DIRECTOR OF CHILD CARE (Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums)

Member Name: chrissypops

Product:	Working Mums vs. Stay at Home Mums
Date:	15/09/01 (285 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: , For staying or going?

Disadvantages: , None if you are happy with what you decide to do

Sounds posh doesn't it? Well that's my job. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Have you guessed what company I work for? I work for the Swarbrooke Family INC. Head of house and a full time mum. Being a full time mum is a job in its own right. Non funded, 90% voluntary but hopefully with a great support of others, the best job in the world.. As well as being the Director of child care, I am also an Accountant, a Stock Replenisher, Head chef, Personal fitness instructor, a Teacher, a cleaner and any other job description you could think of. So why did I choose to become a full time, stay at home mum?

After I had my first daughter, I did return back to work for 16 hours a week. All day Sunday and a twilight shift on Monday evenings on Provisions at Asda was just enough. Enough to have a little bit of my freedom back, earn some money for myself and find a bit of social activity in which I could be..... ME. Jess was seven months old when I returned back to Asda. I missed her greatly as any mum will tell you when they return to work either full or part time. I didnt have to return back to work. We were financially stable enough for me to become a Stay At Home Mum ( SAHM) then but I needed to go back for my sanity. You see we had just moved to a new area, 200 miles away from where I used to live. I knew no one. I felt isolated, alone and having post natal depression , I needed the space away from my child.

It was great being back at work. To get to know people with and without children, to broaden my horizons again. To earn a little money to call mine so I didnt have to ask my hubby for any money. To have time, yes time to be me and not worrying about my daughter, as she was in the hands of my beloved husband at home. Well that a bit of a lie as I still worried about her, but not as much if she had been with a minder. The great thing was that Tim also had his own time with Jessica, without me there. It was lovely for them to spend
time on their own to build up the bond between them. This began at birth but never really got any stronger as at the time he was working away. It was also great for Jess to be with someone else than her mum.

Tim has always worked hard to get where he is now. At one stage he was working 7 days a week, 16 hours a day without a holiday for 8 months at a time. Since we had our children he has settled down a little but he is still eager to pursue his career and I am behind him to support him as much as I can. I might not be a financial support right now, but to me money is now a small issue in which we learn to live with. I support him emotionally through thick and thin, good time and bad so to me that is far more important.


I worked part time until I had Lucy and then I decided after my maternity leave I would not return back to work. I must admit I really enjoyed working but when my husband got weekends off, I came to realize that it can be rather limiting. As I had been with Asda for five years, there was no problem about taking holidays or unpaid days off but it was such a pain if we decided that we wanted to go out on a Saturday night or have a weekend away. It was OK with work to book a day off in short notice providing there was no one off and they could get cover. The crunch came when one weekend Tim had to go down south to have some training. I wanted to go with him but was told that I couldn't have the time off as there was already someone in our department off on holiday.. When I said to my manager that I had to be off work anyway as I had no one to look after Jess while I was at work, she got very annoyed at me. I told her that I had no family here in Rotherham, the nearest relative was Tim's mum who lived an hours drive away and she was away on holiday at that time. I would ask friends but they all had children and I didnt know them that well either. After a long discussion she told me that I could have the time off and sh
e would just have to deal with the shifts later. I know that she has to be flexible but she made me feel very guilty that I had to have the time off. My philosophy is that family come before work any day. So in the end I chose to be with my family.

The other thing I really missed was the fact we didnt spend time together as a family unit. A lot of the time, Tim was in work a Saturday which just left Sunday and I was at work. He sometimes had a day off in the week if he worked Saturdays but it wasn't the same to me. Spending time as a family is very important, so important that I am willing to give up a certain amount of my independence to have that time bonding as a family. We go for walks, spend time playing together in doors, go away for weekends or whatever we fancied doing. That in its entirety says more about my independence than going back to work, but I suppose " being independent " can mean something different to others.



Having what I call a support unit also made me realise that I would be happier at home full time. If you haven't got this support unit and you do stay at home full time, you can drive yourself up the wall and down the other side. You need to get out and about, even if its once a day to a group, friends, or down the park. I'm not sure about any other mum but when I had my first daughter, it knocked my confidence a lot. It was like I was starting a new job and I didnt know what to do. Unlike being in a job, there is no training, no manual as such. There are plenty of people who will criticize you and tell you that you are not doing the right thing and only a few who really admire and support you. It was when I had Post natal depression that I realized I needed a support network and the only way to get it, is to find it.

I do have an advantage in that I have my own car, which means that I can go further afield. I am a natural socialist. Thriving on chatting and listening to peopl
e, in all walks of life about anything which cares to cross our lips. I enjoy helping people where I can and in return I know that whenever I need someone there for me, I have a few people who I can depend apon.

Being a stay at home mum doesn't mean you have to stay by the kitchen sink all day and make sure that your house is spotless. In fact I feel its quite the opposite. Being a stay at home mum empowers me and brings me great happiness in knowing I can give my children the upbringing that they deserve. I go out to a mother and toddler groups everyday and then Jess is now part time nursery in the afternoons. Being a Stay at home mum has driven my confidence levels up and outward. I can speak to a perfect stranger with dignity and respect. As for my home, its not spotless, most of the time its untidy, but its lived in, its has a warm cosy feeling, its clean and the door is open to anyone who cares to come into my life. Spending time with my children is more important to me then having a spotless home any day.

Being a working mum on the other hand can be just as empowering. Knowing that you are able to bring in money to help out your partner in giving your children and yourselves a bit extra in life. I wont deny the fact that we couldn't use the extra money, we don't go without.. We have food in our bellies, a roof over our heads and clothes on our back, anything else comes as a bonus. Each mum has their own reasons to return back to work. Some have to, to make ends meet financially. Some need that escape from the kids and although they love them, its nice to have the break. Some mums are even lucky enough to enjoy their job, which is probably the best reason in wanting to go back in my opinion.

I know I didnt work full time but even working part time with a family is hard work. I still had housework to do, being at work, taking Jess out to make sure we got into the social scene. So when I first moved into Rotherham, I go
t out to as many Mother and Toddler groups as possible. I still had to be three identities, a mum, a wife/lover and me. To me, that's one of the hard things about being a parent, whether working or not. Trying to be all these people, sometimes overlapping, sometime wanting to be separated in their own right.


I feel that women who return back to work for whatever reason should be praised and respected. With all the research around about whether it is good for the child to have a mum in work, I feel its up to individuals to make their choices. I know lots of Stay at home mums who would give an arm and leg to have a part time job, to get out of the house and earn some money. But I also know mums who have a job and would give equally that arm or leg to be at home with their children. They say grass is always greener on the other side don't they? Well in my case, the green grass is here at home under my feet.

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