Frightened by the medics! (The Breastfeeding Debate)

Member Name: Vicki H

Product:	The Breastfeeding Debate
Date:	16/09/01 (70 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Can return to work knowing feeds are provided., No sore boobs!

Disadvantages: Don't have the same intimacy with your child., Bottle feeding costs more.

When I was pregnant there was no doubt in my mind that I would breastfeed my child. I viewed mothers who gave their children bottles as uncaring slobs who couldn't be bothered to feed them themselves. I remember going to the Doctor to have my pregnancy confirmed and was rather taken aback when all he wanted to talk about was breasfeeding. This wasn't a problem as I would be breastfeeding my child without a doubt but what about all the other issues that came before this? I wanted to know what would happen to my body, how I would feel, would my baby be OK? Breasfeeding seemed light years away!

I read everything I could lay my hands on relating to pregnancy. I bought magazine after magazine and read every book ever written. I was thrilled to be expecting my first child and wanted to be empowered with knowledge.

I attended every medical appointment and took in all the details given. I read all the leaflets over and over again. I was well and truly obsessed by my pregnancy but then a doubt crept into my mind. Did I really want to breasfeed?

Everytime I attended an appointment I was given information on breastfeeding. Every session started with the closed question 'You are going to feed this baby yourself aren't you?' Every time I answered positively with confidence.

Breasfeeding started to haunt me from about the fifth month. I had some severe bleeding and was taken to hospital, we weren't sure that the baby had survived. It was a bank holiday and the medics refused to do a scan to check whether my child had been miscarried or not. I had to wait until the following Wednesday to find out my child's fate. I'll never forget waiting outside the scanning suite. My appointment was over an hour late and inside I could clearly hear another woman sobbing as she was told that her baby had been miscarried. Next it would be my turn. It was with great joy that I found out that my son was still
very much inside me and I saw him for myself on the screen sucking away at his thumb, quite oblivious to my worry!

I think it was at this point that I got quite angry with the medical profession. How could they have made me go through the hell that I did? Even through this whole nightmare they kept on at me to breastfeed! I needed a break, I wanted to nurture the life inside me and deal with the issue of feeding much nearer the time.

I read so much about breastfeeding I was truly sick and tired of it before it had even started. I knew all the benefits to mother and child and all the techniques. I had even been referred to a breasfeeding class which lasted 2 hours every week. I was an absoloute expert on the subject and it frightened the hell out of me. Suddenly I panicked. I had assumed that I would breastfeed but what if I couldn't? No one would talk to me about this, I was just told that I would be able to and that was that.

Another thing that really worried me was that I had to return to work within 12 weeks of the birth. What if I couldn't get my child onto a bottle? Would I have to express milk at work? I have a very demanding job - would I cope? Nobody wanted to discuss this either!

I went through a real guilt trip about my feelings. The midwives just said I would be able to do it and that was that. I was not offered any options and bottle feeding was not mentioned at all. I decided to find out a little about bottle feeding in order to provide me with some knowledge of both sides of the fence so to speak. I was totally horrified to find that I couldn't find out a damn thing about it!

I asked the midwives for advice but they were unable to promote bottle feeding at all. The health authroity forbid them from doing so and it was even stated on posters around the clinic that there would be no advice on bottle feeding! The magazines and books were all pro breastfeeding and I failed to
find anything out here either. I spent hours in the supermarket trying to analyse the different bottles and formulas not really knowing what I was looking at. Even on the bottles and formula it stated that they were no substitute for breasfeeding!

Bottle feeding certainly has its disadvantages. The formuals is very expensive. My son used to get through about £10 worth per week! You seem to spend hours washing and sterilising bottles. In the middle of the night the last thing you feel like do is warming up bottles of milk, believe me! I have always wondered also about the intimacy that I missed as a result of bottle feeding.

There are advantages too though. My partner could feed my son too which meant that I could have a well earned rest. If I left the baby with relatives I did not have to rush back. I suffered terribly with mastitis during pregnancy and this was relieved as soon as the milk dried up. Incidentally you are not given tablets now to aid this and have to suffer a few agonising days when your milk comes in. This does eventually get better but wow does it hurt! The main advantage for me was that I could enjoy my maternity leave secure in the knowledge that baby wouldn't starve when I went back to work.

