Sad times but it does get easier (Tips on Coping with Miscarriages)

Member Name: sparky111

Product:	Tips on Coping with Miscarriages
Date:	04/05/09 (86 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: n/a

Disadvantages: sadness and loss

I had my miscarraige in may 2003, and it came as quite a shock as I did not even know I was pregnant.

April 2003 was a very stressfull time for me, and I had visited my doctor and was told I was depressed and he did some tests on me and one of them happened to be a pregnancy test just to be sure, he said phone back the following week to find out the results and if I needed to see him again then I was to make another appointment.

I was so sure that I would not be pregnant as I had been on the pill for years, in fact since I was 18 so I did not phone for the test result.

Two weeks after my doctor appointment I was sat at home on a friday evening watching the wrestling with my husband, I did feel a bit odd so I went to the bathroom. Whilst in the bathroom I felt a bit of discomfort, then all of a sudden a lot of blood appeared, I just put it down to stress and thought it was a heavy period as I was a bit overdue.

I went back downstairs and then felt a little more discomfort, so headed back to the bathroom, where even more blood appeared and with more blood clots this time.

My husband was not the sort of man you could really talk to about periods, so I decided to ring my mother in law as she was a nurse and she was always easy to talk to about everything. She then said it may be a heavy period and told me to try and rest.

I was in no real pain at all, so off to bed I went, I did wake up several times in the night and the blood was everywhere at this stage, so I spent most of the night in the bathroom.

When morning came I made an appointment with the doctor, and he asked me if I had rung for the test results, I said I didnt believe I could of been so didnt bother. He then told me that I was in fact pregnant, but with all the blood I had passed, I would need to go to the hospital for an emergency scan.

The scan was taken within the hour, and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. The staff were pleasant but very cold, I felt I was treated like a piece of meat and polked and prodded to then be told there was no signs of the baby and to just take it easy at home.

Then when returned home it was like a bad dream, as though the last 24 hours were not real.

It took a few days but once it had sunk in I had forgotton that there was in fact someone else who was suffering too...my husband.

I had been so wrapped up in my own emotions that I had forgot that he too had lost his child, and even though we did not know I was pregnant it was still our baby, still a life growing that had been taken from us and I had spent hours either crying or just sat quiet without talking to him about it.

Once I realised I was not alone the pain and shock did go and after talking about it with my husband we shared our grief. I did feel a lot of different emotions the main one was guilt. I felt that it was my fault, as though I could of changed things and the baby would of lived. I did come to terms with this eventually with talking things through.

Three months after my miscarraige I fell pregnant. I was concerned the same would happen again so it made me very carefull, I ate all the right things, did not drink alcohol, but my concerns were all in my head and everything turned out ok.

I now have a beautiful daughter who is my absolute world, I no longer have my husband as we seperated when she was eight weeks old, it seems my husband found the grass greener elsewhere!!

I still often wonder what the child I lost would of looked like, and will never forget him/her, but I have found a place in my heart to keep the memory alive. My daughter did not replace the lost child, but she did bring happiness.

So out of my experience, my main tip would be to remember you are not alone, and if you have a partner then share the grief and get through the sad times together. If you do not hve a partner with you then talk to a family member or a close friend, it will help believe me.

Try not to blame yourself. Sometimes these things just happen and you are never given a reason, but you are not to blame.

And the last bit of advice I can give is to know that things will improve. You will never forget, but with every loss we endure, time will heal and your loved ones are kept alive inside your heart.

I hope this helps x

Summary: time heals