Teenage pregnancy, there are many different views on this topic. I would like to share my opinion and story on this with you.
In the January of 2005 I met this lovely lad called Darrel, within a month we were an item. I couldn't off asked for a nicer guy, I had seen a few guys before but this was nothing really when I think about how me and Darrel were with each other. As time went on we went to festivals together and went on trips to London to seen bands. We couldn't off asked for a better relationship, not only was he my boyfriend, he became my best friend.
You know when the beginning of a relationship it really good, and then all of a sudden it starts to die down. Well within a year later this started to happen, we would argue more than anything. It got thought, but with no responsibility's this just became really silly so we treated ourselves to a holiday together away. May 2007 we took a trip to centre parks. And this made us realise that we had such a good relationship and that it is worth saving. Things were good for a couple of months after we went away and I told him we needed to talk. So there was him thinking I was going to split up with him. I broke down and told him I was pregnant. I then told him I had already gone to a doctor who worked out I was around 12 weeks pregnant. And I was keeping the baby. He was fine with this but was more in shock!
AT this time we didn't live together and couldn't afford to put down a deposit on a property. And they council houses were not an option in my opinion; round our area they aren't too nice and very rough. Not somewhere I would want to bring up a child.
So after telling family the same day no one was talking to me, 17 and pregnant! Well obviously this is the worst thing that could happen according to them. But I was in my own bubble, about to become a mummy, how amazing.
My father soon came round to the idea and asked if Darrel would like to move into our home so he can be a proper father to the baby. I thought this was a great idea but only on the condition it would be until we have saved up a deposit for a flat.
Feb 2008 my beautiful baby girl was born into the world at 2.31 in the afternoon. It was the most amazing experience in the world and Darrel was there for me thought the labour and birth! Amazing, daddy gave her first bottle to her. He even cried as he was so happy and proud of her. Isobel is now 4 years old.
8 months later we finally had saved enough to purchase a property of our own and we moved into a two bed flat.
I was so happy with my little family I wouldn't of had it any other way.
Then our relationship got rough again and we were ready to split up, but keep it friendly for Isobel's sake. We thought a family holiday would make take the stress of things, both working and barely getting any time together we thought it would do us some good.
Yeah as you guess a few weeks later I needed to talk to him again, our second baby was coming into the world, and on 5th march 2010, Freddie Jax was born at 10.52pm.
So at the age of 20 I had 2 children, slightly over being a teenage mum.
Then a surprise of Lillie rose came on the 7th September 2011 via C-section.
So I started at the age of 18, classed as a teenage mum. Obviously a bad mum due to my age!
But I have proved so many people wrong, yes I have had my kids young but I wouldn't have it any other way. And no they weren't planned, but it has brought everyone closer together.
My children are growing up fast and healthy! Isobel now attends playgroup and love it! Every night they have story's and get cuddles before bed.
Just because I'm a young mum doesn't mean I'm a bad mum!
I have the same facilities and work to earn money just like the older mums, it doesn't mean I'm less capable of looking after them.
I find this quite a touchy subject due to people who I went to school with really kicked up a stink. Saying I was wasting my life, well no not really, I enjoyed my free time before and no I don't go out drinking and wasting my money like a lot of 22 year olds do, but I have something so much more, a loving family who appreciate me, a beautiful home and a job that pays the bills.
I suppose I do miss little things like going out to see friends and being able to buy myself new clothes. But that's the things you need to push to one side once your babies are in the world, they are the most important thing.
And I must say my kids dress better than me! And they are happy and a lot more polite and well behaved than some of the other mums kids are the playgroup. So being a young mum doesn't really mean anything, as long as you've got your priorities in the right place.
This is a story I hold very close to me, but after seeing too much controversy on this topic I want to share it. At 16, my partner and I planned our now 7 month old daughter Angel-Mariah. I came off my Pill and we began trying. I fell pregnant 2 months later and my New Year we were pregnant - but didn't find out until 18th Jan 10. Our relationship was rocky because we hadn't been together very long when we decided and were still getting to know each other. But now we have been living together for 7 months and have a beautiful bouncy baby girl.
My man did everything for me during pregnancy and birth. He never left me in labor on my own and understood when I threatened to punch him if he didn't shut up when I was half way through labor :)
I really like the idea of being only 20 when my daughter is nearly 3, because I will still be able to keep up with her and wont have to sit down as much. My mum is 36 now and I am just turning 18, so she had me a bit older than I had Angel, but I love that she is young, because I feel closer to her in that way and have more of a laugh with her.
I don't see a problem with teen pregnancy at my age, but then there are 13-14 year olds getting pregnant and that I hate! I waited until I was legal to even contemplate sex let alone a baby! but then again it's not always there fault.. if you know what I am saying...
the thing about this that gets on my nerves are careless teens, those who go out 'doing it' and not using protection, falling pregnant and then aborting the baby. That really upsets me and from the age of 14 I always said no matter what, I will never abort a baby, and I never aborted my daughter.. it wasn't even an option for us.
But like my Family Planning Nurse once said.. ''if he can get it up, he can cover up!''
i was only 16 when i became pregnant and it was not planned. My initial reaction was to try and have an abortion as quick as i could before anyone found out i was shell shocked. After time to think things through properly i decided that an abortion was not what i wanted just a knee jerk reaction. When i look back i cannot even believe it myself that i considered an abortion.
i was very lucky to have a supportive family who have helped me tremendously with emotional support and advice. Although they were very shocked when i told them they were quick to support me whatever my decision. My son is now 13 and i know i made the right choice by having him and i have always strived to provide a very good life for him. I struggled at first with other peoples opinions which they were very vocal with! and with everybody gossiping about me behind my back. I still get people be very rude to me when they find out how old i am and figure it out themselves how young i was when i had him.
I think people are wrong to judge me as a parent because of my age, i gave up a lot to have my son and i think because many people thought i couldnt be a good parent (because of age) it made me even more determined to prove i am a good mum.
I would not advise any teenager to get pregnant at all as i think they should be out living there life first before having babies but please do not judge us all without knowing everybodies individual personal circumstances first
i would not have changed what happened for anything in the world my son makes me very proud to be his mum.
A teenage pregnancy is never going to be ideal really is it? But that's life and if it happens it happens.
I am speaking from experience here, I had my first son at 15, he was born in May and I was 16 in the August.
