Newest Review: ... staying at home... that makes me laugh, how many 'non-working' mums stay at home all day? I consider myself to be very fortunate that fir... more
Working mums vs stay at home mums what will YOU decide?
Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums
Member Name: stephbond89
Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums
Advantages: There are pro's and con's on both sides!
Disadvantages: Both working an stay at home mums are subject to snotty remarks from people who thnk theyr wrong!
== Introduction ==
I am pregnant at the moment and I have had many people ask me if I plan to get a job once my baby is born. First off I need to give you a little insight into my recent life events. I finished college and planned on university, but then met my husband and ended up moving to a different part of the country with him as he had a full time job, my plan was to take a year out and then go to University where I live, for 2 years I was trying to get a job here, after deciding to put off my university career to try and earn some money and planning on starting an Open University course this year (this was before I found out I was pregnant!). I had two jobs in two years, both temp work over Christmas which didn't continue into the new years. I sent out hundreds of CV's to hundreds of companies anything from cleaning to secretarial work to call centers, but nothing came back, I had around 3 interviews, despite been told I had an amazing CV...didn't make much sense personally!
SO, I then found out I was pregnant, we had been trying for a baby, after been married 18 months and very happy together, we wanted to start a family, we were financially able, even without me working, and were both emotionally ready, and 8 months later, that positive result came to us. Now, I am been asked if I will continue to look for work when my baby is born... and it brought me to this "debate", I don't really have that much of a strong opinion on this subject, which I think is a good thing really as now it means I can be much more objective in this "review" and maybe give some people good advice...so here goes.
== Stay at home Mum ==
This is actually what I plan on doing, when my baby is born, I want to stay at home and look after it, I don't have family near by, and my husband works very funny hours as a security guard working 15 hour night shifts 5 nights a week, and so for 1 I would find child care expensive, but I also wouldn't want to put my children into somebody elses care, not that I have anything against mums who do, but it isn't for me.
Stay at home mums are mums who stop working when they leave their job on maternity leave, and do not go back to the job afterwards. Many mothers decide to do this, wanting to be at home with their child rather than out at work leaving their child with a child minder or relative during the day. Of course there are pro's and con's of this:
=== Pro's ===
*Your bond with your baby will be much higher than a mother who goes out to work 5 days a week for 12 hours a day, you get to feed, bathe and play with your child all day rather than giving them to somebody else to look after.
*You get to be the one who is there for all the milestones: first steps, first words etc, rather than a relative stranger.
*You know where your child is at every time during the day, and you know that IF anything happens to the baby, you will not blame yourself for not been there for him/her.
*You can teach your child how YOU want it grow up. So if you want it to learn to bake from an early age, you can show them this rather than leaving it all down to a child minder or relative.
*You don't have to fork out for childcare.
*You know that your child is not at risk from sick people, who sadly do slip through the net sometimes.
=== Con's ===
*Some mothers NEED to go out to work to be able to provide for their child. Whether it is because the benefits you would receive would not be sufficiant to pay the bills and feed your family, or whether you don't WANT to be benefit sufficiant- or if you are like our family and not eligable for any state benefits apart from child benefit which everybody gets anyway.
*You may feel your life is been dominated by your child, and resent it. Many career women who don't plan their children, or even those who DO plan their children, HATE to be at home all day, and find it boring and unfulfilling, this is a natural feeling for women who have had a career their whole lives, and they might feel resentful towards their children for "making" them be this stay at home mum.
*It is very very boring to be home all day, and if you don't have family or friends around you, it can be extremely boring to sit home with a baby all day with no adult conversation. Especially if your partner works full time.
== Working Mum ==
A working mum is a mum who goes back into work, or starts a new job once the baby is old enough to stay away from it's mother, this is usually after maternity leave ends, which I think is around 6-12 months after the child's birth depending on prefereces. Of course some mums wait until their children are in school or nursery before going back to work, but I am talking about young children (aged from birth to 3 years old).
You may be working full time or part time- but again here I am talking Full time working mums, who work over 30 hours a week.
=== Pro's ===
*Extra money coming in is essential for some new mums, not everybody get's benefits which are enough to stock the cupboards and pays the bills, and not all mums WANT that anyway. So extra money is probably number 1 on the pro list here!
*Life fulfillment. Feeling you are doing something with your life FOR your child is a huge thing, not all mums want to be stay at home mums, they don't want to set that example to their children and want to work.
*You can still spend time with your child, working 30 hours a week may only be 5 hours a day, 6 days a week, leaving lots of time to be with the children.
*Sending your children to a childminder of "play group" will socialise them sooner and mean they are not "attached" and clingy to their parents. Meaning a much easier life for the parents who don't have to worry their children are going to scream and cry all day when they do start full time education, and means they're going to have a happier time there making friends much easier.
=== Cons ===
*You might miss those all important milestones mentioned earlier.
*Although very unlikely, sadly in the world today, there are some very sick people around who like to violate and hurt children, and this would always be on the mind of a mother leaving her child with somebody they don't know. (ALWAYS make sure a child minder is registered and CRB checked!!!)
*The bond between you and your child may not be as strong as it would be if you were working part time or not at all, there is a risk the child will feel they don't "know" you, and ultimately won't want to share things with you as they get older.
*You may feel you are compromising one or the other- your own happiness for your childs happiness(if you are a stay at home mum) and vice versa.
*You may be very tired, feeling you have a duel task or working full time and then coming home and doing the cooking cleaning and sorting out your child, which can be VERY tiring for any woman!
Although there are pros and cons for each, every mother feels differently, and there are always ways of doing both! If you do need that little extra money coming in, and you don't want your child to be clingy with you making it difficult for a baby sitter etc to look after them, you could work part time, maybe working a couple of short shifts a week at the supermarket etc and send your child to a play group for a few hours a couple of days a week. If you don't want to work- you could do this anyway. Maybe once the child hits 6 months old start them at a play group, or even at a crech for a couple of hours maybe 2 days a week, in this time you can maybe use the gym, do some shopping or even go home and catch up on some washing, sleep, cleaning anything you want while your child is happy and safe and hopefully getting used to been left with other people for a couple of hours which will mean they will be easier starting school! This is what I plan on doing, it means peace for mum and dad for a couple of hours, and also means your child may be easier when staying at grandparents houses in future or starting nursery.
All in all, I hope this "review" has given people a good overview of working vs stay at home mums, and maybe even helped some people decide how they will do it when the time comes, and I am going to say sorry in advance, if I have upset anybody with anything said- this was not my intention at all, and I respect mothers who go out to work, and then come home to a full house, my sister does it and I don't know how she copes with 3 children at home and working full time. I admire those of you who do it, I couldn't do it, I would be too tired and ratty after working to come home and look after a baby!!!! :)
Summary: Hopefully some good advice in here for yuo all!