24/7 mother but thats not always been the case (Working Mothers in General)

Member Name: chele2002

Product:	Working Mothers in General
Date:	04/12/01 (225 review reads)
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I know that most of you know that I have children and remain at home looking after them 24/7, and may be wondering why I am writing in this category. Well for me staying at home and caring for my children was not always the case.

A few years ago I was working nights and looking after the two children I had at the time, but in the end it was because of the children that I decided to give up work and look after them full time. Not all will choose the path I did but not everyone was in the same situation as me and it was for the stability of the children and the circumstances at the time that made me decide to end my full time job.

When I was working I was with my ex who had just lost his job, and after a lot of thought I decided to try and look for a job, but with lack of previous work and experience my last resort was to approach an agency. After my initial interview I was offered work which sounded interesting but due to it being so far away and the need for the use of two bus companies I had to turn it down. A few days later they phoned me asking if I would be interested in factory work but they could only offer nights. With out much thought I jumped at the chance, and decided to accept the offer. But there were factors at the time that made me jump and accept the work and what ever the reasons mothers choose to go out and hold down a full or part time job is down to them, but that doesn’t stop some looking down at them thinking that they shouldn’t have had children if they are too involved with working. For me it was for my sanity, I was in a dead end relationship that was going no where, I cringed at the thought of sleeping in the same room as him, I could have took the easy option and leave taking the children but it was for my children that I thought I was making the right choice. I needed a bit of time out from the same four walls, the same company and the same old routine.

When you become a parent you kind of get stuck
in a time warp, where you had control over your life before children came along you get a sense of everything must be done at certain time, in a certain way and your life revolves around your children, I know it sounds cold but children do run your life no matter how hard you try to justify it they do, but you are willing to overlook it because you know that they don’t mean to, they don’t quite understand what control is at an early age, it is part of growing up and part of being a parent.

When the day came to go into work it was scary, I must admit, it was my first real job, I was not lazy to never have had a job it was just that I got so disillusioned that no one was prepared to employ me, I gave up looking after my children came along. The work was great it gave me a sense of achievement even if it was just packing food and wheeling trolleys, if was the fact that someone was prepared to give me a chance to prove to them that I was capable of hard work even if it was an agency. The end of my first day I was shattered, my whole body ached, but that didn’t stop me waiting for another phone call asking me to come back.

A few days later I did in fact get that call that was when juggling children and work started to take its toll on me until I developed a routine and got by on a few hours sleep each day. My first two nights of work I didn’t get any sleep, the girls in work would say I look like a panda due to very dark shadows under my eyes. I guess I hadn’t quite adjusted at that time to sleeping days and working nights, but like I said I did in the end get into some sort of routine. I would have a bit of sleep in the morning after returning home from work, then wake early afternoon to deal with the children and take over from the poor job that my ex was doing at the time. I would feed them a little lunch and the get on with the house work, sit down and relax for an hour and then have a shower and get my work bag sorted
out while the kids were happy playing. After that I would spend some time and attention with the children before cooking their dinner, while they would eat theirs I would cook mine, eat it and then spend a bit more quite time with them before putting them to bed and making sure they were settle before setting off for work. I had it all worked out I was there for them during the day, if they needed me, I would be there to put them to sleep in the comfort and security of their beds and I would be there before they would wake in the morning, usually crashed out on the sofa but I made sure that if for any reason they would need to wake me I was approachable as the work relived me of many stresses.

I was doing so well at work that the company decided to employ me full time and take me off of agency.

I kept that up for six months but come the end the non-existent relationship was not worth staying for and the children started to pick on the tension between me and my ex that I needed to get out with the children before the effects of a bad relationship started to put a strain on their mental development. I left with the children and stayed at my brothers, I continued to work but then my kids played my brother up a bit so he decided to give the ex a call asking him to take them with him. My world shattered and it is around this time that I got a load of support from Chris (my now husband), it kind of developed and after a long talk we decided to try some kind of contact with the children that eventually lead to over night contact. It was heart breaking to see your children go back to where they are obviously not happy; it was distressing for me, for Chris and most of all for the children. One day it got so much that I decided not to return them and hand in my notice despite the offer from the company to be promoted to co-ordinator a job with prospects.

The well being of the children were all that mattered, they were very insecure, it was night ti
mes where it showed the most as they new when it got dark they went back to their dads, so they played up, throwing tantrums and simply refusing to do anything. It took several months for them to realise that they were staying in a secure and stable home; mummy was going to be there for them, to give them the love and attention that they needed.

At the end of the day it depends on your circumstances on whether you can juggle work and children, if they are cared for and happy with the time you can give and thriving then all is well and good but like I found out it is not always the case for what ever reason. I put my children first before work because they showed that they needed me more than before, it did work out at first and will probably work out in the future but for the moment I am dealing with their needs and demands. I dare say that I will return to work, I have applied for a job but got turned down, so perhaps it is not the right time and looking at our daughter trying to crawl around and find her feet I will be missing out on a lot of her development.

There is no reason why mothers get bagged (rhymes with sl*****) for working when having children, we all need time out, we all need to interact with adults and we all do what we feel is best, just because some choose to work it doesn’t mean we should have never had children or with want our children any less.

I wish you all luck in what you choose to do, and please try to have a happy stress free Christmas.

*Hugs* Chele

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