I finished school through a specially run parent and baby group and sat my first GCSE a week after having my son.
There's so many options available if you do get pregnant whilst still at school so your education needn't suffer, mine didn't I passed my GCSE's with A's and B's, my results were probably better than if I hadn't of been pregnant because I actually went to school and not bunking off!!
Being a teenage mum isn't easy but I wouldn't say it's any different to if you were in you 20's/30's etc. At the end of the day, you still have a baby to look after no matter what your age.
People do tend to put you into the stereotypical teenage mum scenario, which is the chavvy Vicky Pollard way. But this isn't always the case.
My son's father was working and supporting us whilst I was still at school, my mum begged me not to move out so soon, but I wanted time to get used to the idea of having a baby and wanted to get everything ready before he was born not faff about with all that stuff later on!
I didn't have any problems during my pregnancy but was told he was likely to be a big baby! I went 12 days over my due date, when they finally sent me into hospital, after having swipes etc.. they decided to break my waters...... 18 hours later I needed a section, he was stuck! I was falling asleep with the pethedine and he was drowsy too so I was rushed into theatre.
He was born at 4.46 am and after a while in the recovery suite I was taken up to the ward. By 12pm I was ready to get up out of bed, the nurses advised me to stay put until later on, I was up and out of bed by 5pm! The nurses were shocked but I like to think I was young enough to recover quickly. A woman opposite me in the ward, had her baby 3 days before mine, natural delivery but had been sterilised after and she refused to get up!
I was home 2 days later and was fine.
Looking after a house and a new baby is never going to be easy but we all have to cope and as you get used to things everything just gets easier.
I wouldn't really recommend anyone get pregnant so young, but if you do remember it's not the end of the world!
I have gone on to have 2 more sons, one at 18 then other at 21 and they were no different to the first time around, except people didn't look down at me so much!
Friends will always be there for you, so don't worry about missing out on doing things, you'll have plenty of time for fun another time. I was a typical teenager before getting pregnant, hanging around parks, drinking etc, but when I found out I was having a baby none of that seemed to matter anymore anyway and I found it rather childish!
I am now 31 years old and my son is 14 years old. So its pretty easy to figure out that I was a teenage mum. I have been happily married for 15 years and have a 10 year old daughter too.
I left school with a good set of GCSE's and started doing my A levels in science, english, art and general studies. To be honest I did not really have much idea what I was going to do with my life, i had vague ideas of being a radiologist, but to be honest i lacked direction.
I had been with my boyfriend for 3 months when i discovered I was pregnant. It was a complete shock but my boyfriend (now husband) and I decided to keep the baby. I remeber leaving a note for my mum behind the taps in the kitchen and then legging it off to college. When I got home my mum gave me a big hug and told me to do whatever I felt happy with. My mum told the rest of my family and there reactions were mixed but they all supported my decision.
I moved out of my mum's and into a one bedroom flat with my boyfriend. Yes it was a council flat but my boyfriend worked to support me, as I had left college due to feelinfg ill all the time, and we payed our own way i do remeber only having about £25 a week left for food and other stuff after we had payed all our bills.
I got a lot of help from my aunty who gave us her old cot, pushchair and baby clothes. When I was five months pregnant we moved into a two bedroomed flat above my mum. It was like living with my mum again but with a lot of independance.
My boyfriend and I got married when I was 3 months pregnant. We were going to get maried after the pregnancy but my family asked us to do it before. It was a fantastic day. I was not showing then so I wore a traditional wedding dress. When i look at the pictures now I look so young.
I remember feeling vagually uncomfortable while i was pregnant as I looked a lot younger than 16. I was only tiny with this massive bump. I felt as though people were staring at me in a disapproving way. If my boyfriend had not been so fantastic I don't think I would of had the confidence to leave the flat the whole time I was pregnant. My midwife was a horrible woman who made nasty little remarks every time I went to see her. I had to see her every couple of weeks and every time I was nervouse. The hospital visits for scans were a bit better but none of the other expectant mothers would talk to me.
When I finally went into labour, I was two weeks late, it was very fast. I woke up in the night with terrible back ache so i had a couple of paracetomol and my Husband ran me a warm bath. That did not help so I got out the bath and my husband ran down to the phone box to call the maternity ward, I did not want to bother my mum as it was six in the morning. The Hospital sent an ambulance so we grabbed my bag and I waddled of to the ambulance. All the neighbours were up by then because the ambulance had the sirens going so they waved me off.
The birth itself was quite easy and I had no pain relief as i don't like needles and the gas and air made me feel really unwell. My son was born at 10.35am and weighed 8lb 2oz. When the midwife tried to pass me the baby I would not hold him and wanted him washing first. Typical teenager. My mum was the first one to hold my son, then my husband, then me. The hospital let me go home the next day as I was very insistant that I was not staying.
The first few weeks went by in a blur of nappies, bottles and family visits.
I was so proud of my son, I think having a supportive Husband and close circle of family really helped me through what could of been a very tough time. When I look back at the pictures of my son and i when he was a small baby i look more like his big sister apart from the fact i look so tired. It amazes me even now how well i dressed him and how clean i kept him. I bathed him every night and thought nothing of changing his clothes every time he got even slightly dirty.
I had my daughter when I was 21 and that was a totally different experiance. I did not care when people stared at me, I still only looked 16 so i had a bump and a 4 year old at nursery. I new I was capable of looking after my child and doing a fantastic job of it. My Husband has always been brilliante and has worked constantly so I have been able to stay at home with the kids and do all the mum things.
I did not get pregnant for a flat or for benefits. My husband and I have both worked hard to get where we are today. Now that my children are older I have been looking into going back to college but because we are not on benefits the cost of a college course is just to much at the moment.
I'm glad i had children young as I am young enough to keep up with my kids and even when they have fully grown and left home I will have so much time and the energy to do what ever I want to do.
Im a teenage mum (18) have a 5month old daughter. Becoming pregnant was a shock for me and my partner. Telling our parents were hard but they were and still are very supportive. I was (and still are) working as a waitress and my partner was on job seekers allowance. This was the time of the recession and my partner was frantically looking for work.
