Plan, prepare, parent. (Tips on Coping)

Member Name: HonestBob

Product:	Tips on Coping
Date:	13/10/08 (103 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Guidance on Planning

Disadvantages: It relies on sourcing outside help

1. Time your pregnancy:
If at all possible (and with modern contraception it is possible) plan your pregnancy. I don't mean plan as in meet Mr Right, get married, buy a nice house in the area for a good school and save enough money to give the child everything you think s/he should have (there will never be ''enough" money, just ensure there is sufficient money), I mean plan the timing of your pregnancy. Consider whether a winter, spring, autumn or summer baby suits your domestic situation and whether there will be enough willing and eager hands around at the time of the birth (if your partner has a job that restricts holiday dates this may be vital if you are to have him home for a decent length of time in the early days. If you work in education the timing of childbirth can also mean you spend longer with baby before returning to work.... Conceive in December or January to get 9 months off, go back for a week or so while Daddy looks after baby during his annual leave and then get the summer vacation paid!).

2. Do your research:
Talk to friends and family who have already had children (don't just ask those with new babies either, speak to those who've seen a few rounds with the birthday fairy). Read pregnancy related magazines, borrow pregnancy and childcare books from the library and get online. Babycentre.co.uk is a good start and will allow you to chat with other women in the same situation, whether that's considering pregnancy, trying to conceive, or actually with a bun already in the oven.

3. Talk to your partner:
Find out how he feels about becoming a Daddy. What does he want from family life? How does he see his role panning out? How many children does he want? What age gaps? What are his fears? What is he excited about?

4. Make friends with your inlaws:
These people are going to be Grandparents to your unborn. Let them in on the excitement of your pregnancy. Get extra copies of scan photos for them, let them purchase something important for the baby. Let them know that you want them to be involved, that you need them to be involved. Hopefully if you foster this grandparenting role from the very start, they will be there when the poop hits the fan.

5. 'Borrow' a child:
'Practice' on someone else's child. Be this nappy changing, bathing, singing nursery rhymns, telling stories or (heaven forbid) discipline. Offer to babysit. you never know, the favour may be returned at a crucial moment in the future.

6. Listen to all advice given:
But do not feel obliged to follow it. Your child may be nothing like little Billy, but at least you have a bank of ideas to fall back on should your own fail.

7. Buy pacifiers/soother/dummies:
I doubt any mother really wants to use these things and I bow down in respect to those that never do. But I'm not stupid enough to cut my nose off to spite my face. I hate them, but they work, and you can guarantee you will see the sense of these at 3am one Sunday morning when there is no where open that sells them.

8. Spend money well:
You need a good car seat, a sturdy and comfortable pram (the type will vary according to the season that your baby is born in and the terrain you generally walk over), a cot with a dropside and the best mattress you can afford. Accept everything second hand except the mattress and car seat (unless you know the carseat owner very well). Clothes, bedding and toys can be purchased second hand. Money saved on buying most items new can be spent on taking an extra few days maternity leave. Consider every penny spent on non-essentials as pennies that you will have to work to make up and time taken away from your gorgeous baby. Does baby really need that matching bedding and curtain set or does s/he need you?

9. Accept all offers of help:
And seek out the offers that some are too embaressed to make, or that should be made by relatives (in-laws take heed!). Having children (of any age) is the hardest job there is. Managers of top businesses delegate, why shouldn't mothers do the same? Life shouldn't be this hard. If someone offers to wash up for you, or mind the baby while you do something else, then rip their hand off in thanks! You're a mother not a martyr, baby needs you on top form, take time out for yourself when you can.

10. Seek professional help:
If something is worrying you about your child, if you feel you are not coping, then speak to your health visitor or GP. These people are not going to judge you (you're already doing that to yourself). They will have seen and heard it all before, from mild niggling worries to full blown post-partum psychosis (very rare). If your GP recommends anti-depressants then collect the prescription and take the drugs. Don't leave it sitting on a shelf while you continue feeling dreadful. Needing medical help is not a sign that you're not coping, it's a sign that you are taking matters into your own hands, recognising that you do not feel the way that you think you should and that you are doing something to regain control. Let the drugs do their bit while you get on with being a fantastic mum.

Summary: Ten tips on preparing to cope with parenting