A Tale of two babies... (The Breastfeeding Debate)

Member Name: lulu2004

Product:	The Breastfeeding Debate
Date:	03/12/08 (89 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It really does provide a nice warm feeling of supporting your baby

Disadvantages: It is really very difficult despite being supposed to be a natural experience

Before I had my first child I was so sure I was going to Breastfeed him for at least six months. I didn't entertain the thought of even buying a tin of formula because no matter how hard it was going to be I was going to do it. I was also going to give birth using only Gas and Air, Have immediate skin-to-skin and cook every item he ate from scratch using only organic foods. Oh if only I had been able to see into the future.

Let me begin by saying that this isn't a tale about how woeful breastfeeding is. I am lucky to be able to have both perspectives on Breast Feeding. I have failed miserable at breastfeeding and two years later I have had a lovely experience feeding. I now have a completely different perspective on feeding a baby from the naïve mother-to-be I was before number one arrived.

So back to my plans for when my son arrived. I did give birth using only gas and air... entirely by accident as when I begged for the epidural I had left it too late to ask for one. Skin-to-skin happened for a few minutes before I was whisked off to be stitched up and as for cooking only organic food, my darling son asks for a McDonalds every time we pass one. (He only gets a Happy Meal once in a Blue Moon just in case any one thinks I am feeding him junk food!) I learned from having him that a huge degree of parenting involves flying by the seat of your pants, mums are their own best guide and we have to learn to let ourselves be parents the way we want to be, and not the way that the books tell us to.

So, breastfeeding for me 1st time around.
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When I got taken into the recovery room after having my tear stitched up I was trying to get my head around what had been a traumatic experience but I asked if I could feed my little boy and the midwife helped latch him on and he fed. He was very sleepy that first night and I thought he must be an angel baby as he slept through.

I was awakened next morning by a screaming little boy who wanted fed. I felt that I had been hit by a bus and just could not feel the overwhelming love I was expecting. I actually felt quite indifferent to this little boy. Of course I looked after him but things weren't how I thought they would be. I was in intense pain and bleeding a lot and just couldn't seem to get my little boy to stop crying no matter how long he was latched on. He cried and cried as I had nothing to offer except colostrum and he was a large hungry baby and I prayed my milk would come in soon even though I had read all the books and knew colostrum was sufficient for him. Baby cried and mummy cried... and mummy cried and cried and cried. I felt like I was failing him.

During the second day in hospital I asked a midwife to help me as breastfeeding was very sore. She got me some Lansinoh cream and it helped but still my little boy cried. I eventually rang for help as I just could not settle this baby. I cried as I asked the midwife to take him and feed him a bottle. She reluctantly agreed and brought back a sleeping content baby from the nursery after she had fed him. I felt even more of a failure.

I continued trying the whole stay in hospital and the first day at home but I just could not get him to settle down. I was in very much pain down below and from sore nipples and my mental health was more and more unstable when my husband asked if I really felt up to being the sole person responsible for feeding the baby. I agreed that no, I didn't. I just didn't feel that bond. All I felt was sore. That day I bought a tin of formula and bottles and I cried as I fed him SMA Gold. I was a complete failure to him.

It turned out that I had Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder and Post-Natal Depression following his delivery. My counseller maintains I was dealing with the grief of not being able to breast feed when I so wanted to that lead to PND. But as time went on my son thrived and I got over it.

My main issue was that I read all the Mother and Baby magazines and not one of them talked of how formula fed babies were quite fine. I was brainwashed into thinking that I would be a bad person if I dared put a bottle into my baby's mouth. I know advertising infant formulas is not allowed but it SHOULD be. We should be allowed to make an informed decision on feeding... not the one that the health officials think we should make.

Pregnancy , birth and Feeding 2nd time around.
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I knew with baby number 2 that I was going to have a Caesarean Section and had never had that experience before so I prepared for bottle feeding and bought in loads of formula. I had no qualms about offering baby a bottle this time. In fact I did not even consider breast feeding this time. Although things turned out very different for me.