Around 6months into my pregnancy i was suffering fainting in and out of work and as im an agency worker and do various shifts i have to put my health first and drop to a 4hour shift a week. This cut my pay quite drastically buy my boyfriend managed to get a full time job which enabled me to start my maternity leave. I went on maternity leave October the 18th 2009. My daughter wasn't due til January the 9th but came six weeks early and made her appearance 27th November (day after my partners birthday)
As she came so early my birthing plan went out the window and i had to do it how the doctors said. I was giving some kind of orange tablet to try and stop my labour. I had to have this every hour, it tasted like mouthwash and dyed my mouth orange. I had a monitor strapped on my stomach to monitor my daughters heart beat. This was very stressful as i wanted to walk around, i had to ask when i was the toilet and had to lye on my back for the whole thing. I also had to have an injection in my bum to help mature my daughters lungs. The doctor turned round to me and said "will give you 4 injections, 10 hours apart" I was horrified to think they would leave me lying on the bed, not able to eat drink or move for 40 hours.
When she was born she was put on my stomach for 30 seconds then taken to get her breathing started. After this they took her out the room down to the premature baby unit. I was left lying on the bed barely remembering what she looked like. I went back to a room where i could sleep, but it was about 10 minutes from my daughter. My partner wanted to stay with me but wosnt aloud so i was left in a room full of other women and there babies all by myself. The next morning i woke up and desperately wanted to see my daughter. A nurse took me down to see her. It was very strict and i had to wash my hands VERY WELL and every time i wanted to see her. My family and friends also had to wash their hands. The nurse looking after kaitlyn told me about how she'd been and when her needs feed was, she also told me i couldnt hold her. There were tiny little door around her incubator which you were aloud to put your hands into stroke her. I sat staring at her for ages, i didnt feel like a monther and felt like i coudlnt bond with her. When it came to food time i was aloud her out to feed her and had to put her straight back in, she had to have her nappy changed inside the incubator which was very hard as there was little space and she had alot of wires on. The next day she was moved into a different nursery (moved here once they are progressing) but still wasnt near me but i was now aloud a 5 minute cuddle. The day after that they decided she was well enough to come out of the incubator and we were both moved to a mother and baby room. There was me thinking i would be able to hold her, but i was very wrong. You wernt aloud to walk around with your baby and as my daughter had problems controlling her temperature she was on a special heated bed. She also had a high level of jawndess and had to go into a special incubator but was aloud to stay with me. She was in there for 24 hours. Me and my daughter were in hospital for 8 days when i finally got the all clear. I called my partner and he got us after work. We both took it in turns of holding her as much as possible for the first few days after she came home. I finally felt like a mother.
Through the whole of my pregnancy i had to see a specialist simple because i was a young mum and (apparently) many young mums have small unhealthy babies. The specialist was very horrible to me and made me out to be anorexic but ive always been slim. All of my blood tests came back perfect, i never smoked, drank or ate anything i was ment to during my pregnancy and Kaitlyn grew fine and had no problems what so ever. Even though her growth was fine i still had to be monitored closely incase she suddenly dipped in weight. Now 5months on i have a very smiley, very chunky little baby girl. When on her stomach she lifts her head very well and is always laughing. The health visitors are amazed at how well she is doing and call her "the little fighter".
Im looking to go back to work when in august as thats when my maternity allowance stops. We receive child and working tax credits becaue we are entitled to. I receive maternity allowance because i worked before my pregnancy. These are the only benefits we receive and have just got a flat. Not all young parents live of benefits and i think that stereotype needs to be wipe out. I hate the look i get when i walk down the streets, very similar to the look i got when i was pregnant. But i just ignore them but im the same as a middle aged mum, only younger.
I fully understand why people have a stereotypical image of teenage mums. The ones who look no older than 15 pushing their prams with filthy children inside. Clearly these mothers and probably their babies have no hope of ever becoming productive members of society. If im honest they disgust me the way they talk to their children, how many of them openly smoke while pregnant and infront of newborns (this is one of my biggest bugbears) and just the way you can tell they have no intention of ever bettering themselves. I feel sorry for the babies because most of them in 15 years time will be in the same position because this is what they have been taught is acceptable. You see them with two or 3 children who are clearly not looked after properly ie clean! I often think to myself if you had one child who you struggled with why the hell would you go on to have another and another. I think we all know the answer, it makes good financial sense to have 2 or 3 children and sit at home for 18 years collecting the benefit money. I have 2 children and would probably be better of financially if i didn't work. I am often ashamed to say i was a teenage mum myself but thats where the comparison ends. I had my first little girl at the grand old age of 17. The pregnancy was completly unplanned i was using contraception and had no intentions of ever becoming a mum so young. The relationship i was in was my first and we had only been together about 7 months when i found out i was pregnant. Anyway i was devestated i enjoyed my freedom and loved going out with my friends and just being a carefree teenager. I was at 6th form at the time studying 4 Alevels and had every intention to continue on to university. Well after much soulsearching we decided to keep the baby which in itself was the hardest decision i have ever had to make. The pregnancy went perfectly despite the dissaproving looks i received from strangers. These are looks i completly understand now. I went into labour one day overdue and had a completly uncomplicated 9 hour labour. Then i was handed my little girl and have never felt anything like the overwhelming rush of emotion. I fell madly and deeply in love with this little screwed up bundle of joy in my arms. Its indescribable how you feel when your handed your baby for the first time and it was no different for me because i was young. I found my soul mate that day and no one else could ever come close to stealing my heart like my little girl did. She was the most perfect baby i could have wished for, undeniably gorgeous looking and an absolute dream at night. I never had any fears that i couldnt look after her because of my age i took to motherhood like a duck to water and she honestly made it easy for me. She is now a very articulate and intelligant 4 year old who works hard at school and never forgets her manners. I continued my Alevels after she was born and passed them all. I have put off university for the time being but will definatly be persuing it some time in the future. I now work part time, mainly from home, so i am able to spend as much time with my children as possible. I also have a 1 year old. Thankfully i am still in a relationship with their dad and we have now been together for 6 years. He also works ridiculously hard for all the hours God sends to enable our children to have everything they need. We aren't your typical benefit scrounging family and i have always tried to teach my children the value of hard work. I would be absolutly devestated if either of my children got pregnant at a young age but i know it isn't the end of the world or your life. My children have taught me alot about life and myself as a person and im so glad i was a teenage mum. Im not nieve enough to say i havent missed out on anything because i know i have. I can't do alot of things other young people do like go out every weekend and alot of my closest friends have drifted away over the past four years but ive gained the two best friends anyone could ever wish for. My girls are my life and becoming a mum at 17 was the best decision i have ever made.
