Happy Families (Sibling Rivalry!)

Member Name: pebbles

Product:	Sibling Rivalry!
Date:	12/10/01 (112 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: good times are good but the bad times are hell

Disadvantages: jealousy and favourism

I'm one of 12 children and I always thought the world of them all, I was always having parties and get togethers or visiting them. Then one day at the age of 35 my eyes were opened and I realised they weren't all wonderful and was I wearing rose coloured specs?

I should explain. I was the last to leave home (but I wasn't the youngest) and therefore spent the most time with my parents.I became close to both of them, and my dad even asked me to help with the finances so when he got old I would know where things were and what needed doing if my mum needed help. I never thought much about the realtionship I had with them or the trust they put in me, until my father's health declined at the age of 83. He became confused and wandered in the night, and generally needed a lot of care. My mother at this stage was 76 and struggling to look after him. I called my brothers and sisters together, although very few of them turned up.

I told them that mum was struggling and her health was failing too, they didn't agree as she looked fine. I suggested between all of us we took it in turns to stay and help my mum through the night, as she wasn't getting any sleep. This lasted for a while, she then had to struggle again. I was struggling too, I lived down the road, so they all took it for granted that I would cope. I was very ill myself and working full time and had a child. So being woken up at 3am to help pick him off the floor or help change the wet or messy bed became quite exhausting.

My warnings were unheeded! My mum rang me help her as she wasn't feeling too good. I ran up the road to discover she was having a heart attack! I was then in a dilemma, I rang the ambulance but I couldn't go with her as my dad couldn't be left on his own. So I had to ring as many of the others as I could to arrange help for the next few days. The doctor decided she couldn't go home without getting some help for my dad. She had home
helps, but of course they only came during the day, so the nights became an ordeal again.

The envitable happened and she had another heart attack, and my dad was taken into hospital to receive care for his ill health. They never lived together after that. My dad died a month later. I can still remember him weeping for her not to be taken in the ambulance,even through all his confusion. Whilst she was in hospital I asked my family round for a chat to discuss how we could help them, whether physically or financially.

This was when my eyes were opened. I saw them in a different light, most of them for the better, but I was amazed how some of them quibbled about money and how it would effect their inhertiance or they weren't prepared to put their hands in their pocket. Between the 12 of us it wouldn't have been a hardship. One of them demanded that my mum came to live with me as I was only down the road, they didn't ask how I felt about it at all, or my husband. I was even accused of wanting their money for myself as I had helped them with it for so long. I had no more control or access than any of the others.

Watching some of them at the funeral and the fact that they hardly ever bothered with my mum after that, made my blood boil. One of them even emmigated without telling my mum, she heard it through someone else.

I was always so involved with all of them, and I was proud to be part of it all,but now I've learnt a very valuable lesson about jealousy, greed and loyalty since my dad died. I still keep in touch but don't feel so guilty if I don't visit or see them for a while. When a family is that big, it's diffuclt to be best buddies with all of them, the age gap is too wide and personalties are too different. It scares me to think what changes will occur should anything happen to my mum.

I don't think it's anything the parents can alter, children grow up and have their own opinions and
know how they feel about different siblings, the parents can't change that. My mum is always trying to keep everyone together and not let it fall apart, she couldn't try any harder..

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