When I was brought to the recovery room after the section I just felt this urge to feed my new daughter. I knew what to expect this time, I latched her on and she fed really well. The midwifes were happy I was trying and called regularly to check me, I was the only one on a Ward of 4 ladies who was actually Breast Feeding. And guess what? I was loving feeding this time. It was blinking painful but I was a more relaxed mother this time and happy to work through the pain. I was also armed with the maturity of motherhood that I didn't have first time. I wanted to look like I was doing everything well and correctly. I wanted to look like I was competent. This time I didn't care. I asked for help instead of waiting for someone to come and read my mind. I let the midwives touch my boobs- no shyness this time (no shame left!)

On night 2 I couldn't get my daughter settled and I asked a midwife if I could have a little bottle of formula. My baby girl was very sucky and had cracked my nipples and I just needed a little sleep. She was very kind and said 'sometimes they just need a top-up honey, you can start again on the breast tomorrow' and she gave me a bottle of SMA, my baby drank a teeny bit and fell asleep and so I got to sleep too. We never looked back and I didn't feel bad that she got a little formula. From that point she was exclusively breastfed and I felt great.

After 2 months exclusive feeding I was suffering from cystic acne and the only way for me to get rid of it was to go on Dianette which meant I had to wean my baby on to formula but I felt that the time was right for me. I was very sad giving her that first bottle, and when you are feeding the urge to continue feeding is so strong but she took to the bottles very well. Over the fortnight we cut a breastfeed a day and once the milk had dried up I lost the urge to breastfeed her.

My comparison on my two babies, One breast fed, One formula fed
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My son was a very chubby, pleasant little baby and I don't feel he suffered by being formula fed, my daughter is very slender and is slower to put on weight but she is a spirited little baby. In terms of proneness to illness which is what you often see mentioned in regards to breastfeeding, both children have suffered colds in their baby-days. I can't really see any difference. They are both happy and healthy.

I lost my weight quicker first time around than I did with breastfeeding as I found feeding made me hungry but that wasn't something I cared about- I don't mind what weight I am.

Apparently formula fed babies are at greater risk of UTIs, this may be true- my son suffered one at 10 months old.

Also they say that breast fed babies may have greater nuerological development. I cant say anything about this, as of my two babies, my formula fed baby is the one who has met milestones ahead of time. My daughter is fairly textbook in terms of doing things when she is supposed to, my son was leaps and bounds ahead. I think this depends more on the baby's personality than the way they were fed.

It is nice to think I have protected myself a little against Ovarian cancer by feeding, and that feeding pulled my uterus back into shape but the most important people here are my children.

First time around I suffered PND, and the literature says that when you breastfeed you are less likely to suffer depression. However I feel that the heartbreak f not breastfeeding actually caused the depression. But I must say I was vey sunny and positive while breastfeeding so I do think there is something in it.

There is nothing more convenient that breastfeeding. I use ready to drink cartons now but even so, there was no sterilising/preparation for breast milk. It suited us.


To Conclude
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I sound down on breastfeeding, but Im not at all, I loved it and I would do it again in a flash, but I feel very strongly that someone should have told me it was OK to feed my son formula first time around. I cant bear the mothers you meet who drop the fact that they are breastfeeding in to every conversation like they are above all mothers out there. (And these people do exist.. the ones who act like you are poisioning your baby for giving formula).

When I meet a mum-to-be, and I meet plenty through work, a lot tell me they are going to breastfeed exclusively and I am reminded of how I was first time around. I tell them my story from both perspectives, that it's hard and if it doesn't work out then don't beat yourself up over it. It's rewarding, but so is watching a formula fed baby thrive.

I guess my bottom line is that if you try, then do give it your very best shot, but if you just can't get it worked out and do end up giving formula then please don't feel bad... a lot of us have been there, and there is always next time. We should not judge each other on how we raise the babies. We are all mothers and should respect each other. This should be about choice.

Summary: This is my story of success and failure at breastfeeding