- Teenage Pregnancy -
I am a teenage mother (18 years old) I fell pregnant whilst I was still 17. I have been with my partner over 2 years and it was a shock when we found out that I was pregnant (took a while to sink in!) I had always wanted to be a hairdresser so was working in a top high street hairdressers at the time and was completing my NVQ. I decided that the long hours I was working weren't going to work around a baby if I was going to be a mother who would care for my own child as much as I can, so left the job and am currently carrying on finishing off my Level 2 hairdressing at college and plan to get a job as soon as becomes possible to work around our baby.
My partner works a lot of hours and has a mortgage on a flat he bought last year (which I am very proud of him for, as he is only 21!) which we now live in as a little family. The two of us decided to change our lives for the baby as we want to be great parents, we both sold our own cars and bought a family car together with the money (A renault Scenic).
Everyone always spoke of how difficult pregnancy is (which i had always been worried about) but to be honest I didn't find it too bad, I enjoyed being pregnant but as I am young (and probably look younger) was worried about what people would say or think of my bump! I did get terrible back ache throughout the pregnancy, and towards the end I had trouble sleeping at night (especially turning over!!) and even had to have some help getting up from the floor if i sat down, nothing too bad though.
I expected to get very fat throughout pregnancy, but only my belly grew bigger which I was pleased about, I did suffer with a lot of stretch marks on my belly, but they are gradually fading away now my baby is here.
I was most scared about giving birth! The more I thought about it and the nearer the due date got, the more worried I became! I was due on the 8th of June..... But a VERY stressful 9 days later (17th June) I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. The labour was 16 hours in total, and the contractions were awful (much more painful than I had ever imagined) I had to be rushed in an ambulance during the 16 hour labour (I'm sure I was going to give birth in that ambulance!) And had a terribly painful time when she was coming out! It was worse than I had in mind! But so worth every bit.
In my case of teenage pregnancy I think that I did the right thing to go through with it all as I am in a stable long term relationship, both families all behind us, a lovely home and have a manageable income due to my partner working. Our daughter will have a lot of love and time spent with her which I think will be a lovely upbringing.
I do not think teenagers who become pregnant without any money of their own or any stability should go through with a pregnancy as it would probably not be a very nice upbringing for the child which in my opinion is very unfair on an innocent child. I think a lot more information about contraception needs to be told to teenagers everywhere! Thats my own review (not in full detail due to privacy) of what I have personally been through in my teenage pregnancy, and what I think of teenage pregnancies.
I have decided to share my very personal story surrounding teen pregnancy because although every story is unique in some way, I'm not sure I will ever find anyone who can relate to every aspect of my experience. I will begin by saying I am now 25, so a lot of the events in this story took place a few years ago now, starting from when I was just 15.
I was certainly not your stereotypical chavish teenager who put it about a lot, ended up getting pregnant in order to claim benefits and never do a days work, as you often see portrayed in the media. I don't think anybody that knew me would have predicted this would happen to me. I was more of a hippieish tomboy. I was bright and although I hated school and really didn't try hard at all, I did very well in my exams. I was a bit of a misfit among others my age (apart from fitting in with the misfits lol), but I knew my place and accepted it. I was not loudmouthed (maybe a bit smart-mouthed to others my age at times, ie using my intelligence to win an argument not just shouting swear words. I was also notorious for using humour in inappropriate places). My family were poor yet never claimed benefits, they always found a way of making their own money. Not really how teen mums are depicted at all. Whether the stereotype is wrong or right is open to debate I guess, just not here.
However, I was being abused. My father had an awful temper and had given me many injuries throughout my childhood. My mother did a wonderful job of covering up for him, manipulating me into thinking it was all my fault and that if I told I would end up in care. I wouldn't say I was aware that I desperately craved a father figure or anything, but deep down I probably did. This is where Jim came in.
There was a derelict car park that me and a few other youngsters used to hang around in, all of us were a bit misfit so we had lots in common lol. Sadly, the other thing we had in common was that we were nearly all being abused by members of our families. Two of them in particular were my oldest friend (who I have now been friends with for 21 years), a boy who had been terrorised by his older brother (who probably had something wrong with him in truth) and beaten regularly by his step-father, and my best female friend, a girl who had been sexually abused by her uncle since the age of four. We rarely talked about this, yet it was just something we knew about each other. I don't remember any lengthy discussions about what was happening to each of us, just things like my friend showing me inappropriate text messages her uncle had sent her, my other friend telling me how he had played a joke on his step-dad only to get a severe beating for it (yet he believed it was worth it), and the others noticing some very large bruising to my arm etc. I think we all lacked a stable male influence in our lives, so we found it in Jim.
Jim lived in one of the houses that backed onto the car park. He was in his late fifties. He had a wife in her late sixties who suffered dementia and also couldn't walk without help. He seemed lonely yet friendly and he used to come out into his garden when we were outside and talk to us. He told us lots of elaborate stories about himself e.g he had been found in a suitcase with his twin brother as a baby, he slept in a coffin, he had a ghost and a witch living in his house etc. Some of the younger kids were gullible enough to believe him, the older ones just tended to go along with what he said, as however far-fetched his stories were, they were interesting and well-told. I think it was nice to have an adult who wanted to spend time with us, was interested in our lives and provided us with entertainment. This entertainment later became inappropriate.
He began tempting us in his house with various "offers". Cigarettes, alcohol, food, somewhere warm during the cold weather, somewhere to hide when skiving from school, access to his "computer room" (he had two computers and a playstation, things none of us had at home). Then once he had built up our trust he began touching us (the girls) inappropriately. I don't want to go into details of this, only that it was rarely on the inside of our clothes, apart from on occasion our breasts. He made it feel like we encouraged it, that it was our fault (a familiar feeling to me - blaming myself). By the time I had reached 17 I was however starting to question the things he said and the way he behaved, as were others in the group (minus my best female friend who would hear no wrong against him). It was then he began picking us off, one by one "banning" certain friends from being in our group until it was just me, my oldest friend and my beat female friend.
