Twins - A fathers point of view (Twins in general)

Member Name: herbie1977

Product:	Twins in general
Date:	01/08/05 (380 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: 2 for the price of 1, soul mates

Disadvantages: Cost!

Our twin daughters were born on 8 January 2002 by caesarian section. Lauren weighed 7lb, Rebecca weighed 8lb. They are non-identical twins and they look so different, they could both have different parents! Twins are not unusual, but we did not even consider that there may be 2 little ladies lurking when we first found out my wife was pregnant. As far as we are aware there is no history of twins in our family, and we have researched this.

Pregnancy

We were both delighted when the pregnancy was confirmed, wandering round with beaming smiles. Vicki looked radiant, and a picture of health. This was not going to last for long! 6 weeks into the pregnancy, she lost all her energy, felt ill and couldn't keep anything down (I'm talking about drinking a glass of water, and 5 seconds later it makes a reappearance!). She had suffered in her last 2 pregnancies, and we were confident in the knowledge of 'sick mother = healthy baby'. Even with this constant sickness, we never imagined she was carrying twins.

8 weeks into the pregnancy, I had gone to visit relatives close by when I got a call from her saying she was bleeding, not heavily, more spotting. I advised Vicki to call the Doc immediately, and then jumped in the car to successfully break the land speed record (I never realised a 1.4 litre car could wheelspin in 3rd gear!) in the race to get home. The Doc arranged for an emergency appointment at the hospital for a scan, and off we went fearing the worst. At the hospital, the scan took place as Vicki lay on the bed and I leaned forward in anticipation. The thoughts that go through your head are unimaginable until you're in the situation. After a few minutes of scanning, the 'scanner' decided on getting a 2nd opinion. In came the Doc, and after a bit of 'umming' and 'ahhing' we were told 'congratulations, it's twins!'. Oh! As we both sat/lay on bed doing the fish impersonations, Doc explained that the reason for the bleeding was purely that a small blood vessel had burst, and this was nothing to worry about. Phew!!

The sickness continued throughout the pregnancy, Vicki went into hospital voluntarily on 2 occasions because of constantly being sick and no energy. Everything going down was coming back up, and it was difficult for her to cope, but she managed well, and my pathetic attempts to cheer her up and support her and rub her back when she was 'talking to god on the big white phone' I feel were appreciated, but useless. The endless visits to the check ups/Doctors appointments afterwards soon got into full swing. Vicki was obviously getting bigger by the day, and even the smallest task was physically draining. Emotionally it was very tough for her. Soon, her stomach took on a life of its own, and it was not uncommon to see the skin move on both sides as 1 foetus kicks and the other turns over - an amazing experience to watch! I will always remember being sat on the sofa next to her, flicking her stomach and watching her skin move. I had to take many trips to the toilet to remove the non-existant 'grit' which had caused a tear to well up. Her stomach as well as taking on a life of it's own was growing at a rapid rate, and it was soon decided that a caesarian section would be the most appropriate way for the birth to happen.

The Birth

On 7th Jan 2002, Vicki went to the hospital to stay overnight in preparation for the following day's operation. The Aneathatist came in to see us both and advised what would happen the following day and what his responsibilities were. It was an emotional time 'what if something goes wrong for her/for the babies, what if the Doc makes a mistake etc...' - again with the non-existant 'grit' in the eye, I kissed her goodnight and walked out of the room. Vicki was then given sleeping tablets, and got herself ready for a sleepless night.

The big day arrived; Vicki was shaved and prepared ready for the op. At 9.00am she was taken to the operating room. I was given a green gown and a pair of sterilised boots to wear in theatre. While I talked about absolute rubbish and cracked unfunny jokes, Vicki was given an epidural, and like my brain, she was numbed. As well as us, there were 2 Surgeons and their assistants, the Aneathetist, Auxiliary Staff, and 2 midwife's. Very soon the Surgeon made the first incision and within minutes 2 healthy (and luckily noisy) babies were born. From the 1st incision to birth was about 1-2 minutes. Afterwards the Surgeon then started the internal stiching. I am a very squeamish person but I watched the whole operation with fascination and awe.The Midwife's stepped into action, cleaning them and conducting inital tests on them to ensure everything was in the right place and worked. Rebecca was put into a cot with a heating light overhead and a little hat on her head as she was a bit cold when she was born. Lauren (presenting twin - first born) was passed to me and I was told to follow the Midwife into a recovery room so we could get them dressed into Baby-Gro's and fed a bottle each. 2 cots had been put into the room and as we finished feeding the babies they were put into their cots and slept. Vicki was soon wheeled in and I think I just ran from her to each of the babies in turn to constantly check she and they were ok. Later on the family came to visit and there was the mandatory cooing over the little ones.

