The grass is always greener on the other side.... But is it? (Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums)

Member Name: abbadabbado

Product:	Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums
Date:	01/02/09 (245 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: I keep my sanity by working

Disadvantages: I miss my baby when working

I have had two children and been both a working Mum and a stay at home Mum. Currently I do work part time and there was no question I would be going back to work last year once my maternity leave was up, we simply couldn't afford for me to stay at home.
I often wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, and quite often have fleeting thoughts that I should just give up my job and stay at home with Abby before she is all grown up and I've missed out on the special things that happen.
But then I start to wonder if I really am missing all those things after all, and would I lose my sanity if I stayed at home all day?

** Money **

Being a working Mum means that we have a high childcare bill, but at the same time we also have some extra money each month because I work weird shifts and do work weekends and evenings which don't require a childcare bill.
By working I can afford to put some money back into savings each month and the kids can have a few extra treats from time to time. We still can't seem to afford to book a holiday every year but that's the price you pay sometimes.

If I didn't work, then we wouldn't have the childcare bill to pay each month, but there wouldn't be a lot of free cash at the end of each month either. Once the bills had been paid there wouldn't be a lot left for extras such as taking Abby out, or the whole family.

Money is a depressing subject and I hate it when you realise you are working to literally live rather than being able to enjoy the work as well.

** Nursery / Play groups **

Abby goes to nursery for half the week whilst I work. Before she started I was always worried that she was going to be the child that was the last to be picked up in the evening and that myself and my partner would miss out on all the "first" things that she did if they happened at nursery.
A year later I have realised how valuable a nursery can actually be, for me and Abby. She has made so many friends, and even though I don't have a clue who the parents are, that doesn't matter at such a young age.
Abby gets to integrate with other children, and she gets a lot of stimulation and attention that isn't always possible at home with chores to get done.
The price for all of this is a high one and if I wasn't working I could spend every day with her and we could do a lot of things, as long as they didn't cost a lot.

I worry that if I didn't work that I wouldn't make the effort to take her to parent and toddler groups. I don't mix well with cliquey groups of parents and because they scare me, I wouldn't want to put that fear into Abby, so I would stay away. I know that isn't fair on her as it's important for children to mix with others even at a young age.

** Sanity **

Some parents would do anything to stay at home, and 50% of the time I am one of them. My partner is very jealous that he misses out on a lot of the day to day quirks and moods that happen with Abby, and he can't always appreciate that I get frustrated being stuck in the house all day.

I work the later part of the week and this suits me because I get two full days with Abby before going to work. By Wednesday if she's in a particularly trying mood, I know I get an afternoon of respite from it but going out into the world and acting like a grown up again. I get more adult conversation and I use my brain whilst getting paid for it.

I realise that everyone needs a bit of space from time to time away from the children, and if you don't work, you may not get this very often.
On the flip side of having my sanity however, I do miss her terribly when she's at nursery. I take her in and she's such a grown up girl at the moment, giving me a kiss and hug before walking off and finding toys to play with. It's almost as if she doesn't need me.
It's also quite heart wrenching when you pick her up and the staff tell you a funny story about what Abby did that day. Why couldn't I have been there to see it?

Basically being a working Mum or stay at home Mum for me comes down to money and sanity. I need both and that's why I work. Abby needs interaction and it's a bonus that I work for her for this. I know I would force myself to interact with groups for the sake of her, but this way it's easier on my anxiety.
The grass will always be greener on the other side.

Summary: The grass is always greener on the other side