Myself and my oldest friend were about a year or so older than my best female friend. We left school and began making progress with our lives. Somewhere along the line my oldest friend got pushed out of the group and just myself and my best female friend remained. Things were starting to get nasty, Jim was telling me it was bad I was growing up and that I should remain a child like he had. I was beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable around him and got tired of his stories (which had become brutal and aggressive in nature and if anyone dared question them they were met with a brutal and aggressive attitude). I didn't however want to leave my friend alone with him. She was a lot more naive than me and easily manipulated, and I was worried for her. I did feel however that she was being manipulated to against me and I knew it was only a matter of time before I was eliminated from the "group" (if you could even call it that at this stage), and once again I felt rejected, just like I had been from my family.
I tried to concentrate on other things. I had joined a theatrical course which was going well and I liked the people on my course and the teachers too. Then one day a new lad joined us. Will. I wasn't keen on him really. He had an arrogant attitude and was constantly staring at my breasts. One day he started trying to be friendly and I thought maybe I had misjudged him. However I then heard from someone else he was likely to be in prison the following week. He asked me out and I sort of said "maybe next week or something yeah?" thinking he would be banged up so I could just skip out of that one lol. Two weeks later though he was back. Not in prison at all. I have no idea what happened or why but he certainly hadn't been sent away. So when he invited me round to his house I felt I "had to". It was not a good day for me anyway. The next day was to be my Grans funeral, who I was devastated had died as she was the only person in my family I felt I could relate to. Due to everything that was happening I felt emotionally unstable. So when Will was all pushy-pushy-let's-have-sex, I gave in. After all the manipulation and abuse I had suffered from Jim I felt that I had no right to say "no" to Will. Perhaps part of me just really wanted to be loved, although I'm not totally sure as all I can remember was hating it, and wishing it to be over. Less than half an hour later, Will was arrested. I have no idea why. I didn't know the area I was in and I walked what seemed like miles to the train station to get the train home feeling dirty and emotionally drained. I hoped I would never see Will again. I remember throwing up from the stress of it all. Funnily enough I never told anyone about Will or what had happened upon returning and for weeks later.
About a month later (I had not seen Will at all in all this time) I confided in my best female friend (we were still allowed to be friends at this point) that I had not had a period for six weeks. I had been on the contraceptive injection to stop my periods but had come off of it just before the event with Will and didn't know whether it would still be effective or not, or more importantly whether I had been protected or not. She encouraged me to get a pregnancy test and marched me round to Boots to get one. We then went back to her house where she made me drink several glasses of water until I needed a wee and ordered me into her bathroom. I remember thinking "I can't be. It wouldn't happen to me." and then seeing the blue line appear. It wasn't even a faint blue line, you know a "maybe-maybe-not". There was no doubt about it. I called out my friends name and then told her, "I'm pregnant". This is one of my most prominent memories and probably always will be. For two reasons. One is obvious really, being pregnant at 17 is a huge deal. Two is now whenever I look at my child I am reminded of this day. I am reminded of my friend. She's dead now. Jim killed her. I remember her comforting me, ringing her very nice aunt to come and talk to me and offer support and be there when I rang my mother. I remember walking with me through the car park where she informed Jim we had to go and explained why, whereupon he had his excuse to eliminate me. I was a "bad influence" on my friend now. He also started rambling on about how he had been having premonitions that I would kill one of them (kind of ironic) and that if I stuck around people would "assume the baby was his" (not that this was at all possible. Guilty conscience perhaps?). I was upset. It was too much to take. And to top it all when I got home my mother was there insisting I have an abortion or move out as I had "disgraced her family". And I was forbidden from telling my father.
The next day I was marched to the doctors where my mother ranted at the doctor to convince me to have an abortion (which she did surprisingly). I was then referred straight up to the hospital where I was examined and the like and asked privately what I wanted to do. I said I didn't know, which was my honest answer. This doctor said I needed to be given time to think about what I really wanted and mustn't be influenced by anyone else. He then went and explained this to my mother, who began ranting and raving that my father would never allow it, but the doctor said to her these words that have stuck with me ever since "Families should stick together and support each other through the bad times, that's my opinion". My mother was speechless and looked extremely guilty. Ha. She still tried to bully me all the way home regardless but I kept reminding her what he had said.
I hadn't planned to tell Will in all honesty. If I had gone down the abortion route it probably would have been better not to really. Will had a violent temper as I later found out. If I was going to keep it I thought it might be better to just avoid him altogether, he didn't have a phone and he was no longer on my course so it would have been easy enough. On the off-chance that we did run into each other I could have easily told him it was someone else that had "done the deed" however bad that made me look. However, I made the mistake of confiding in someone from my course who turned out to be the wrong person to do so. She "happened" to bump into Will and "accidently" told him. He then obtained my number from somebody else and phoned me asking to meet for a chat. I knew he knew. I also knew I now had to tell him the truth. When we met he seemed like he desperately wanted to change his ways and become a wonderful father. Partly, he told me, because he had never met his own dad (which was the truth) and partly because he was dying of a brain tumor (which, I later found out, was a lie). I felt awful and decided I couldn't live with myself if I deprived a dying man his chance to be a father, which he told me was his "dream". I guess I also excused his previous behaviour, thinking it was due to his "brain tumor".
Well, things went from difficult to terrible. My mother told my dad the truth and he announced he wanted me out of the house and that he was no longer going to speak to me (which he stuck by, and never uttered a word to me throughout my pregnancy) because I had brought "shame on the whole family". Even though it seemed that my friend was sticking by me rather than Jim, he was bombarding her with phone calls and gifts to lure her away from me. Thanks to Will and his friend he soon had the ultimate excuse. I agreed that Will and his friend could come to where I lived and meet with up me and my friend. It didn't seem to go too badly, in fact Will's friend and my friend seemed to be getting along well and eventually began a relationship. It was short-lived though. On one particular visit Will asked if he could borrow my mobile phone to ring his mum and let her know when he was coming home. I agreed but was horrified when he dialed 999 and handed it to his friend who asked for a fire engine, and an ambulance to be sent to my friends address (she was at her house at the time). They thought it was hilarious, I did not and told them I was going home. Too late. We were sat right outside the police station and the police soon appeared and stopped us all. The police radioed the dispatcher who took the call and asked her to dial the number which had been displayed - mine. The phone started ringing so of course I was initially blamed until the dispatcher said it had been a male voice. I had my phone confiscated for evidence none the less as both lads were blaming each other, so it had to go to court etc. Needless to say after this Jim had grounds to say I was in with a bad lot, at which point my friends mother agreed and we were stopped from seeing each other. Why she was happy for her daughter to carry on hanging around this old man alone is beyond me. She got pregnant herself a year later. By him. When her son was four he murdered them both.