I therefore decided to tell my midwife that I was not going to breasfeed in the hope that she would give me some advice on bottles. This plan failed all I got was a lecture on how I was failing my child. I did not know what I would do right up until the birth of my son. After 23 hours in labour I was a total wreck and decided to bottle feed. I didn't have a clue about formula and the only time a midwife engaged in any advice about it was when I was in the last stage of labour!

I do think that I made the right descision at the time. I was huge in my pregnancy and hadn't slept properly for months. I worked until 4 weeks before the birth and was utterly exhausted. The labour was extremely diff
icult and I lost so much blood that I had to be given drugs to continue my contractions for a further 12 hours after the birth. I did not physically feel up to feeding my son myself. That is not to say that I am lazy - I did every night feed myself from the day he came home (and he sometimes woke up for 3 feeds a night!).

I fed my son on formula milk and he has thrived. I was isolated in hospital due to my descision and it was the women who breastfed that got the midwives attention. I was not shown how to feed my son until he had severe colic! I was never offered any advice on which type of bottles to buy etc. Neither was I told about how to sterilise. Thank God I have the intelligence to find out all this information for myself though I know some people won't. Surely women have the right to choose how to feed their children and should be supported by the medical profession no matter what their decision.

I truly believe that if the advice given by the medical profession had been neutral, I would have breasfed my son. I did feel however that they were too busy promoting the pluses of breasfeeding without addressing any of the problems that a mother could face. I wanted to know both sides of the story so that I could make an informed choice.

I was even sent home from hospital with my son and no one checked that I had any milk for him at home. Of course I did but how were they to know? I often wonder how many babies are sent to homes that do not have any milk/bottles etc. Everything that I learned about bottle feeding was totally self taught and this is wrong.

For those of you who breastfed your babies - I admire you and I hope that if I am ever lucky enough to become pregnant again I will do the same. I fully appreciate all the advantages of breasfeeding. For those of you who are considering bottle feeding - don't feel bad. The most important thing in the world is to give a baby love and security. You are th
e centre point in that child's life and you must feel happy too. Nobody ever mentioned 'me' in the whole process of feeding my son. If you feel happy, the chances are your child will feel happy too.

I decided to modify this op as I realised that I had not given any tips on bottle feeding, making me as bad as the medics. Firstly buy bottles with slow flow teats. I bought variflow ones for my newborn and he just couldn't cope with them at all. He ended up with the dreaded colic!

Make sure you buy a bottle brush to clean them with. You also need washing up liquid and hot water at the ready. Rinse the bottles really well with cold water. Make sure you have a good supply of your milk formula and also you can buy ready made cartons. These are very expensive but are an absolute god send when you are shattered and running behind. They are also really handy to take out in your bag just in case you do run out of made up bottles.

You will need to invest in a good steriliser too. I went for a steam steriliser by Toys R Us and was pleased with its performance. Word of warning here - buy loads of bottles! My son at his peak went through 12 a day! It takes the pressure off you if you have plenty of bottles.

Get into a routine of making the bottles at the same time of day. You then get other things done while you wait for the boiling water to cool. Don't leave it until you are totally out of bottles - there is nothing worse than trying to console a screaming baby whilst making up bottles!

I didn't know this but you must give your baby water to drink as well as the milk. My son was screaming through dehydration. The midwife told me that this was the cause and I had to boil the kettle (don't boil water that has previously been boiled as this alters the salt content, always use fresh water) and then leave it to cool. My son calmed down once he had been given a drink. I felt really bad about th
is but as I mentioned nobody gave me any advice at all so how was I to know?

As I mentioned before Joe had colic. I found a product called 'Infacol' a real help. It lets the baby get the wind up more easily and so there is less tummy ache. This can be used from birth too, I used it for about 3 months and never had any problems again.

Winding baby is a bit of an art, noone showed me how to do it. Support baby under the chin, I used to put a bib under there too! Then gently rub and pat the baby on the back - get ready for some mighty belches! Don't bother with a bottle warmer a jug of water is much quicker to warm bottles. Test the milk on your inner wrist, it should be at your body temp so if it feels hot wait for it to cool. I hope these tips help someone out there.

Studies come out every now and then stating that breast fed children are more intelligent than bottle fed babies. These reports make you feel bad as a parent but I look at my son and believe that I have offered him the best start in life because he has a mother who is happy. I became so negative about breastfeeding that I know that I would have become depressed if I had done it. Joe is 10 months now and still loves his bottle. He is a big, intelligent, healthy child and I do not have any regrets!

Thanks for reading.

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