Coming home

After the birth I was taught how to make up the bottles, how to hold the babies properly and what to do when the babies choked (choking is common after a ceasarian section as the baby has not had a chance to expel the fluid in her lungs going through the normal birth canal).

A lot of the family turned up on the day we were allowed to take our girls home. Photographs were taken, video cameras were stuck in everyone's face and we drove home at about 10 mph! On arrival family members duly turned up and we all had a (quiet!) party. The girls needed to be fed every 4 hours, so we took it in turns feeding/bonding with each one. Soon after I had to go back to work, so we had to arrange a pattern so we could both get a few hours sleep. I would arrive home at about 6pm, and look after the girls until midnight, and Vicki would do the majority of the night. This way we could both on average get about 7 hours sleep a night.

Practicalities

With a total of 6 of us altogether, there was now the issue of money. The car was now not practical, so we had to go out and buy an MPV, which was cheap (NOT!). There was the issue of the items needed for the newly arrived babies; we had sorted out the basics, cots, nappies, clothes, wet wipes etc, to start us off and now it was a case of maintaining this, plus buying baby food, and 2 decent car seats. Adding it all up was horrifying, but worth it. When it comes to car seats, use the internet to help you. Don't scrimp on costs, and use a search engine to find out which car seats are suitable for your car. Ask for discounts if you are buying more than 1. There are twins clubs (check Tamba website, speak to your Health Visitor) and these are excellent areas of support, and support is exactly what you will need. There is nothing more satisfying looking across the room at the other parents and seeing them look as knackered as you feel! Everyone is in the same boat, take all advice on board, think about the advice you have been given, and discard any advice you don't need. Financially think discount; decent clothes are easy to come by as hand-me-downs, and at car boot sales. Buggies can be sourced second hand in excellent condition. When visiting the supermarkets check the old BOGOF offers and haggle everywhere and anywhere - what have you got to lose. When help is offered, take it, BUT remember the help offered must be on your terms. As an example - you have just had a sleepless night looking after the little ones, they won't stop crying and they are refusing to feed. Then the phone rings and half of your family want to come round and see the babies. Good! Let them come round, explain you are tired and the house is a mess. They can come round for a set amount of time in groups of no more than 2, and the deal is; each person that comes round has to do a job (i.e put the washing in the machine, hoover upstairs, do the washing up etc) This way you are taking the strain off, keeping ahead with the chores, and you have a chance for someone else to hold your babies. Another plus to this is while you are tired, emotional and stressed, a family member/friend will take your baby from you and play with him/her in a quiet and calm manner therefore relaxing the baby and often sending him/her to sleep. This does NOT mean that you have failed, it gives you a chance for a much needed break.

When out and about, pushing twins in the buggy is hard work for 2 reasons. Firstly with the weight of them both, especially pushing uphill, and secondly, having to deal with the comments from complete strangers. "Oh my god, are they twins? (No they were triplets but we sold the third one as there wasn't enough room), "How do you cope" (The Doctor says I'll be off the tablets soon once people stop asking stupid questions). "What sex are they?" (The pink clothing kind of gives it away). Although we got asked the above questions every time we went out with the girls, there was one occasion when we breathed a sigh of relief and gratitude. A woman stopped in passing and said "I just wanted to say how lovely they are." Thank you!

If you are due to give birth to/or have just given birth to twins, I wish you the very best in the most positive sense. The reason it's hard work is that it is constant, and this is why I will re-itterate; allow/seek help from as many sources as possible (again on your terms), listen to advice given, and look for parenting groups that will help support you. I speak from experience in regards to the support groups - Vicki set up a twins club with a friend (another mother of twins) shortly after our girls were born and all credit to her, this has turned out to be a major success, providing support and guidance, get togethers, days out for all, weekly meetings etc.

Keep smiling and enjoy, like life having children is not a rehearsal, there is no such thing as the perfect parent who knows everything; it is a magical learning experience which must be enjoyed and savoured - a broken night's sleep/another feed time is an extra opportunity to hold your child. Our children/your expected children/your children are magical, they say and do the funniest of things, and with the warmth and love you receive from them, and are able to give back, all of a sudden the job, the bills, the car that won't start etc mean less than nothing.

Hope you have enjoyed reading this, would love to hear your feedback. Best wishes - James (hubby of Herbie1977)

For more information on multiple births check out tamba.org.uk, this is the twins & multiple birth association. If you join tamba you will also get discounts on lots of things from Clarks shoes to days out at safari parks.

Summary: Hard work but well worth it