Remember - Deep Breaths.... (Tips on Coping)

Member Name: The Daz

Product:	Tips on Coping
Date:	17/03/09 (137 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: A sensible approach goes a long way.

Disadvantages: Plans go awry, emotions get wibbly....

Baby fed, check. Nappy changed, check, body temperature ok, check. Sufficient array of toys in close proximity, check. Afternoon nap completed, check. Engaged in eye contact and reassured baby, check. Face clear of snot, dribble and gunk, check. Stomach blown on and feet waggled playfully, check. And still baby cries...

'Darling? The baby's broken....'

Ah yes. The indescribable frustration and worry that only comes when your baby just won't calm down. You've tried everything, and even some new things out of desperation, yet still they cry. It's all your fault...you're clearly not doing it right. (The Dark Side of the Force again).

Relax. Deep breaths. Pick up the baby and cuddle them closely. Walk about a bit, bouncing slightly or swaying if this helps. Don't worry if they still whine for a little while. It happens. They don't come out fully world-ready, and the instruction manual may as well be in Japanese, for sometimes there is no definite reason, and you just have to go with the flow. Remember - if you can cope with them being a newborn, then the toddler stuff doesn't seem as difficult. Although they will be much stronger (surprisingly so), and much heavier, and far hungrier, and considerably louder....

Deep breaths....

So coping then - it's hard work raising an anklesnapper. My Daughter is only 4 months old, and although she now sleeps through the night uninterrupted (oh joy!!!), she is still prone to afternoon grouchiness, and random sessions of being unhappy with the world. It has taken a lot of angst, patience, a few arguments, and plenty of deep breaths to reach this current level of being just able to manage it - somewhat akin to balancing on your tiptoes while being poked with numerous pointy sticks.

It can be very frustrating - we grown ups generally like to plan things, and be organised. Baby isn't bothered about that. They vaguely differentiate day and night, and empty stomach and full nappy - but the rest occurs randomly. You will need your wits, and a supply of Coffee and patience to weather it.

It gets worse before it gets better obviously, this review... Like all rapidly growing organisms, your delightful child will change more quickly than you can anticipate, and in new ways each time. Patterns are only brief cycles, and quickly evolve into different and more complex patterns, which is often a source of confusion and yet more frustration.

Deep breaths - remember that bit.

So - tips. Let me think. Erm....Right. These are geared towards the newborn baby - 0-6 months. My expertise does not extend to the noisome bundle of curly hair that is my best friend's child. I'm sure I will have a whole new set of tips when my Daughter reaches that age. I shall ask him - he seems to be coping well - he certainly has more hair left than I do.

Emotion. Firstly - babies are incredibly receptive. They may totally ignore your feeble attempts to get their attention when you have guests around, and instead lie there looking simple and gurning away, but they will pick up on an angry or upset mode in an instant. When they're screaming because you lay them down and it most certainly was not nap time (the Tilt Sensor in their head goes off), you mustn't let it wind you up. When you're still awake at 2am because they wouldn't settle after the feed, and you've cuddled them and tried to put them down awake (which is like trying to plait fog sometimes), and you're really tired and your partner has just snapped at you for coughing too loudly - take another one of those deep breaths and try to act confident and accepting when you go to your baby's cot. Reassure them softly, sing to them quietly and let them drift off. If you need to scream, go to the spare room and stick a pillow on your face!

Time. You and your partner need your couple time. Try putting the baby to bed slightly early and making and devouring a 3 course meal together - use the dining table, stick some music on (it doesn't have to be Lame Love Songs Compilation IV), and just enjoy being together again. I've done this a few times already, and it's really satisfying when you both go to bed relaxed and happy with the world again.

Time 2. You also need your 'Me' time. This is obviously of especial importance if you are a single parent. Not being one - I can only sympathise! - I hope you have a friend or relative you can occasionally ask to babysit for you so you can enjoy some time away from your baby.
For couples - take turns to mind them for a few hours. My Wife - spiffing as she is - usually lets me have my pottering time on Sunday mornings. I will happily park myself in front of the PC for some Writing time, Playing time (merciless world domination is good), and trying to make the minus figures in my Finances go away Time. In return I will let her have a long hot bath with candles, her copy of Cosmo, and plenty of bubbles.

Teamwork - and deep breaths...

Anticipation. Very important. Is it closer than one hour to the next feed? Be ready, just in case they go from happy to starving in two minutes (infrequent, but keeps you on your toes). Have one of everything you need in the baby bag when you go out. And another one of everything in the boot of your car in case of being stranded. You may be able to survive on half a Mars Bar if the car breaks down in the Dales and the RAC tell you it'll be 90 minutes until they reach you, but I rather think your beloved offspring will be less than amused at this turn of events. Have their toys in strategically close locations throughout the house so that you're not forever running up and down the stairs looking for one. Mr Ducky lives on the sofa, and Mr Zebra lives in the cot. Mr Elephant is a floating safety and can be used by one parent if the other needs to locate another item.

Humour. You will need to laugh off a lot of things. Gagging at the nappy contents? Baby milk and vomit all over your shoulder? Eardrum perforated from sudden screaming fit? Deal with it. Return baby to calm mode with intelligent use of parenting knowledge (run through paragraph one again), and then chuckle about it. If you laugh at the baby whilst stroking them, they may even reciprocate, and you'll have successfully defused the crisis.

There are of course many more tips - and I suggest you remember one of my other reviews (now that's a test for you), and filter out the useful stuff from the annoying advice solicited from friends, relatives, the old lady at the bus stop and anyone who happens to have seen an episode of Supernanny and overhears you talking about yours.

Remember - Deep breaths, it's not supposed to go to the exact plan, your job is to respond and manage and not to panic at the seeming lack of control. Most of all - enjoy it. You'll (probably) only have a few children, and you should make the most of it before they turn into teenagers - I cite David from Coronation Street as an example! (How middle aged is that...watching soaps....)

Summary: A few tips for surviving the first 6 months.