Working Mum: It works for me and G .... (Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums)

Member Name: Caldes

Product:	Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums
Date:	29/12/08 (158 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: We can pay the bills, childcare is shared

Disadvantages: It can be stressful, people can think you are some driven career woman!

I have been a working mum now since May 2005. My beautiful daughter Grace was born in January 2005 and I returned to work when she was four months old. I had wanted a bit more time off with her but had to start maternity leave at 30 weeks due to ill health so couldn't afford for me to off any longer.

Right from the start I always knew that I would have to return to work following Grace's birth. I am the major breadwinner in the family and frankly we would not be able to pay the bills if I didn't work. I know that some people are very much in the camp of 'if you can't stay at home with your kids then don't have them' but I have always wanted children and knew that being creative we could find a way to make it work. Whilst I was pregnant we discussed various options and finally settled on one which we hoped would work for all of us. We both requested compressed hours and the plan was that I would work full time hours over four days and have Mondays off with Grace and that husband would do the same but have Fridays off with Grace. The remaining three days she would spend in nursery.

Once she was born I went off to look at nurseries. The first one I looked at was absolutely awful, as I left I had tears in my eyes and started to panic about whether I was doing the right thing. It was in an old Victorian house which smelt of damp and the babies were housed in a portacabin in the yard. The toys were old and worn and I didn't take to the nursery nurses at all. In the panic I rang another nearby nursery and asked if I could come and see them. The minute I walked in I knew it was the right place, it was light and airy, purpose built etc. Loads of toys and the nursery nurses were lovely. I immediately signed Grace up to go for three days a week.

So three years or so on how has it been? In the main it has been great, Grace has thrived at nursery and I have found the staff there to be a constant support. She has also really benefitted from spending a day with each of us and as a result of this has a really strong bond with her dad. Our house has suffered a little as we have always had the rule that we don't do much housework when Grace is around although now she is getting older she likes to help out.

I went through a phase when I desperately wanted to give up work and stay at home with her. Not because I thought that she wasn't happy but because I wasn't happy but now I think I have come to terms with it. A lot of my friends are stay at home mums and I think I became envious of their lifestyle.

Work wise I have had to accept that my career has been put on hold, since returning from maternity leave I have been sidelined to a certain extent and at times things haven't been pleasant. This has been a real eye-opener for me as I work for a large university, where you would expect discrimination to be the last thing you would encounter but I can confirm it is alive and well and it has been interesting to note that the worst offenders have been women! It hasn't really bothered me though, before Grace I was very career focused and worked all hours but I have found that my priorities have totally changed. I go to work and do my job but it doesn't define me anymore, I am Grace's mum first and foremost.

I know that there are so many arguments for and against working whilst having children and I have definitely heard views from people who think that mums should be at home with the kids. It does bug me because we are not all in the financial position to do this and in fact some mums prefer to work (although I would happily give up work if I could). Although I might not have as much time with Grace I always make sure we do lots of stuff together, we play a lot and I don't think you could find a more loving or happy child.

So what are the advantages of being a working mum? I think in our case that Grace has enjoyed spending time with both me and her dad. There are plenty of families where the dads only get to see their kids at the weekend but Grace and her dad always have special time together. She also has a whale of a time at nursery. My gut instinct about choosing this particular nursery was right and she has thrived there. She has her own little group of friends and has learnt so much. Another bonus of working has meant that we have been able to afford to have some good holidays in Spain (where we both used to live). I wouldn't work just to be able to afford the holidays but it has been a nice by-product of working.

There are some downsides to working too. It can be just as exhausting as staying home with kids! I have quite a demanding job and the stress of it has really got to me at times. It can be hard work trying to get a toddler dressed and out of the house by 7.25 in the morning and this has got harder as she has got older. I often arrive at work feeling totally frazzled and then I have had to deal with a disaster at work. Grace is an early riser so sometimes I have found it incredibly hard to concentrate on my job when I have been up since 5am and knowing that I am not going to walk through the door until 6.30 at night. There is of course all the housework to contend with and I have to admit that I live by my mother's mantra 'housework or kids' and picked the kids just like she did!

All in all though I think that being a working mum works for me. My main concern is that Grace is happy and I know that she is. My job is very flexible and I have never had a problem with taking time off when she has been ill or needed to go for boosters etc. Working in a university, I have a very generous leave entitlement and in 2009 am planning to take the whole of August off to spend with her before she starts school in September.

I am not sure what the future holds, we would like to have another baby and come September we will be changing our hours so that I can take Grace to school and husband can pick her up.

I realise that working whilst being a mum is not for everyone but it can work, you just have to be creative. I think that we have the right balance at the moment and of course the most important thing for me is that my child is happy.

Summary: Works for us!