So, without having my best friend around, and my family being generally unsupportive, I was left to deal with the pregnancy alone. The pregnancy itself was difficult. From the very start I was violently sick all through the day, not just the morning, and this went on for the whole nine months. It was strange what sort of things would trigger it off too. Certain music would have me puking all over the place, and one time when I was on the train I heard somebody say "bitter", which for some odd reason repulsed me and made me throw up all over the train seat. It was horrible. I didn't show for at least four months, and wasn't noticeably pregnant until I was over six months gone. Where I had been a gymnast and other such things I was very flat and have a tiny frame anyway. This meant I didn't have to tell people if I could possibly avoid it. I had to tell my boss at the supermarket I worked in part time fairly early on as I kept having to run off to be sick. Instead of handling the situation sensitively he told another girl I worked with, who started bullying me. I remember arriving at work one day to be greeted by her smirking face. "I hear you're pregnant" she said. "Yes" I replied "Who told you that?" to which she informed me "It's none of your business who told me". I was absolutely gobsmacked! My personal life was being gossiped about yet it was none of my business?! Normally I would have set her straight but I was so distraught that I walked out. Seeing how I had only told my boss I attempted to report him for breach of confidentiality, but he got away with it by claiming I must have told someone else, and being that he was in a higher position, he got believed. Of course my life at work was then made absolute hell. I was told I was "spoiling the shops reputation" by being a pregnant teenager and other nonsense. I was often forced to clock off on the machine earlier than I finished, as I was told I had been useless to them so my pay should be less. I wondered at the time why they didn't just sack me, but I realise now that they didn't have any grounds to, so bullying me into leaving was their only option. And it worked. After four months of this I handed in my resignation and claimed maternity money and got a maternity grant on the advice of my midwife.
This whole time I was going through hell Will hadn't bothered finding work. He claimed job seekers allowance, which was a joke as he had no interest in working (and still doesn't). He didn't offer to pay for any of the baby equipment either, preferring to spend his entire giro on himself. Our relationship was not great either. He was often nasty to me verbally, ruining my self esteem. He had also started to get physical. I remember the first time he began this behaviour. We were in his bedroom at his mothers house where he was doing his usual act of putting me down verbally. On this occasion I had not responded, I was doing my best to ignore it. He then started spitting at me and holding my hands away so he could spit straight in my face which he thought was hilarious. All of a sudden he grabbed my head and pushed me down, then started pushing my head backwards off the edge of the bed. He got right in my face and told me he could easily break my neck from here. I was terrified. He eventually let me go and I burst into tears. He started laughing and said it had all been a joke. I tried to leave but he then turned on his own tears saying he had only done it because his mum had beaten him with a mobile phone charger, and that his gran had stamped on his chest causing internal bleeding when he was eight (which I strongly doubt). I was miserable.
When I had my scan at five months I asked to know the sex. When I found out I was having a boy I didn't know how to feel. On the one hand I would have preferred a boy because I'm just not a girly girl, but on the other hand I didn't want a monster like his father. The other problem I had was the naming. I really wanted to call him "Dylan" after Bob Dylan (my favourite lyricist), but my mother told me that I couldn't call him that. She said if he was living in "her house" she had a right to have a say in what he would be called. She liked the name "Jamie" and Will wanted to call him "James" after his grandad (which I didn't as it reminded me of Jim), so I thought to keep the peace I had better call him "James" officially and "Jamie" as a nickname, which is terrible really as he was MY child.
Everything was very hazy during my pregnancy, it was like being in a cloud. A daze. Even during the final months of pregnancy (by which time I looked like Mr.Skinny from the Mr.Men when he eats a lot and gets a little "bump" lol) I was trying to carry on as normal. I was still doing my course and still tomboying around. One time I did my usual trick of climbing up onto the porch roof and through the bathroom window when my mother spitefully locked me out. It was a pretty stupid thing to do and I remember being worried I had banged my belly and that I may lose him, but it wasn't the case. On the exact date I was due to give birth (at around 1am) I was sitting downstairs doing my usual watching rubbish made-for-tv movies to make me feel tired (I had trouble sleeping constantly due to kicking in my belly lol), when I felt this huge BANG in my belly. This was no kick (as was evident by the puddle in my pants heh). It was so weird, after months of feeling all hazy-dazy, in that moment everything became clear as a bell. I called my mum who rushed me to the hospital where I was in labour for nineteen and a half hours due to the baby being stuck and coming out the wrong way.
I arrived at the hospital at 1.30am, Will strolled in at 10.30am where he promptly flopped all over the floor and announced how tired HE was. Being in pain and in a safe place gave me the courage to give him the sharper end of my tongue. I could tell he was fuming but I didn't care. I remember I didn't have the midwife I had come to know during the pregnancy, but some stroppy cow who kept telling me off for shouting during the contractions, and told me I was far too young to be having children anyway (although this was rude either way, she actually assumed I was about 14 or 15 as I have always looked fairly young for my age, which I'm sure will be great when I'm older, but can be annoying when you want to be taken seriously and people think you're just a kid lol). I was given gas and air which genuinely, no joke made me hallucinate hundreds of leprachauns running around which I found distressing lol. Will decided to take two massive gulps of the stuff and then announced "I think I'll just....float over hear for a while" and then fell right on top of me. I was annoyed needless to say but the midwife was furious! In the end I was told I would need an epidural and the baby would then be pulled out by ventouse (a vacuum like contraption), as I was too tired to push and the baby was large and seemed to be stuck, so it was off to theatre for me. As I was also on oxygen by now, everything was a blur after that. I do remember struggling to breathe at one point but that's about it.
That is until he was born. My baby. There is no feeling like it, the love was instant. He was kind of thrown at me, his eyes were wide open and he was screaming the place down but he was mine. All 8lb 8oz of him. I barely took any notice of Will yelling "Is it twins?" When the placenta came out. All I knew was now, however young I was, whatever terrible stuff had happened to me (and would continue to happen, but that's another story), I had to keep this little guy safe. I finally had a purpose in my miserable existence. Yes there would be tough times ahead along with plenty of discrimination (Wow you're SO YOUNG! And: You're not SERIOUSLY breast feeding are you?!) but something told me it was all worth it, even if I didn't always keep that thought in my head.
