stay home mum makes a better mum? (Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums)

Member Name: supersonic75

Product:	Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums
Date:	18/02/09 (249 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: seeing important miles stones

Disadvantages: cracking up!

This is a bit of a controversial subject and begs the question -'Is there a right or wrong...?
There is so much pressure these days as to what is the best thing for the children and the parents, that no one is ever going to win. I can only go by my own experiences and those of my friends in the same situation, so I'll tell you my thoughts and how I've coped...

About Me~

I've been with my partner for fifteen years and married for ten of them. When we decided that we would try for a baby we had a chat about what we would do; work wise, if all went well. I have always been a workaholic to a degree and the thought of not doing anything but staying home with a baby was a little daunting! However when our beautiful son was born, there was no way I wanted to be away from him even for a few hours, so I decided (with my husband's blessing) to hand my notice in at work and not return once my maternity leave ended. When my son was 5 months old though I was a wreck- he suffered from colic and I found that the baby blues were still there and getting worse ( the doctor said it was post natal depression, which I suppose I knew but did nothing thinking it would go away ) and the health visitor suggested going back to work. I was totally against it as I wanted to spend as much time with my son at home, but being around him 24/7 was proving difficult for me even with help and support from my partner and family. I didn't want to work at my previous employment as I had been there quite a long time before I left , and felt if I was going to work again needed something different ,so I went to speak to the land lady of my local pub where I used to work on a night behind the bar in the past (told you I was a workaholic), and asked did she have anything I could do? As it happened she wanted someone to work in the kitchen with her mid week. After asking my mum if she could help out with my son I accepted the job. It was two dinner times a week, just six hours in total but it was bliss! I love my son dearly but that little break twice a week gave me the confidence I had lost and suddenly I was me again and not just a mum! I was very lucky my mum was able to look after my son and luckily she loved it but after only 6 weeks of working I discovered I was pregnant again. This was no accident and it wasn't exactly planned either; it took a while to conceive the first time so we thought it would the second time... how wrong we were! It was incredibly hard working even six hours a week, with a young baby and being pregnant again (as I have a type of diabetes that requires weekly hospital appointments when pregnant and constant monitering) but I plodded on.. or waddled on should I say! When our second son was born I decided I would stay home permanently again...but when he was 5 months old, and my other son was a toddler, I felt I needed to return to work mainly for a break from the boys before I lost the plot completely- again for 6 hours a week ,with the very odd night time bar shift. I struggled on, never quite as happy as when I'd had my first child and when he started at full time school and my younger son was half days at nursery I found I just couldn't cope anymore: trying to get the kids to school(8 trips for me a day and I don't drive!), do the shopping and the household chores (and a bit of paid work thrown in) it was all proving too much. My boss unfortunately was not very understanding and said I was making a huge mistake, by putting my family first...?

2 months as a stay home mum~

Well I finished work at the beginning of December 08' and I don't get much spare time it has to be said (I'm currently ironing in between writing this-multitask is my middle name!) but I couldn't be happier. My boys said I'm a better mummy, and my partner said I'm not as stressed. I worry about not having enough money but when I think about it I did when I worked, but I do feel better in myself and feel I can dedicate more time to them.

Friends~

One of my friends has stayed home since she had her two daughters 7 years ago and said she wouldn't have had it any other way...then I have another friend with children the same ages as mine(4 and 5) and works full time and all weekend so she can buy them expensive presents. Which is right? Both of them think they are in their opinion and who is to say different?

My thoughts~

I'm lucky that I can stay home as we are not rich (I wish!) but have a very small cottage, so our mortgage and bills are in comparison with other peoples quite low.
Don't get me wrong I loved the independance of going out to work and the freedom but in my case I don't think it made me a better mother. I really do think it is up to the individual, but unfortunately it comes down to whether the household can cope on one wage. I think there should be more help from the governments for mothers who WANT to stay home but can't afford to in this day and age.

Summary: Really is up to the indivdual