Don't let toilet training drive you potty! (Toilet Training/Potties in General)

Member Name: azana

Product:	Toilet Training/Potties in General
Date:	02/11/09 (106 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: no more nappies

Disadvantages: peer pressure

Having been through toilet training twice now, I have learnt a thing or two, the first being that though "they" may say a child will be ready to get rid of nappies somewhere between 18 months to 3 years old, things aren't necessarily so simple. If you are reading this because your child has turned two, or indeed three and is showing none of the "signs" - wanting pants or going a long time between wees, panic not and say "no" to competitive potty training.

Easy for me to say now that we are out the other side, so to speak, and nappy free after nearly 6 years of changing one child or another, but not so easy if you are at that point where you wonder if your child will ever learn. Even second time around, very recently, I am afraid I got shamed into at least one abortive training attempt. Thanks to hearing on Jermemy Vine that more and more children are going to school still in nappies I spent a fruitless and frustrating four days stuck at home whilst my clueless child weed on the floor in about every single room. Pointless, though a good test for my Vax. I did keep telling myself, and hearing from others "she'll do it when she is ready" but I wish I had really believed it because, actually, it was so true.

So what actually works and what can you do to train your child?

Here are a few of my tips, with a disclaimer that for both of my children I have failed to teach them before they were well over three, though on the plus side when they have learned toilet training the process has lasted less than two days. A friend once told me "potty trained at two, dry at three, toilet trained at three, dry at three", this has been true for me both times. Some children are ready earlier and I have known 2 year olds who have demanded pants and been fine, but also I have known parents who have been determined to train their less willing two year old and have, therefore, spent months following their child around with a potty or changing wet pants several times a day. This approach is not for me, though judging from the amount of times I have walked through wet patches in my socks in soft play venues (eugh) or had visiting children wee on the floor, it is a suprisingly popular choice.

Things you may need:

- Buy some pants with your child at some point when they are 2 or 3 and would like some.

- you can buy a potty and have it around to be sat on before bath time from age 2 onwards, though a toilet seat may be a better bet. I recommend the baby bjorn seat which is more expensive but fits above the toilet seat rather than under it like cheaper seats. I have found both times that my use of a potty has been shortlived, as I have had late trainers they have gone more or less straight to the toilet, if you are going to use a potty you will need some sort of disinfectant for rinsing.

- smarties and/or a sticker chart may help.

- you can buy a book if it makes you feel reassured, but you don't need to. Like with everything in my experience going with what your instincts is better in my opinion.

- Plenty of encouragement is an essential requirement. Do let your child see their friends happily using the toilet, do let them "have a go" if they want to. Don't force them to sit on the potty or toilet, some children find it quite scary and forcing them will scare them more.

- A book for the child. Go to the library and get a book about pants or potties, there are loads around. This time we found "Where's my Potty" featuring Bartholemew bear to be gentle encouragement. I wouldn't recommend the Marks and Spencer Potty Book if you have a late trainer as the lovely rhyme featuring "now I am nearly two" made me seethe, but "Aliens love Underpants" and other books in the series are all positive pants stories and great fun.

- Pampers mats/a towel/waterproof sheet for the bed. Actually with late trainers I have found they have been dry at night straight away, my eldest has never actually wet the bed at all and has been dry from day 4 of training. Some children may however still be in nappies or "pyjama pants" up to school age and beyond, so be aware of this, and don't think your child is failing.

Things you don't need:

- You don't necessarily have to buy special "toilet training" nappies, you can use pull ups before progressing to pants but in my experience when they are ready you can go cold turkey, so to speak, on the nappies and all will be well. Both times (touch wood) my children have had one spectacular wee accident and that has been it.

- Refuse to indulge in a toilet training competition with your peers. Competitive parenting is pretty endemic in some quarters, when you think about it being able to control your bladder is great but it is a pretty silly thing to boast about or be smug about. Ignore well intentioned but annoying "Isn't she/he in pants yet?".

- You don't need a deadline. If you are set on training because a new sibling is arriving, or you want them to go to dance class, you are probably setting yourself up for failure. Most preschools will take children wearing pull up pants these days - it's an equal opportunities matter - if yours won't, ask why.

- Negativity - try to avoid getting angry when they have an accident. Don't necessarily rush to change them, in my experience when starting out they actually have to learn what feeling wet is like as modern nappies are far too efficient at soaking up wee. Do change them calmly, the more fuss you make the more they will learn that "pee is power" to coin a phrase. My first child proved this spectacularly when her sister came along, she worked out the weeing everywhere was a great attention provider, memorably once pulling down her pants and weeing all over the front room as we were occupied with a new baby about whom we were talking on the phone. I learned that day to make the toilet into the everyday thing it is and not to make a fuss.

One other thing I would say that is useful to know, if probably a little on the "too much information" side, is that it is quite normal for children to be scared to pooh after they have learned to wee. Again minimal fuss is key;my first child actually used to go and put a nappy onto herself to pooh for a few weeks after being dry, we let her do this until she was comfortable and not scared as no amount of cajoling or bribery was going to work. My second child was fine to do both straight away, having previously shown a complete lack of interest and ability to do either, so every child is different. My second child learned at 3 and 4 months of her own volition, and some children may well be 3 and a half or older before they are really ready, though some may be ready at two, like everything there is a range of normal.

Overall:

If you can tough it out and wait until your child is practically begging to wear pants, in my experience toilet training doesn't need to be a big deal. It is only part of normal life, and bizarre as I have found it both times that a child who can speak in full sentences has been a bit reluctant to get rid of the nappies, I'm glad that both times I have gone with the flow, as it were. My second child did choose to start using the toilet regularly during the tail end of a holiday and into a plane journey, rather inconveniently, but we went with it and all was well. It may be that you will have one or two failed attempts, but they will indeed do it when they are ready as everyone told me both times. My laissez-faire approach may not be for everyone, but it has been fairly stress free, and that for me is how every little step towards growing up should be, as non pressured and normal as possible.

My little girl is proud to say "I'm a big girl now, aren't I?", and it's true, it's another box ticked. If you are embarking on toilet training I hope my experience can be of some use, don't worry, reports on Jeremy Vine aside I haven't heard of many children going to school in nappies, they will do it eventually, just maybe not how or when you are expecting!

Summary: hoorah! No more nappies!