He really was the making of me. And our story is far from over.
im 16 on the 28th of this mounth and im due to have a baby boy in september i have looked after kids and babys for years and i know what i have to do with my own i dont rely on people who pay tax my babys dad works and has a good pay whitch we can surpport our baby. i wouldnt change what i have done for the world but i sometimes wish i had waited. we didnt plan for me to get pregnant but these things happen. i know that my parents will not be paying for everything this is my baby and mine and the babys dads doing we have to learn the hard way. i have things sorted for what i will be doing after the baby is born i will be goin to collage and making a good home for my baby by steph
In my opinion, the whole topic of teenage pregancy is a sensitive one, and one that not many people want to talk about. But it has gotten to the point where something needs to be done. I mean if you look in the papers recently you will have read about the 13 year old dad. How can a child be a parent, as after all, that is what he is a dad. In general, I think that is you are going to get pregnant under the age of 16, then you need to pay the consequences, after all I dont believe in abortions, as I believe that it is wrong and the easy way out.
Not many parents actually sit down with their children and have a convseration on this subject, which I think is wrong. Dont get me wrong, I'm not blaming the parents, not at all, but I think that a little more education could be the answer. If these teenagers knew exactly what they were getting themselves into, maybe they would think twice. It isnt just the responsibiltiy aspect of it, but also the finanical. It wont be the parents who pay for their baby, but us as a tax payer. I am not saying that teenagers made back parents, not at all, there are some brilliant parents out there, and thats including boys, but the ones who think that they can still lead a normal life after having a baby at such a young age are kidding themselves and if that is the case, shouldnt be having a baby at all. I could go on and on, but I think that I have expressed my feelings on this subject quite clearly.
Firstly I should mention that I am 23 years of age and I have no children. You're now asking yourself why I'm writing on this topic! Well after reading through several accounts I thought I would give an account but from a different viewpoint.
My sister was 17 when she found out she was to be expecting. I received a very cryptic call and was told to return home (6 hour train journey) as soon as possible. It was midnight before I reached home and slumped on the sofa. I knew something big was going on as the family were tense and my sister was in a seriously cranky mood. They'd made her wait up for me getting home, which was unusual. When she told me, my first thought was that this was some kind of sick joke and I was silently furious, the longer the silence continued the more I realised that this was reality. It was followed by hugs and quiet words of congratulations before she hurried off to bed.
That night I didn't sleep, I lay awake thinking of what I'd got up to between the ages of 17 and 21, all the places that I'd visited and all the mad, random things my friends and I had done. It would be so much harder for her and her partner of 3 years, they would miss out on so much (or so I thought, I was wrong).
The next day I was rather quiet and I watched everyone as they found out the news, the fear in my sisters eyes at having to wait for yet another disappointed reaction. At this time in our life my sister and I weren't very close, arguments over the years and generally being complete opposites had made it hard for our relationship to be anything more than blood sisters. That all changed in a second that day.
I realised that my sister needed someone to talk to about the positives of having a child, someone to share and bring out that excitement that she was so desperate to show. So I kickstarted it, and anyone that upset her by being negative (realistic was allowed as long as it was in a positive manner) suffered my wrath. I've worked in finances since I was 17 and I knew that the matter of housing, transport, child costs needed to be discussed but she didn't need more questions thrown at her, she needed help with the answers.
That weekend my sister and I were sharing a hotel room on our family weekend away. When we were alone we'd talk about baby, names, how I would be the best auntie in the world to that wee person and I would make sure that he/she knew she was loved from the word go. I was having no one refer to that child as a mistake and I was never going to let that child think that for even a second his/her family hadn't been excited about their life! But most of all we talked about how she was going to be a good mum. I'd noticed when she thought no one was looking that smile when she held her tummy, I'd heard her talking to her tummy in the shower and most of all I'd seen the change which happened in an instant when she went from a teenager to a mother when that doctor confirmed what was happening.
For some reason, I was the poor soul that got the stories of the less 'magical' parts of pregnancy, gore and all, but it brought us closer. We laughed our way through the NHS-issued hospital books that were older than us both and we talked about it everything. I mean everything - we sorted out a lot of what had happened over the years, explaining our actions, our feelings and why we reacted the way we did. By the time she was 20 weeks, we were more like best friends than sisters.
My excitement during those weeks had spread and soon everyone was dropping off 'a little something for the baby.' We had all pulled together and found my sister a little two bedroom house, she bought my mum's car off her as it was more suitable for baby seats and she was holding down two jobs.
The closer the due date came, the closer we got. I saw the dirty looks that people threw in her direction when we walked through the High Street and she was covering her bump, yet there were no second glances towards younger girls pushing prams. What is the difference? I wanted to wrap her up and protect her from it all. I grew very protective of her and often returned the glares exclaiming loudly at the rudeness of people. (I have no shame!) I'd soon have her laughing and giggling again, explaining that the dirty looks were because she was heavily pregnant and running about in size 6 jeans.
Her due date arrived and right on time, she went into labour. RJ was born at 8pm that night with a very straightforward labour. I wasn't allowed to visit her until the next morning and I don't think I slept that night between excitement and nerves.
When I walked into that room my first thoughts were my sister, she was pale and tired. I was heading to sit down next to her when she nodded towards the cot in the corner and I stopped dead in my tracks. I just stood and looked at him, he was perfect (coming from the lass that HATED to be around any child under the age of 5). I didn't want to move him or wake him but then those big blue eyes opened and I melted.
Holding him in my arms, I felt everything that I feel for my sister but a million times stronger. I would give this child anything he wanted, protect him from everything I could and love him as much as my heart would let me. It's the most overpowering rush of emotion and adrenaline I have ever felt, here was this little person that I'd only just met but I already loved him as if I'd known him forever. I promised him there and then that I would always be there for him. Feeling that as an auntie, I can't even begin to guess at how much stronger that must be for a mother holding her child for the first time.
My sister was contacted during her maternity leave by her main job and asked to return to work a bit earlier as they were promoting her to manager. Putting her priorities in line, it was best in the long run if she accepted. By the time RJ was 6 months old, my sister was a branch manageress of a national company, reaching her weekly targets with ease, a house owner and had her own little car. She'd achieved more than people twice her age can hope to achieve.
