the crucial moment. More recently he has put a dent in a door and a hole in his bedroom plasterwork whilst 'avoiding' punching his eldest sister. He's not great with frustration, but I'm pretty sure that either being an only child, or the eldest of the bunch and therefore in a position of authority, would solve alot of his rivalry issues.

His eldest sister is no saint in these matters however, she knows what buttons to push to get him to boiling point and the root cause is definitely rivalry for top dog. Their sibling rivalry is not based on a desire for more of my attention, it is power related, and for this reason I see it as a natural phenomena, each fighting for the position of pack leader. Eldest daughter thinks it is her right as a consequence of chronology, eldest son, subconsciously, thinks the post is his through gender.

At the moment the next pair (aged 10 and 9 at the moment) get on wonderfully, possibly because they see in their elder siblings, the consequences of not doing so. However, as the eldest two move on and go to uni I am envisaging a similar set of teen-angst power battles in the future.

Summary: Sibling rivalry is inevitable