To sleep or not to sleep - our experience (Your Baby and Sleep in general)

Member Name: KLockwood75

Product:	Your Baby and Sleep in general
Date:	06/03/09 (86 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Persistence is the key - you will get a full night's sleep in the end

Disadvantages: Too many sleepless nights and no more lie-ins

Sometimes I think the last few weeks of pregnancy, when you can't get comfortable no matter how hard you try and end up wandering round the house in the early hours of the morning because you just can't sleep, is just our bodies' way of preparing us for the real sleep deprivation you get when you have a newborn baby. It makes it so much harder when you're already longing for a good night's sleep before you give birth, but it's something that all new parents have to endure. Some people are lucky in that the sleep deprivation might just last a couple of months (although those long lazy Sunday mornings in bed will soon become a distant memory), but for others it could be a nightmare that lasts long into the toddler years. This is our experience...

The Newborn Stage
We tried to establish a bedtime routine right from the start - at first this was just before we went to bed as our son wouldn't settle in the evenings unless he was either attached to a bottle (I couldn't breastfeed) or was snuggled up on his Daddy's chest. We would read him a short bedtime story, tuck him into his carrycot and then all go to bed.... only to be woken about two hours later as he needed yet another feed. In those early days, I remember it took so long to feed him, wind him, change his nappy and tuck him up again - by the time we'd done all of that, we'd get another two hours sleep before it was time to do it all over again. Gradually, he started going slightly longer between feeds and we might get three or four hours sleep at once. At six weeks, we had a bit of a breakthrough when we introduced the dummy - suddenly he'd go down in his carrycot earlier in the evening, take a big feed when we went to bed and then only wake twice in the night. The first night waking got later bit by bit, and soon he was waking between 3 and 4am and then not until between 6 and 7am, and he'd usually go back to sleep for another couple of hours after that.

'Sleeping Through'
Everyone has different definitions of what sleeping through actually means. For me personally, I think it's when I don't have to get up in the night. We had introduced the bedtime dream feed early on and I always felt like my son had slept through if he went from that feed until after 6am. The first time he slept through the night was New Year's Eve at 9 weeks old - ok, so he hadn't gone to bed until midnight as we were at a family party and he'd just dozed in people's arms - but I remembered being woken up at 7.30 and saying to my husband 'did you feed him in the night?'. We moved him into his cot in his own room the following day (New Year, new start and all that) and from then on, he was more settled. By 12 weeks, he was going to bed at 7.00pm, having a feed at 10.30pm and then sleeping until after 7 in the morning - bliss!

Dropping the Dream Feed
We dropped the dream feed when he was 7 months old - he was on three meals a day, eating well and we didn't think he needed it. We spent ages debating whether to just cut it down, or to go cold turkey, or whether we really wanted to risk our own chances of a good night's sleep by doing it at all, but in the end we went for the cold turkey approach. He woke a bit earlier for a couple of nights (not too early though) but that was it - no problems at all.

When It All Went Wrong
So we'd reached his first birthday and he was sleeping through virtually every night. I don't think we really appreciated how lucky we'd been. Then suddenly, it all changed. He was awake at least once virtually every night for five months and only a bottle would settle him. We made excuses - he wasn't well from his inoculations, colds, coughs, conjunctivitis - and just gave in to the easy option of giving him milk to send him back to sleep. After all, if we gave him a bottle we'd be back in our own warm bed far more quickly. But, it because a habit we couldn't break and, eventually, I decided enough was enough - time for controlled crying.

Controlled Crying
It is heartbreaking to lie in bed listening to your baby scream... the concept of controlled crying is to gradually increase the intervals between going in and trying to settle your child - first one minute, then two minutes, then three minutes, then five minutes, 10 minutes and so on. My son was outraged at not getting his bottle and would scream for ages. It took us about a week to crack it - I was even more sleep deprived than before. In some ways it was worse than the newborn stage, as I'd got used to having a good night's sleep by then. However, the key to this is persistence and if you stay strong, the technique does work. Once that week was up he was sleeping through most nights, and would settle with a cuddle on the other nights.

The Big Boy Bed
We converted our son's cot to a bed shortly after his 2nd birthday, having long since ditched the grobags for a duvet and pillow. He took to the bed happily, although fell out at regular intervals over the first month, and we'd often find him sleeping on the floor, head on pillow and under his duvet. Even now, five months later, he still sleeps on the floor occasionally. The biggest problem we've had with the bed is getting him to stay in it - he'll get out and play if he doesn't feel he's tired enough to sleep, although he does now get back into bed when he's ready to sleep. Apart from the mess he makes of his bedroom, I don't really see this as a big issue.

Now, at nearly 2 and a half, he sleeps through the night, wakes up early (between 6.30 and 7am on average) and only has very occasional naps during the day - we, as parents, have settled into a new reality where we think 8am is a proper lie-in and really appreciate the days when he's not awake at the crack of dawn. You do adjust though... for those parents battling with the sleep deprivation of the early days, it will get better eventually.

Summary: Some babies sleep, some don't - I think it's the luck of the draw