I Believe in Me (Tips on regaining your confidence after divorce)

Member Name: harmonyk

Product:	Tips on regaining your confidence after divorce
Date:	21/02/02 (237 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Gives you your life back., Puts you in control.

Disadvantages: Makes you question all that you held to be true.

Readers may or may not be aware of my situation. For those who don't, here's a brief (!) explanation.

A few years ago, after over 20 years together, my husband, Nigel, decided that he was in love with his secretary Lyn. I was devastated. My world fell apart. I had married for life. I intended working at my marriage and not giving up - like all the rest. Trouble was, Nigel had made up his mind. Despite almost a year of counselling both personal and with Relate, we split up. I told him I would always love him and that I would not divorce him - he would have to wait to be free.

For months after he had gone I was on a roller-coaster of emotions. Trying to come to terms with his rejection of me. Trying to accept that I would never love or be loved again - never feel a mans arms around me. I wanted to die - what was there to live for? The only thing that stopped me from taking my life was the fact my daughter was pregnant and she needed me.

So I became obsessed with my computer and the internet. It became my friend. Despite much support from my real friends I found the 'net' didn't know me so I could be anyone I wanted to be - change my personality. I was introduced to chat rooms and dating sites - I struck up 'friendships' with a few men, one or two even telephoned me but I never really wanted to take it any further than that.

My sister told me about Dooyoo and I signed up for it not realising just how much it would change my life. Following my return from a month in Australia in the summer of 2001 I began to become aware of a name cropping up in the comments boxes - not just mine but almost everyone's. ANDREWSJK seemed to be the most popular character on the site. Not only did he write great opinions but he took the time to read, rate and comment on almost everything. Anyway to cut what has already become a long introduction short - John Andrews and I fell in love - before we even met
- we are now living together and engaged to be married.

Not wishing to bore any of you with all the lovey-dovey stuff that has gone before I will move on.

Yesterday (20/02/02) my divorce date came through. Yes, suddenly I had the need to free myself from Nigel. By our 24th wedding anniversary on the 26th May we will no longer be married. And I did it!!!

So to the tips on regaining confidence...

1. Never ever believe you won't be happy again.

2. Don't go looking for love - if it's meant to happen it will.

3. Keep your wits about you. I'm sure there are unscrupulous men out there preying on vulnerable women.

4. Use your friends for support - they will become closer - and you will discover who are the REAL friends amonst them.

5. Never, ever, think you are too old/fat/ugly/boring to be loved. It's rubbish - love just happens - whatever.

6. Do stuff just for YOU. Go on a shopping spree - go dancing - go for walks along the beach with the dog - stay in bed all day eating chocolates - enjoy your freedom.

7. Get flirty! Even if it's not normally in your nature you'll be suprised how much fun you have.

8. Every morning when you wake up tell youself "I am wonderful" (sounds crazy but it will boost your confidence).

9. Book a holiday - preferably alone. I had a month in Australia - wiped out all my savings but it helped me 'find' myself.

10. SMILE!!! ;o)) You are on the road to a new exciting life - enjoy it.

AND FINALLY...

I don't know that everyone will find the happiness that John and I have with each other. I believe in fate - what will be will be. But I do know that life deals us good as well as bad - there must be a balance - so if you've had a bad run of luck, cheer up - the sun will be shining soon.

Love and happiness to everyone

Heather XXX <
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PS. If anyone is in a state of despair at the moment please feel free to email me - I'll be happy to listen.

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