A Jacket for your love truncheon (Durex Fetherlite - 12)

Member Name: michaird

Product:	Durex Fetherlite - 12
Date:	12/12/02 (796 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Safe sex, Nice and thin, reasonable price, not too greasy

Disadvantages: They come in twos which are a pain to separate, Funny taste

Well I was halfway through a lush op when I remembered that I had done some serious research into this particular product not long ago and had intended to give you the benefit of my experience. I didn't want to forget all my research and have to do it all again.

Oh, hang on. Damn!

A sod it, I can do some research afterwards, just to make sure.

It's hard y'know (No not that, we haven't got that far yet). I mean it's hard to choose a condom. Gone are the days when a skinny, spotty lad goes into a chemist shop and leaves with whichever brand happened to be the easiest to grab (or if he was brave he would always try and pick up the extra large, whether needed or not).

No, now the condoms have a counter of their own and there are a dazzling array of all different sizes, colours, flavours and even shapes. It's difficult to know which one is right, especially if you're a sweet girlie like me.

Well because I'm such a sweet girlie I like to get the best, so I don't pick the cheapest, and because I know that the main drawback with using a little rubber hat (as my Nan calls them) is loss of feeling, I always pick the finest one. Or at least the ones that tell me they are fine.

Historically we have always used Durex fetherlight (yes, I know it's spelt wrong, Durex's fault not mine). Having not used condoms for a number of years I was a little bit concerned about what they were like now, boyfriend was not happy about my inability to get a doctors appointment for over a month and my forgetfulness when it comes to using my last packet of pills. I promised to buy them myself and get a great big packet, as compensation you understand.

Still the box tells me that they are now 'easy-on' due to a new shape, which is good because putting the buggers on was always a problem. The box also tells me that they are ultra fine. Hmm, I like that, the word ultra seems to convey
a kind of tissue paper thinness that we would wish for. The box also sports the all important British standard mark, this tells you that they've either been tested to within an inch of their life, or someone took a bribe (I was going to say back hander but decided it wasn't appropriate in the context really).

I bought a box of eighteen (about a weeks supply, he he) they do come in smaller boxes. I don't remember exactly how much I paid but the boots website advertises them at £12.99 the smallest box of three costs around £4. There was a special offer on the packs of three at the time so there are bargains to be had.

Inside each condom is packaged in foil, and here you find my first moan (no not that kind, Jesus you men, we're not there yet!) The condoms are packaged individually but bound together in twos by a perforated strip. Now unless you have actually planned your actions and have laid your condom out at the side ready this causes a little bit of grief. It's bad enough to having to rummage around in his rather unsexy sock draw for the box, but then you have to separate the packages before you can even open the pack. I'll tell you, it takes a lot of bloody hard work to keep the passion going after all that messing about.

The condom itself is about 24cm long fully rolled out (I don't know what that is in inches, I don't have inches on my ruler) they're quite stretchy though. They're quite greasy, although not over lubricated. The lubrication is not spermicidal, which is good for those who are allergic to spermicide. It has a teat shaped end, which is apparently what makes it easy to put on. (See what I meant about different shapes).

But are they thin, as they claim to be? Well yes I think they are, they certainly feel quite fine to the touch and there's none of that rubber hose feeling you sometimes get.

They are simple to use. The leaflet given with each packet give very
simple, pictorial instructions.

1, Give amorous looks to loving partner.
2, Begin light petting and general 'I'm in the mood' advances
3, Begin heavy petting. Continue for at least 30 minutes.
4, Wait for the man's love truncheon to stand proud and firm
5, Rummage around in sock drawer, pull out packages, separate them and rip open condom with teeth (taking care not to damage condom)
6, Hold by the teat to ensure that no air is trapped in the end and roll down until you've reached the end (24cm? I wonder)
7, Begin banging love spuds against dirtbox.

Now they feel pretty good. I mean its not as nice as flesh on flesh but in this day and age it is important to be careful. Remember people, no amount of fun is as miserable as catching something. Compared against other brands we've used they fair very well and we will certainly be sticking with these for future needs.

They don't taste of anything in particular (just did a special test for you people, aren't you grateful?) if you use them for such things. There's a faint kind of 'uugghh' taste and I would recommend getting a flavoured one if you like that sort of thing.

Other little notes:

No method of contraception can provide 100% protection against pregnancy, HIV or sexually transmitted infections. I have heard that condoms manage around 99%, which are pretty good odds in my eyes.

Non vaginal use will increase the risk of them slipping or being damaged. Erm, so if you're going to, be extra careful. Okay?

Do not use them more than once. Apart from this reducing their effectiveness drastically it's also really disgusting. I mean, yuck people, yuck.

Do not use an oil-based lubricant with them. If you need a little extra slippy juice make sure that they are safe to use with latex products.

Finally, if you ever played that game when you where young where you take
a burst balloon and make a tiny little balloon by twisting a little bit of rubber. Then you twist it so, so tight that you can pop it on peoples foreheads and run away. Leaving them angry with a sore spot on their head. Well don't try it with a condom, it doesn't pop and it'll make people angry. Especially if it's a used one!

Now to finish of, I think I should tell you a little bit about my Nan. I know that she now calls them little rubber hats, but there was a time when my Nan didn't know what a condom was.

Shortly after my Mum gave birth to my sister she went to the doctors and said 'So, when can I start having a bit then? I don't want to get pregnant again either'
And the doctor gave her three boxes of 100 NHS condoms. Having just had a baby my poor Mummy didn't want quite that much of a bit. With it coming up to Christmas and balloons costing quite a lot of money, we decided to put them to another (though possibly slightly less fun) use decorating our flat.
My Nan came round to help us blow them up, so there she was puffing away with a nasty look on her face saying 'Uurghh, these are all greasy, and they taste funny too'
To which my mum told her they were special balloons and they coating meant they were harder to break and would last longer.
My uncle eventually spoiled the fun and told her what they were, She didn't speak to us for months. But we still spent Christmas with the flat decorated with NHS condoms.

How cool is that?

Apologies for any nausea, vulgarity and any disgusting euphemisms. I can't help it I'm common.

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