You can't give booze to baby (Messiah (PC))

Member Name: Killer_Bob

Product:	Messiah (PC)
Date:	06/09/00 (51 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Cheaper than plastic surgery

Disadvantages: Arrrrgh!

What a bunch of arse. There I was, expected bandana-ed 80s throwback Dave Perry to deliver another quality item after MDK and what do I get? A bloody third rate Paradroid clone. It seems that at no point in the long gestation period of this project did anyone actually consider putting some gameplay into this monstrosity.

I feel like I should identify my gripes with this game. Where should I start though? Certainly, the graphics don't strike me as being particularly advenced compared to MDK's and yet the game ran at a crawl on my machine, even after the addition of a disgustingly expensive 3DFX card. I'm sure I could have fed an entire african village for the money that thing cost me. Even when the game is running smoothly, the control is appalling with the hero "Bob" apparently pepped up on amphetamines and making even Lara Croft look more like a sleek river barge than the oil tanker she is.

The main draw of the game seems to be the "clever" puzzles that involve swapping bodies paradroid style. Unfortunately, thse seemed to take the form of "open door -need engineer, need to shoot lots of innocent bystanders - steal cop". The only entertainment to be had was from the fact that people's bodies had to be "invaded" from the rear, but that was pretty much it.

However, as your intrepid games reviewer, I felt compelled to play further into the game. Caught in a trap like Elvis in Suspicious Minds, I was unable to walk out no matter what horrors the game inflicted on me. As a result I am now emotionally crippled. I hope you're happy now.

Can't you kids just play Speedball 2 or something?

Summary: