PREGNANT AT 13.....AND AGAIN AT 16 (Teenage Pregancy)

Member Name: kalliemaile

Product:	Teenage Pregancy
Date:	20/08/04 (8254 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It can be a positive thingg for some people

Disadvantages: It can be a very bad thing for some people

Teenage pregnancy is an issue tht everyone has something to say about and usually its something bad. I have personal experience of teenage pregnancy which I would like to share with everyone, maybe what I have to say wont sway the negative views that people have but I want people to hear my side of the story.

I first became pregnant at the age of 13. I dont come from a broken home, my parents dont treat me badly, my family are not poor and I didnt have an unhappy childhood. So I am not the stereotypical teenage mother. My mother and I had a very good relationship and have always been able to talk openly anbout sex and relationships, when I started my periods at the age of 10 I was able to talk to my mum about it and felt safe and happy with the changes I was going through as a young woman.

I wasnt sleeping around when I became pregnant infact the day I lost my virginity was the day I became pregnant. Unfortunatly no I was not in a relationship with the father of my baby, he was older than I was and I felt very under pressure when he had instigated sex with me, I said no but pressure over ruled and what happened happened. I didint see him again after that day and could contact him only by phone.

I knew immidiently when I was pregnant because my periods were like clock work. Despite the relationship I had with my mum I couldnt bring myself to tell her. In a way I was glad to be pregnant, it wasnt like some people might suggest that I had a lack of love and wanted someone to love, but I just felt an instant bond with my baby and I knew there was no chance I would even think about a termination, I wanted my baby from the minute I knew he was there. Some people say that at such a young age it isnt possible to know what you want without the guidence of an adult, but what I do know is that no guidence can compare to your true feelings, I didnt want people to tell me it would ruin my life or that I wasnt ready for a baby, afterall how could they
know what is best for me, my natural instict was that I was doing what was right by keep ng my baby. Dont get me wrong, I didnt by any means think that I would have a perfect easy life with no problems, I knew I would have trouble finishing my education, I would take longer to get into the job I wanted, I would have someone dependent on me for the rest of my life but at the end of they day its not the end of the world. There will be setbacks no matter how old a mother is, it cant be avoided.

I had my first scan at 12 weeks and had still not brought myself to tell my mum I was pregnant so I took a friend from school with me. The staff at the hospital were very nice to me, I think they could tellhow nervous I was, I was relieved to find that none of the other parents to be in the waiting room were stareing at me, although I guess it helped that I looked alot older than my age.
When I went into have my scan I couldnt believe that the tiny baby on the screen was growing inside me and I felt overwhelmed with emotion, at that stage I realsied I needed my mum. The emotions that any person feels when they are pregnant are difficult to deal with because the attatchment to your child is like nothing else you will ever feel and I think its important to have some one to share those feelings with.

I spoke to the school nurse who offered to come with me to tell my mum I was pregnant but I felt it was something I had to do myself. Im not really sure why I was so worried , I think maybe my biggest fear was that she would be disappointed in me, or disappointed that I would not be able to continue with a care free childhood. My mother fell pregnant with me at the age of 17 so I knwe she would be my biggest help and be able to understand how I felt. When I told her I waited for her response and was so happy to hear her say "oh you silly girl" that night I slept in the same bed as my mum and talked about the changes that would be happening to my body, l
ife and emotions. She asked me weather I wanted to keep the baby and there was no pressure to have a termination, her own parents had tried to force her to have a termination when she was pregnant withme and I knew she would never but me through the torment she had experienced herself.

From the minute my mum knew everything seemed to feel so much better, she came into my school with me and explained the situation to my head of year who was very unhappy about it all and said she did not wish to for me to continue with my education she also told me I was not to tell anyone I was pregnant and if anybody asked I was to deny it, she told me I had to buy a bigger school jumper and hide my bump and that I was to consider continueing my education either at home or in college. My mum had to contact the head of education for our county who arranged a meeting to discuss what would happen withmy educational future, I was very pleased to hear there was no reason why I could not continue normal education at my school for as long as I felt able, and when things started to get too much for me a special plan was to be made to support me and help me stay in education for as much of my pregnancy as possible.

The other people at school where mainly okay, the other girls would come and touch my tummy, some of the boys seemed genuinly interested to, of course there were some that called me names and slagged me off but I saw that as their problem not mine, they just needed to grow up.
Towards the end of my pregnancy I developed pre-eclampsia and going to school became more and more difficult, I was very tired and wasnt coping too well so I had a support teacher who did my classes seperatly to the other classes if I was feeling run dow and I was allowed to spend my break time indoors if I wanted to. I was entitled to 18 weeks maternity leave just like a working mother and I timed it so I would finish my maternity leave at the start of the holidays so I could spend as
much time with my son as possible. Eventully my pre-eclampsia stopped me going to school but I had a home teacher provided by the education council.

I had a very difficult labour and was induced early due to my pre-eclampsia, the pain was unimaginable and at some points I felt that my age had an impact on the care I recieved. I had my mum and my step-dad with me when I had my son and the staff generally reffered to them about decissions, my mum would then redirect the decission back to me, in a way maybe it was my age but also I think I needed help to make these choices because of how I was coping with the situation.
I eventually had my baby boy by emergency ceaserean section and was taken to the ward. I did feel a little out of place as there were no other mothers who looked my age but it wasnt that bad, we all had something in common in that we were all mums to newborns and no-one was judgemental. The staff were excellent (although it may have something to do with the fact that my auntie was one of them!). They did not treat me differently to any of the other mums and only helped when I needed it.

Coming home was a strange experience, I was tired and had a lot of help from my family in the first few weeks. I felt so prod the first time I took my babyout in his pushchair and showed him off to the world. I let my babys father know we had a son but his response was the same as when I told him I was pregnant, he didnt want to know, but I see that as his loss not mine.

Things were tight financially, being only 14 when I gave birth I was not old enough to claim benefits other than child benefit but my mum added my little boy to her working families tax credit and she support ed us both, I know it was selfish to put that on my mum afterall why should she have to be financially responsible for a child that is not her own, and I do feel very bad for putting my family in that situation but I am eternially grateful to her and show it in every
way I can.
Im lucky that there are two charities in my are who help mums and mums to be with second had donations of baby equipment, and my mum was able to claim a sure start maternity grant on my behalf so my baby had everything he needed, there are alot of children in my family so I got alot of hand me downs too as well as alot of presents from friends and family so my baby did not in any way go without.

Life as a single young mum was easier than I had anticiapated, I was lucky in that my son was a very easy baby and I had very few problems and I had good family support and support from my health visitor. Im also lucky ot have a support group in the area I was living in for young mothers, run by youth workers so I was able to build a good network of support. I breast fed my son, changed him, dressed him and cared for him just the same as any other mother would, I didnt go out and leave him at home, I didnt go out with my friends all the time and expect other people to look after him, I didnt drink or take drugs I was a mother just the same as any other mother.

My education did suffer because although my family were happy to care for my son for me I felt it was my responsibility, why should they make sacrifices? So I stopped going to school and became a full time mum. Maybe tht wasnt the ideal thing to do but there is plenty of time for education later in life but my sons growing up was not something I could catch up on later.

So I dint get my GCSEs but I guess I am lucky in that I am reasonably clever and I took some adult education exams which I passed and GCSE equivalent, so Im not just a high school drop out.

When I turned 16 I met a man who I fell head over heels for and started a relationship, I had relationships in between having my son and meeting this man bit nothing serious because I felt like the boys my age werent grown up enough and me having a baby wasnt something they could come to terms with. My new man was o
lder and had a child of his own so life started to go quite well, we had a sexual relationship and I was using the pill to avoid another pregnancy but unfortunatly I still fell pregant ( I guess Im very fertile). Again I cose to keep my baby and a teenage mother of two I then became. There isnt much more to say as you dont need to know what happened inmy life from there on, to put it simply I am living a normal life today and have been for the last few years, yes I may be a young mum of 2 but that doesnt make my life any differnt to any other mothers life.

I guess in summery what I am trying to say that being a young mum is no different to being an older mum. maybe I have missed out on other things but when I look at people I went to school with who are still living their care free lives, going out every night, drinking and really just living for themselves Im glad that I have done things this way. I have someone to live for, I dont need to seek thrills by getting drunk or taking drugs, I have my children and they are all I need to keep me happy. Having them has saved me from making the mistake that I see othe rpeople making. I can still go out if I want to I still have friends and a social life and I am happy. I doint feel tied down, I do feel I have a reason to live and that life has something to offer, having my own family is lovely and Im still young, I have alot to look forward to and I have my family to share it all with. Im going to college next year to do a GNVQ in health and socail care and I hope to become a midwife or health visitor.
Yes I live in a council and yes I do claim benefits at the moment but its not hte way I want to live, I am determined toi make a life for myself and my family I dont sit on my bum all day, I volunteer for various organisations when I have spare time, Im not just lazy, I also do some home study. Of course there are some girls that have their children just to get thir benefits and a council house and they give us a
ll abad name, but people dont seem to look beyond that and see the girls that arent like that.

I dont reccomend that girls have babies young, because it is hard but there are good and bad points and it is very dependent on the person as to how they will cope, my message is dont be quick to judge, being a young mum is an individual thing.

I have rated teenage pregnancy in the middle becaus like I said it is individual, it can ruin your life but it can be positive too.

I have put that I would not reccomend to friends because it should be a personal decission not something you do because someone reccomended it, I ad it easy it could be worse.

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