Things are different now, those that were cynical at the start adore that wee boy. It's hard to believe that they doubted my sister's ability as a mother, that they were disappointed in her for something out with her control. Only one person has used the 'mistake' word when referring to my nephew's life since and she will never dare utter it near my ears again. I will not stand for it. Yes he was unplanned, but NEVER a mistake.
Comparing her life to mine during the ages 17-21, yes they are drastically different but both of us were just as happy as each other. Our priorities were very different but now we have the same one at the top - RJ. That child has changed all our lives and that change is definitely for the better.
My sister and her partner are now expecting baby number 2! This time was totally different for them. They were able to tell everyone without worrying how they would react and I'm so happy that this was the case. Everything will be different this time for them, but I stand the same, my sister and her children come before everything in this world for me (much to the disgust of my husband).
This has turned out to be quite an essay but if you've managed to get to this point, thank you for reading. I suppose I needed to vent about my experiences with the more narrow-minded in our society, those I've felt the need to protect both my sister and my nephew from. I want people to realise that age is not a factor, because regardless of whether you are 17 or 37 if you put that child before anything else and try your hardest to meet his/her needs, but most of all love them more than anything then you will be a great parent.
I am glad reading the reviews that no-one actually seems to be giving teenage mums a hard time. It is a hard job, as it is for any mum, but it has it's benefits as well as negatives.
I was technically classed as a teenage mum. I was 18, but thought of myself as in a different situation, as i'd been with my partner for well over 2 years, and I already had my own house, so wasn't relying on others for everything.
I found the comments and disparaging remarks so hurtful during my pregnancy. Yes, I was young, and yes, I had got caught pregnant by mistake (problems with the pill, won't happen again!), but does that make it OK th judge me? We decided we were keeping the baby, faced up to the facts, and dealt with i ourselves. We paid for everything for our dauhter ourselves, except the pram, which my mum bought. My mum also did this for my 26 year old brother, but I was the one that people made comments about, surprise, surprise!
On the plus side, I found the medical profession to be very helpful during my pregnancy and after the birth. I had various problems during the pregnancy and had to be scanned every two weeks, as well as ending up in hospital with other problems every few weeks, and I found that almost all of the midwives, doctors and health visitors were absolutely great. The only time I found them to be unhelpful was when I said I had decided not to breastfeed after my daughter was born. I felt they were very disapproving of that, and found it easier to 'tell me off', because I was younger than them.
On the whole, I feel I am a better person for being a young mum. While people of my age are still spending weekends and all their money partying, drinking and sleeping around, I work full time, own my own home and car and have a happy, healthy 5 year old. How can that be a bad thing?
I am not a teenage mum myself I gave birth at the age of 22 and wouldn't change it for the world. Not being a teen mum you may wonder why I am posting on here so here is my story
I gave birth to by baby boy just days after my 22nd birthday, I myself do look very young for my age so people treated me as if I was a silly little girl that had got myself pregnant and didn't have the brains to abort it, if people weren't so ignorant they may take the time to see that I was not like that and many teenage mums are not like that.
One of the hardest things for me bringing up my little boy was the looks and the sarcastic comments you get from passers by they made me feel very uneasy and self conscious like I had done something wrong. When my little boy was 7 months old his dad and I took him on holiday to Devon for a week as we thought it would be a nice break for all of us. I was walking down to the shop with my little boy when some bloke walked out of the shop and shouted "look at her its like shelling peas these days" and still to this day that comment hurts me, not because what he said offended me as such as I just took it as some ignorant comment and let it pass but more so because I didn't stand up for myself and it made me feel like because I looked young everyone was judging me and thinking that I couldn't make a good mother. The comments made me feel like I had done something wrong and I know that I was more able to bring up a child a lot better than people far older than myself.
I myself have a well paid job, I own my own house and 2 cars, I had worked hard to get the money together to go on holiday and it makes me so angry that people think that because I look young I got pregnant to get a council house and a lot of benefits, I had been with my partner for just over 4 years when my little boy came along so it wasn't like I didn't know who the father was or I was irresponsible, my son has everything he wants he never goes without anything and I will do anything I can to make sure that this never changes.
I myself don't think it matters how old you are if you have it in you to be a good parent you will be, My parents were 24 and 25 when they had me and I believe that they went in the right state of mind to have me or my little brother that came along 4 years later. We were sent to my grandparents 3 nights a week and every weekend, when we were a bit older and didn't want to go to our grandparents anymore we were sent to our rooms when my parents had friends over again this was nearly every weekend, with my son I want to spend every possible minute with him he comes out with me where ever I go and I do not let my parents have him as I believe that when I am off work this is my time with him.
It is not about how you look, or how you are perceived by others, Age I don't think is even a factor and just think it is pure ignorance that people can't look beyond these things to see that teen mums can be as good if not better than older mums.
I hope that I didn't rant on too much and this makes sense as when I read other reviews and think about the stigma attached to teen parents it makes me so angry
You never think its going to happen to you. Well it did!!
I was 16 and had been seeing my boyfriend since we were 14 and we were so loved up, we actually thought we would be together forever. I didnt have a clue i was pregnant, it was my mum who noticed something wasnt right.
I was still taking my periods so in my head there was no way i could be pregnant. BUt my mum said i just had a different Air about me and made me take a test. Low and behold, i was most definately pregnant. To say i was devastated would be putting it mildly. And whe i told my boyfriend, he hung up the phone to me.
After we all got over the inital shock, i got used to the idea and got excited. My parents were fantastic, they helped me out so much and i stayed at school who also supported me in my studies. After my son was born nothing could have prepared me for how much my life would change. Needless to say i never stayed with his daddy, he still sees him now but he was quite useless at being there for him when we needed him.
i managed to finish school with my parents help which i was was lucky to have done. There were some hard times, when i had to watch my friends outside on the weekend heading to parties and going out to clubs and things like that. I felt really left out, but my somn always had to come first. It was hard to meet boys because some got jealous of your relationship with your child. But nothing compared to watching son smile at me and seeing him taking his first steps and saying Mummy and reaching for me.
i wouldnt recommend being a teenage parent to anyone, its so hard and nothing can prepare you for it. However if your already pregnant, then i would advise you speak to someone, a parent, a teacher or a doctor, because there are so many organisations that can help you in your situation. And you would be suprised how understanding some parents can be if you just go to them and tell them whats going on. And remember that being pregnant young doesnt ruin your life, it just puts it on hoild for a few years. And being a good parent is the greatest thing you could ever achieve.